Mom wants to stop chemo

brown123
brown123 Member Posts: 2 Member
in Breast Cancer #1

I am so eager for some advice and guidance because I realize I have no idea what my mom is going through. I have no idea what it’s like to have cancer or go through chemo, and I’m struggling to know how best to respond so any thoughts or advice would be so much appreciated! I’m so scared to say the wrong thing or make things about me when they should be all about her.

my mom (65 yo) was recently diagnosed with stage 1b breast cancer with a 7cm tumour. She has a plan of 6 chemo sessions, then surgery, then chemo then radiation. She has had 3 chemo sessions and has told her doctor she is not going to do the remaining sessions and instead just going to go straight to cancer. She has a bad feeling that the chemo isn’t working, and she feels so bad she just wants to roll the dice and let it land where it will.

btw she has yet to tell be directly about her decision but she told my husband. I am trying to think through the best way to respond. My initial reaction was to completely panic and breakdown crying. She is my best friend and I cannot imagine losing her. My second reaction was to try to figure out a way to convince her to continue with treatment. Other than the cancer - she is very healthy, her mother is still alive at 97 so I just feel like she has so much more life to live. I want her in my life. I want to have kids soon and I want them to know her. I feel selfish saying these things, especially because I cannot imagine what she is going through


I’m so torn between just offering her my full support and saying I am 100% behind you whatever you decide (at the end of the day I do see it is 100% her decision anyway) but I also am wondering if I should at least voice my concerns. I know she at the end of the day has complete control over her choices - so part of me just wants to be there for her - but also part of me wants to say something explicitly, “ I love you and can’t imagine losing you and want to ask if you’d maybe consider continuing the treatment just to give us the best chances possible, even recognizing it is not in our control”


is this too much pressure? Will it make it even worse? Or do you think I can be upfront about my fears and ask her?


I really need some help navigating this. All thoughts are welcomed

Comments

  • RocDocVic
    RocDocVic Member Posts: 137 Member
    #2
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/328028/mom-wants-to-stop-chemo

    Why is she wanting to stop everything? Is it because the chemo drugs make her so sick and she has severe side effects? If so, her Oncologist may not be effectively managing the side effects. What chemo drugs is she on? Side effects? I too had thought about stopping because I was so sick from the chemo drugs. My Oncologist did a dose reduction of the one chemo drug and it did help a little. If she has finished with half her treatments she should ask about an Ultrasound or MRI to see if the tumor has shrunk. Mine did which indicated the drugs were working.

    My tumor was a little more than 3cm and I was classified as a Stage 2. Depending on type of breast cancer and whether lymph nodes are positive/negative, most tumors larger than 2 cm are typically classified as Stage 2b or Stage 3.

    My tumor shrank enough so I qualified for a lumpectomy instead of having a mastectomy. Pathology report results for the tumor and 3 lymph nodes removed during surgery indicated no cancer cells found. The chemo drugs worked. I'll be starting radiation therapy in 2 weeks just to make sure any straggler cancer cells in the breast are killed.

    In addition I'll be on 6 months of 2 targeted chemo drugs, IV every 3 weeks, for my specific type of cancer. I have HER2 positive Breast Cancer. These are given to address any escaped cells that are circulating in my body. They worked with the cytotoxic chemo drugs pre surgery. An added layer of protection to try and eliminate the return of this cancer.

    Suggest you find out why your Mom's throwing in the towel. It could be severe side effects and she feels like ****. Ask for meds to manage the side effects, drink lots of water and non grapefruit juices, especially for a week following chemo infusions to flush out the drugs. Have her request an Ultrasound or MRI to see if the tumor shrank. Have her request a reduced dosage of the chemo drug(s) if she gets really sick. If she also gets the Neulasta shot the day after the chemo infusion I hope she's taking Claritin or even Benadryl to help with the side effects of this drug. I took both, with Benadryl just before bed. Lomotil for diarreah and supplemented with Immodium AD. Zofran for nausea. Ibuprofen as needed. I drank Boost high calorie and Ensure protein drinks to counter poor appetite and try to prevent more weight loss.

    You can read more on the Susan G Komen website about Breast Cancer, stages, grade, types of BC, treatments, surgery, radiation therapy and other information.

    Is there a Gilda's Club nearby for support? Check out their website too.

  • brown123
    brown123 Member Posts: 2 Member
    #3
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1715354#Comment_1715354

    Hi there, thank you so much for your comments and outlining your approach and journey with all its twists and turns. The chemo side effects are just too much for her. She hasn't eaten in 12 days so she is starving - she is having major digestive issues where she throws up and if she even tries to eat it is incredibly painful, she throws up, and it goes right through her all night so then she can't sleep. These side effects were worse because her electrolytes got too low. She was having IV for hydration but they didn't put electrolytes in it - we just this week found out it was an option that they could add electrolytes in the IV! so we are now doing that.

    I'm flying blind a bit because she hasn't shared the details of her diagnosis, treatment, drugs etc. I keep asking for more information but she doesn't want to share. The limited details she has shared are the plan was 6 rounds of chemo surgery, more chemo, then radiation. After 3 rounds of chemo she told her doctor no more chemo. So they are going straight to surgery. The original plan was to do a mastectomy's, now she wants to do a lumpectomy instead.

    It is helpful to hear that maybe they saw that the tumor had shrunk enough to go straight to surgery and that maybe it was determined that they could do a lumpectomy instead of a mastectomy.

    The recommendations of trying out Claritin, Lomoti, Immodium AD. Zofran, are all very helpful. We will give those a go.

    I will also check out to see if there is a Gilda support group nearby because I think it would be helpful for her to talk to someone and get support from someone outside of our family - I'm her daughter and she continues to try to protect me, so I'm thinking getting her in one of these support groups could be a space for her to let down her walls a bit.

    Thank you again for all the info about your own path - and recommendations on improving the symptoms

  • RocDocVic
    RocDocVic Member Posts: 137 Member
    #4
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1715468#Comment_1715468

    I too starved. No appetite at all. I was lucky I didn't have nausea or throwing up. But there are meds to help counter this. Drink lots of Boost high calorie and Ensure protein drinks, plus Pediolyte or Gatorade for electrolytes. Do not dehydrate. I ate what ever I could including rice, mashed potatoes, chocolate cake and cheesecake. Soups and broth with crackers too. I lost about 26-30 pounds over 4+ months.

    As I said, she should request a reduced dosage of the cytotoxic chemo drugs. If going straight to surgery she may not qualify for a lumpectomy. My tumor had to shrink to 2cm or less, but I also have small breasts. If it didn't I would have needed a mastectomy. Radiation treatments will most likely be required, especially if she has a lumpectomy. Hopefully no lymph nodes have cancer. I had 3 removed and tested. Mine were clear so no radiation into the armpit area. I will have 15 sessions of whole breast radiation and up to 5 sessions of Boost radiation therapy. Boost targets the tumor area and the incision with smaller doses of radiation. Radiation is typically 5 days per week every day.

    I just had my targeted chemo drugs infusion today for Herceptin and Perjeta. I'll get these up through late October or November. Essentially 1 year after I started my chemotherapy treatments.

    Wishing you the best. If your mom wants to reach out to me, get in touch. It's much easier talking about this with someone going through the process. That's why I suggested Gildas Club or other hospital/community groups for cancer. FWIW I'm in Kansas City metro area.

  • RocDocVic
    RocDocVic Member Posts: 137 Member
    #5

    Sorry to hear your Mom is not sharing information or limited info. Puts you in a rough place. I shared with a sister and very close friends. They really helped me a lot for mental support.

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