I want to die

Hey,

No need to be sorry my friend what you are going through is incredibly difficult. I am in the same boat as you diagnosed last year told chemo until either it stops working or I get a clean scan.

I will tell you I can relate to being overwhelmed and feeling hopeless. My advice is kind of difficult to hear because it isn't a quick fix and takes quite a bit of effort/time which I know will be hard to muster with everything you are dealing with.

Here is my best advice which you most likely have heard. First, make sure you are seeing a therapist weekly. If you have financial hurdles talk to your doctor or nurse navigator at your cancer center. I finally learned therapy isn't just showing up, you need to find a therapist you like and can build a relationship with. You will also need to do a lot of introspection which can really hurt/bring up hard emotions. It takes work and time but it will help. Also be careful with painkillers/anxiety meds they can impact your overall mood quite a bit.

I am truly sorry you gotta go through this it isn't fair and it is difficulty level 10. I am here for you though if you want a friend to talk to I can send you my phone number or email and we can chat as much as you like.