Am I a horrible caregiver?

Hello, I just wanted to stop by and be supportive. I am in a similar situation. My mother had NHL in 2005, and the chemo aggravated her Afib. She had a stroke about 2 1/2 years ago, and I had to move in with them for the first six months. I have two older bros who couldn't give less of a crap about mom's situation. And, the middle brother just went back to prison for 15 years. Oldest brother is so estranged, he informed friends and people that we meet that his parents are dead. Cruel, huh? Anyway, my husband and children got the short end of the stick for quite a while. My husband and I have a severely autistic 25 year old son who is pervasively mentally delayed, so he's basically about 6 months old, he's non verbal, wears diapers, and needs constant supervision. To this day, I am still running myself ragged making sure that my dad is giving mom the right pills, she's getting her bath on time, and such, as well as ensuring that mom's dr's appts are scheduled properly and attended.

I am also understanding about the backlash. When I was living with them for that six months, my mom would jump down my throat about the smallest things, I believe it was mainly because of the fact that she's depressed because she's no longer able to walk, therefore she can't do the things that she used to. My dad was the same way. You know how older people are? They're set in their ways, many of them, and don't like change. Living with them was trying at times was difficult because dad had things a certain way, and would get upset if I changed anything. I had clothing and such items there, and he was in army, so he liked things arranged in a certain way. Mom had many items that he threw away, or moved to the shed in the backyard. This sent mom into a frenzy. Put all of this together with the fact that our son needs full time care, jobs, homemaking, cooking, cleaning, etc.

In April of 2022 I was diagnosed with NHL, but it was a different type than the one that my mom had. So, add chemo, radiation, testing, etc. to all of the stuff that I am doing for mom and dad, and that's a lot of stress. I managed to get things down to a dull roar by sorting out all of her situations that required specialists, medications, PT, OT, speech therapy, visiting nurses, and the like. Mom is depressed these days because she knows that her and dad's life has changed, although she won't show it. There are days when she is more grouchy than others, but overall, we've settled into a routine that works. Mind you there are big hiccups, such as when she has to see a new specialist, or have an adjustment in meds or dosage, but they are usually few.

Unfortunately, there aren't many programs around my area that offer home nursing, respite care, and such, at least not any that don't charge an arm and a leg, even with Medicare. So, we're left to do our own thing. Mom and dad live literally down the street and around the corner, one mile away. It does make it easier on providing the care. I can understand about how overwhelming things can be when it's just you providing the care and the stability that they need. Sending out big hugs to you, and I will keep you in my prayers. Good evening!