A wives journey

two2tango
two2tango Member Posts: 1 *
edited July 2023 in Prostate Cancer #1

Husband (66) has been diagnosed with low grade PC. PSA doubled to 5.6 in one year. MRI confirmed 2 lesions prompting a biopsy. 6 out of 12 core samples 3+3, one core sample 3+4. Gleason 7.

Husband opted for AS at this time with Doctor’s approval. Doesn’t want radiation nor HT. Refuses 2nd opinion.

that was 3 months ago.

all of a sudden he’s talking about surgery. Wants it out.

I’m surprised over his sudden mind change since he didn’t want any invasive tx initially and actively thought my opinion on tx options. We are well aware of the possible ramifications with surgery and he wasn’t ready to enter that stage in life especially with his low grade stage of PC.

as a wife I’m wondering how many of you have based your decisions on the input/opinion of your wife? Did you involve her at all or was it a “my cancer, my body, my decision” situation?

How much of a role in your decision making did your wife’s opinion play?

Comments

  • On_A_Journey
    On_A_Journey Member Posts: 132 Member
    edited July 2023 #2

    Hello,

    At the end of the day, AS can only last so long. Prostate cancer will not just go away by itself if it is not treated somehow. Your husband knows that he is a ticking time bomb. He has probably taken 3 months to change his mind after doing much research and getting used to the idea of surgery. You are obviously surprised by his decision but I seriously doubt that it was a sudden one for him.

    Opinions and guidance from our wives is valuable, but is only one factor. Your support of him is more important.

  • lighterwood67
    lighterwood67 Member Posts: 393 Member
    #3

    Well, I was sitting at our kitchen counter when they called me and confirmed that I had PC (Gleason 4+3=7). We decided we would weigh both options (surgery or radiation). In our opinion, we decided that the radiation approach would impact Quality of life more than the surgical. I have been fortunate with the side effects and results so far. That is, PSA undetectable; continent; intimate with wife. The RP was done in March 2018; I was 67. I am 72 now. As said above, your support for him is crucial, but the decision is his. Good luck on your journey.

  • Clevelandguy
    Clevelandguy Member Posts: 1,180 Member
    #4

    Hi,

    To answer your question yes my wife and I did discuss the options of my Pca but she left the decision on surgery vs radiation up to me. The reason is because I am a retired engineer who did lots of data analysis, sometimes to the excess. Whether you choose AS,surgery,or radiation is up to you and your husband plus the doctor team. I chose robotic surgery back in 2014 and have been undetectable ever since. I do leak a drop or two when I lift something heavy, so I wear a daily light pad. ED did happen initially but recovered to a useable member. Both radiation and surgery patients on this forum have had fantastic to not so fantastic recoveries so study and consult to make the best choice. My wife was there to support me through the whole process. Good luck………..

    Dave 3+4

  • Old Salt
    Old Salt Member Posts: 1,505 Member
    #5

    The three prior posts illuminate the topic quite well IMHO.

    Again, in my opinion (and yours, I believe), he could continue the active surveillance, but ultimately, it's his decision.

  • Steve1961
    Steve1961 Member Posts: 618 Member
    #6

    Pc cancer has 3 steps or 3 plans in my opinion plan a surgery get rid of it period you’ll be done with it I personally have known three or four men that I’ve had it done and they’re all perfectly fine. They went back to work within three weeks and then there’s always a Plan B if it happens to come back which will be radiation and then if that doesn’t work the dreaded plan c hormone treatments that’s just my opinion I opted for Plan B radiation and I six years later it’s back and I don’t know what the heck I’m gonna do because it’s very hard to take it out after radiation. Don’t give it too much thought . If he want to take it out you should support him look it up is the gold standard majority of the men have it removed find yourself the surgeon that has done at least 2500 of them set a date. You don’t look back that’s just my opinion. Good luck.

  • eonore
    eonore Member Posts: 185 Member
    edited July 2023 #7

    Surgery is NOT the gold standard. Both surgery and radiation are the gold standard. They have almost identical cure rates, radiation is generally felt to have less side effects. As for surgery being better because you get a second bite at the apple if a recurrence happens, since the cure rates are the same this evidently does not offer an advantage. My decision to have surgery was dictated by urinary retention problems which meant that something had to be done about my prostate along with cancer treatment. I was left with serious permanent side effects from the surgery. I then had salvage radiation when my cancer recurred. Radiation was a walk in the park compared to surgery.

    Also, the notion that active surveillance is a ticking time bomb is also incorrect. There are many men who stay on active surveillance for their entire remaining lives. Active surveillance is actually active monitoring until up becomes necessary to treat if ever.

    Do your research, talk to a surgical oncologist, a radiation oncologist and a medical oncologist. Choose what is right for you. I recommend the videos posted on YouTube by the Prostate Cancer Research Institute, or PCRI. They are very informative, and cover these topicic and more.

    As far as my decision making, my significant other helped by listening and supporting. However, she is more about feeling and I am more analytical. Ultimately, I made the decisions.

    Eric

  • On_A_Journey
    On_A_Journey Member Posts: 132 Member
    #8

    OP suggested a doubling time of only 12 months. I agree that some gentlemen can live with AS for their remaining days and that it isn't really an issue to die with PCa instead of from it, but for someone who is only 66 and doesn't want the cancer to spread, then this is a case of tick, tick, tick...

  • Old Salt
    Old Salt Member Posts: 1,505 Member
    #9

    The 'wonderful' thing with 'active surveillance' is that one can postpone treatment for a number of years and live a mostly normal life in the interim.

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