Scared and Anxious!

CMills,

Sorry you are finding it difficult to deal with your diagnosis and treatment - but not surprised. There is nothing in what you write that will seem odd to a fellow cancer patient - or, indeed, to your medical team. As for your comment on your perception of time while going through treatment, again, I think you will find many people who can relate to that.

Being told that you have an "easy" diagnosis may have incidentally conveyed to you the notion that you shouldn't complain about any of this, and silenced you as a result. The result is the sense of isolation - which you do not express in so many words, but has clearly driven you here. This does not necessarily mean that you do not have people around you who care and support you as best they can through this, but that you may feel as though you are alone with those fears and thoughts you are experiencing.

My advice to you then, since you ask for it, is to open up to your doctor and/or nurse about your having a hard time dealing with those fears and thoughts and ask to be referred to a psychologist or social worker. Your care team probably includes them, or have at hand a list of people who are competent with cancer patients. You may also want to ask them about a suitable support group (lymphoma / young adult patients). Another option (and all of the above can be used jointly) is specific gym/yoga/mindfulness classes, etc.

To sum it up, you are not alone, and the first step to not feeling isolated with your fears is telling your care team about them and asking for solutions to manage that universally acknowledged aspect of dealing with a cancer diagnosis. If their response is not satisfactory or if cost is an issue, you may also want to turn to the LLS (Leukemia & Lymphoma Society - https://www.lls.org/) to see what they have to offer.

I hope this helps. Please let us know how you fare.

PBL

I hate seeing you in this position at such a tender age. But it is what it is. You seem to be doing well. There are basically two “hardwired” responses to fear and danger - fight or flight. Unfortunately we cannot run from cancer though some I have known retreat into drugs. My personal response to diagnosis, after the shock of hearing it was “why me, health-wise I have done everything right ?”. I soon realized that none of that mattered - it is what it is and like it or not I had to deal with it. It was much better for me when I decided not to be the victim. Someone said “ courage is when you are scared to death but saddle up anyway”. Fight back aggressively. Question authority. Drive your own life. Odds are tremendously in your favor on this. Kick cancer in the a$$ and defeat it. Things will improve tremendously after cycle 6 and you get your NED diagnosis from the upcoming CT. All my best. Your darkest hour is almost over. Best wishes.

Sorry to hear about this challenge. No one asks for this to happen, but happen it does, and for no apparent reason. "Challenge" is the way I chose to deal with it. For day-to-day coping, finding a satisfying way to keep busy, even mentally occupied, is one way of dealing with this. Allow your mind to occupy itself with things you love while your body deals with the thing you do not love. Do you have hobbies or favorite activities that you are able to accomplish? They can be touchstones to some degree of 'normal' while the rest of your life is spinning. Chances are that something you enjoyed very much before all of this is still something you can enjoy.

As you have heard, classical Hodgkin's is pretty much a disease of the young - but if one must face this, honestly it is far better to face it when you are more resilient. For a very high percentage of Hodgkin's patients (80% or more), it is "once and done" so your prognosis is very good indeed.

Staying in contact with family and friends is very helpful and love is tested at such times. Some may disappoint you, but others will step up and that does your heart good. Some of your family and friends may act strangely or avoid you. What that tells you is that they simply do mnot know what to do, they feel awkward, and so the choose to do little or nothing. I would forgive them that, as they must deal with feelings of helplessness - as much as they want to help. But sometimes, just spending time with you - even in silence - is such a great comfort. They are also suffering; certainly less than you and for a shorter time, but they suffer. This is the sacrifice of love and love is the most powerful force on earth.

Many will say "You can do this" or "You got this", but in reality, you are doing this and have already done so much. My hematologist likens treatment to the storm that we must pass through on our way to a vacation spot. The goal is rest and relaxation in a peaceful place. Therefore, look ahead to that peaceful time and the comfort that will arrive once this is behind you.

I was 29 when diagnosed, I’m sorry you are having a hard time. You should apply for social security disability incase you need time to recover after your treatments. They make you wait several months so apply now

It’s been over a year now I hope you are doing well ! It’s such a scary state of being truly. I found my lymphoma 3 days before my 20th birthday in july and was finally diagnosed at the end of august with classic hodgkins. i’m on my second round right now and i’m feeling pretty good and it’s jarring knowing i feel good yet i’m still so sick. i know how it feels to have a support system yet still feel lonely, this cancer sh!t is hard. i sincerely hope after all this time for you the treatments have been successful and you are doing much better ! you are so strong ! recovery isn’t linear and i am simply a random person on the internet but you are in my thoughts :]