10 years out, really life????

Helen321
Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
edited August 2022 in Colorectal Cancer #1

Hi its Helen for those who know me from 2012/13. The boards give me anxiety so I tend to avoid them. I was happy to have beaten cancer. Lost my job of 28 years last year which qualified me temporarily for medicaid. So my new GP runs a test that my old gp didnt. Serum 19-9c. Comes up with a cancer tunor marker. Norm is 30. Mine waa 60 90 is considered a given tumor. 60 could mean a few things I REALLY need this to be pancreatitis or some other fixable disorder I was so happy that I was at the 10 year mark.

I did fall off the healthy diet. Maybe life is reminding me that healrhy eating has to be a permanenr life change and that I'm being too careless. I did enjoy a lot of chips and cookies, way too much during covid. I never used to eat cookies and chips. I even started drinking soda after 8 years. I dont know why.

2012 resection. 2012 tumor grew back. Chemo/rad. 2013 apr w/permanent ostomy. Cancer free.

2022 ostomy has a hernia. Fixing in June. Testing in April for pancreas=( hopng next week I can write still cancer free. I honestly dont have the energy for this. Life has been very hard for 10 years since surgery, Ive had an incredible amount of pain at the surgery site due to scar tissue and due to tight stitches. Id appreciate a break.

Exactly 10 years to the month. Kind of crazy. I so hope this is just a wake up call.

Comments

  • StonedCamaro
    StonedCamaro Member Posts: 38 Member
    #2

    Sorry to hear your struggles. I worry about all those things you speak of. And I fully question if I'd go through all this again in the future?!🙄🤔

    Pray for the results you want and try to let go of the worry....what will be will be! I'm trying to make of list of things I want to see, do, experience in this life time. Not a bucket list just something to focus and daydream about and purpose to get through this ****😜

    Prayers for the best outcome for you!

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #3
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1695596#Comment_1695596

    Thanks. Im trying to distract myself until Apriñ 5th when I'll get testing. My CEA is añso slightly raised . Cancer treatment is hell on earth. I so dont want to go through that again. I felt so home free.

  • SnapDragon2
    SnapDragon2 Member Posts: 720 Member
    #4

    Hi Helen, I pray it is something other than recurrence.

    Cancer is the beast that doesn't give up easily.

    Stay on it and keep us updated.

  • Trubrit
    Trubrit Member Posts: 5,804 Member
    edited April 2022 #5

    Life is full of hard knocks, and it seems too many of us get a full dose. I just had a whacker heart attack, that nearly took me out. I'm like 'Come on. Give me a break!'

    As for diet. Do you remember NanaB? She was NED for many years, it all came back and she passed. I met her a month or so before the end. I will never forget her words 'I wish I had kept to my healthy diet'. She too had lapsed back to eating the goodies that seem to be bad for us, and she was sure that is what caused her recurrence. I have tried to remember her words to stop me lapsing, but alas, it didn't work; so I had a heart attack. it's almost like someone is saying 'Get your act together, woman. This is your last chance.' You've had your nine lives'.

    I really hope that you are experiencing some kind of anomaly, that has caused the marker to be high. Hold on to that hope.

    Tru

  • MandiePandie
    MandiePandie Member Posts: 109 Member
    #6

    Damn.

    The diet part is hard, the balance between doing all you can to promote your health but also living and enjoying your life (by eating cookies of course) is an art.

    I hope the results prove to nothing to worry about.

  • Momof2plusteentwins
    Momof2plusteentwins Member Posts: 509 Member
    #7

    Hi Helen ~

    Long time no talk! I met you on here 10 years ago, my 10 year mark too. I haven’t had a recurrence butt lots of cancer related problems. I hope you had good news with no cancer. I don’t know if I could go through this all again. I am getting a CT tomorrow after not having one for 3 years. I have just had CEAs that have been normal. I have also been eating terrible, butt I have been eating bad all my life and when I was diagnosed I decided if I am going to die I will enjoy food in the mean time. Here I am 10 years later and fatter than ever 😊. Hope everything went well.

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,289 Member
    #8

    Hi Helen, life seems to find dramatic milestones and challenges for some of us, no matter what our diet and lifestyle are, though I've been as casual about it as anyone here. Even without another recurrence, I've seen enough drama to feel worn out by life, slowly losing the folks, caring for my granddaughter after a bad accident, etc. The last 15 years, since the first diagnosis of CC, was more emotional than the first 49 put together, I'm now assuming it just goes that way with aging, only we here wound up on a much harder path than whatever the average is. I hope your new test turns out to be some other issue or nothing, but an aberration, you too have had enough drama of this sort.................................Dave

  • beaumontdave
    beaumontdave Member Posts: 1,289 Member
    #9
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698085#Comment_1698085

    I just noticed this is 3 months old, I hope June went okay for you, and if they did another Serum 19-9c, the numbers improved........................Dave

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #10
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1695616#Comment_1695616

    Hey Sue, I PM'd you but I just can't believe you had a heart attack, you poor thing. This life is just ridiculous sometimes. I'm so glad you are a trooper. I just can't imagine what you're going through. You'll be glad to know...I'm back to my healthy diet. Already down 21 pounds and counting. Exercising, eating what I can tolerate as far as fruit and veg but no more chips, cookies or soda, not even organic. Sadly we don't have the luxury. I am going to sending you incredible thoughts, prayers, juju and energy into the universe. You need it more than I do. The tumor marker is in limbo. No signs of cancer, the doctor thinks it's a fluke. My CEA has never been up so we're going to check in Sept again but my oncologist thinks it's just my norm. Some people's norms are higher than others. My father's family is full of colon and pancreatic cancer so I'm being vigilant and insistent even if my doctor isn't worried. Had I been vigilant and insistent the first round, I wouldn't have developed cancer.

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #11
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698086#Comment_1698086

    Hey Dave!!!! Glad to see you. Then numbers have remained the same. My doctor thinks it's a fluke. We'll do another round in September.

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #12
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698085#Comment_1698085

    Good Lord I can relate to this. The last 10 years of my life have been absolute hell. Between the grandkids and my mom with alzheimers, add mental and physical health and it's just pure exhaustion. I mean I'm up at 4:00 in the morning because my colon prep didn't work for some reason. I did the normal prep and no output in my ostomy. I finally went to bed at 10, I got tired of waiting. Woke up in a puddle at 1:00 and it's still coming. Life just seems to be a constant flow of shitaki. Tonight literally. I'm glad to see you on here, glad you are doing well. I so miss the old crew. Even though we were all sick, we had such good laughs on here. BTW....it's Friday, what's your plan or the weekend. Remember that one? Gosh I loved reading everyone's plans for the weekends. How I miss them all so much. Not sure why I'm still here and I do try and do appreciate it, but life is a bit cruel after cancer. With the dog, the kids, my mom and my ostomy, 50% of my life is about poop. lol I recognize though that there are people still doing chemo and rad and struggling with cancer who would switch with me in a minute. So I remind myself constantly to be grateful for the clean health moment I'm being given, poop and all.

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #13
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1695623#Comment_1695623

    Truer words have never been spoken. I am happy to report, I stepped away from the table. lol I'm down 21 pounds. 21 to go. Boy covid was a time for eating. No more cookies, chips or soda, not even the organic. I'm worth keeping alive so I'm back to my healthy eating and exercise. I do believe in my case, along with my chemo, I was lucky it kept me alive. I know others who went all organic and didn't make it. Crazy how you never know what actually worked and what didn't. One second can change an outcome, one choice in one moment. I did elimination of all the "no list" foods from my diet 10 years ago....oh how I miss bbq but it's a toxin so nope. I've had 2 hamburgers off the grill. Did have two glasses of wine in the last 8 years as well, I'm only human=) Sad that wine is a no no. I can do without it. I'm having a 4th grandbaby and I'd like to see her grow up=)

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #14
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1698083#Comment_1698083

    Heyyyyy!!!!! So good to see you on here!!!!!! Of course I know who you are, as if I'd ever forget you, you helped me keep my sanity in the most insane time in life. lol. Thanks for that. So many people on this page helped me keep my sanity. I was losing it pretty badly when the cancer came back. I hope people can say the same about me.

    I envy you. I wish I could just eat whatever I want but it seems whenever I do, I pay the price with my health. The ostomy doesn't help. It's an endless fountain some days with no explanation. I've had prediabetes, high cholesterol for the first time ever with the recent potato chips. I used to have low cholesterol. So I'm back to healthy eating and exercise. Now down 21 lbs. Going back to my precancer weight so 21 to go. Not even doing organic junk, just not doing it to myself. Enjoy those cookies for both of us please! I am so grateful to see so many familiar names on this post. sad to see new ones. Gosh it's been a hard road when we lost so many people we had come to love. Makes you wonder why you're still here sometimes. Pure dumb luck, life makes no sense. I am so glad you're still here too. I have no news this round. The doctor thinks it's a fluke. We're testing again in September. I'm up in the middle of the night because I'm having a colonoscopy/endoscopy tomorrow and for whatever reason, my ostomy delayed releasing the output. Could be the hernia. Surgeon asked me to keep losing weight if I could. The more I lose, the better the result. So I am. WIll do the hernia surgery when I'm down to my original weight. I doubt it's a blockage tonight, I've been having steady output lately. Just one of those things. I'm up in the middle of the night more for this ostomy than I was for 3 kids. Hope you and the family are all doing okay. I so missing talking to everyone on the boards but sadly even the word cancer gives me a heck of a lot of anxiety. Love, Helen

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    #15
    https://csn.cancer.org/discussion/comment/1695610#Comment_1695610

    It's also the gift that keeps on giving. It leaves you all kinds of special health issues afterwards. I love your name SnapDragon. I was so distraught when my cancer came back so quickly that year, I couldn't think of a catchy name. I hope you are doing ok in your fight. I don't come on the boards much due to health anxiety but I come on to keep tabs on people. I'll add you to my list of tabs=) Will read some of your posts after some sleep. Prep for a colonoscopy went wrong tonight with an ostomy. Need to try to go back to bed. As I go back to sleep I wish you UP and NED!

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