Hi, I’m new

DoveSoup
DoveSoup Member Posts: 9 Member
edited August 2022 in Colorectal Cancer #1

I’m Dove,

My husband has had a tumor and lymph nodes removed (stage 3) He’s in chemo now.

I have no one to talk to, even my husband has shut me out. I feel like I’m already losing him or like he’s already leaving me. I hurt so bad. I know it’s not about me, but damn how do I get through this?

Comments

  • SandiaBuddy
    SandiaBuddy Member Posts: 1,381 Member
    #2

    Men can be weird. Sometimes they think not talking about something protects their family. Sometimes they think they should be tough. I know nothing of your situation, but it is possible. Chemo is no fun.

  • DoveSoup
    DoveSoup Member Posts: 9 Member
    #3

    Thank you, at least someone out there heard me

    I pleaded with him to wait. To not sign up for the program at this time. it’s a special program sponsored by the VA, it’s held at a local community college. He could sign up for the course inJanuary when the new semester begins

    let’s get through this first I say

    He acted like I was being selfish, then he got angry and yelled at me. Now he’s at the class from 2:30 to 9 o’clock Monday through Thursday for the next four months.

    What’s to know the love of my life has cancer and he’s shut me out. I get to spend time with him 3 days a week.

  • Real Tar Heel
    Real Tar Heel Member Posts: 307 Member
    #4

    Like many other patients, whether stage 1 or IV, we may sometimes feel like we're facing death. Have you considered he may be sliding into a depressive state? He doesn't have to have had it before to experience it anew. There are probably a lot of things going through his head, things I wouldn't begin to assume, but one may be that you can't possibly understand what he's going through. I had that on occasion no doubt. It probably feels like crap to you, but also to him. See what the day brings.

  • DoveSoup
    DoveSoup Member Posts: 9 Member
    #5

    We are going to see his oncologist today

    I’m going to tell her we are not fine and we need help.

  • Chris2328
    Chris2328 Member Posts: 19 Member
    #6

    In the two months after diagnosis before my boyfriend died, he had bouts of anger toward me which were very uncharacteristic of how he was before the diagnosis.

    He was a very quiet person, and I often found myself finishing his sentences, or speaking for him. When he was diagnosed, we figured out together that it was really important that he be able to express himself fully, without me interjecting my thoughts. I had to really pay attention and make a fast change, but I think he appreciated my effort and it helped us navigate lots of important conversations with doctors. It was hard! I wanted lots of information from them, and at times, I had to put my hand over my mouth to remind me. :)

    There may be something he needs from you now that he can't express. It is hard to set your own needs aside for closeness. You may ask if there is a social worker or counsellor who can help you address how to communicate during this very difficult time.

    I hope this is helpful. Wishing you strength during this most challenging of times. XXOO

  • DoveSoup
    DoveSoup Member Posts: 9 Member
    #7

    We were told a social worker would be contacting us, we haven’t heard anything from anyone yet.

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