Anyone NOT recommend reconstruction?

You are resilient! My goodness, what you have endured and are so strong. I admire that you haven't stop fighting but don't let the dark days outnumber the sunny ones. Radiation was very hard for me and though my name is not Robin, I said to the radiation tech that I should have been and she asked why and it was because my chest was so red from the burning of the radiation that I said, "ever hear of Robin Red Breast?" As for the Anastrizole they wanted me to take for 5 years, I declined to take it. That made my medical oncologist really mad at me. He yelled at me, "Do what the hell you want," and he left, slamming the exam room door. I had my reasons...I had been diagnosed with a macular hole in one eye and was due to have surgery to try to repair it and that drug had some side effect that affects eye health. Got to make lots of choices with cancer treatment and it is not easy. You have to know the options and pick the best one, in your heart, that feels right. Sending light and love your way.

I just recently found this discussion and decided I had to create an account and join in. Thank you, Judemo, for starting this thread. I know I need to engage with others who understand what I'm dealing with.

I was diagnosed with hormone receptor positive breast cancer in August 2009. I had a mastectomy followed by four rounds of chemo and 30+ rounds of radiation and several years of pills. In addition to the mastectomy, the size of the unaffected breast was reduced and implants were put in both sides. Fast forward to February 2020 when I fell and ruptured the implant on the mastectomy side. This past November 3rd I had both implants removed and my left breast removed as well. Pre-cancerous cells were found during biopsy of that breast so any questions I had about that decision were put to rest. I wanted nothing more to do with implants so my only other option was to accept that I would spend the rest of my days as a woman without breasts.

I'm struggling with my new appearance. I had hoped for flat and am disappointed with my now concaved chest. Since I seriously don't want to wear bras or prosthetics anymore, I'm going to have to figure out how to dress this up and present it to the world in a way I'm comfortable with. I'm 68, retired, and isolating from covid so my world is pretty small right now. Being that it's winter, wearing multiple layers helps me not feel too exposed, but summer will be a different story. For now, I just keep doing the recommended physical therapy exercises and I'm working with a therapist who is helping me with scar healing and maintenance.

Thank you all for your time and energy. It's good to know you are there and that you care.

Hi Judemo, it was really nice reading your reply. My name is Gayle, and I really didn't think about a cancer recurrence as I was getting sick. I had had hip pain for a couple years precipitated by sitting cock-eyed on a bar stool at an afternoon rock concert hosted by my niece, so I just kept blaming it on old age and arthritis. Actually, I was driven to the Dr. by breathing problems that were not helped with asthma meds and a nebulizer. Covid changed so much, and my clinic was not doing face-to-face so my medical care was through the advice nurse and on-call physicians. When I tested negative for Covid a few times I was put on the backburner until I insisted on an appointment and a chest Xray. The shortest version is that a cancer recurrence was diagnosed- my right lung did not show on the imaging, and it turned out my pleural cavity was full of fluid and my lung was collapsed. Later it was determined there were cancer cells in the fluid. The cancer in the neck of my femur was determined to be cancerous from a PET scan. I technically do not have lung cancer or bone cancer, I guess, it is breast cancer metastasized to lymph nodes in my chest and the others I already mentioned. I am really okay- tired, very little pain, and extremely grateful for every day I have vertical. This site is really helpful in processing cancer and hearing from otherrs who understand. God Bless.

Hi, thanks for your kindness. I have never really felt devastated; actually, I don't think I feel much of any reaction at all. At first I thought it was shock or denial but it doesn't feel like that. I am at peace and that does not mean I am in a hurry or waiting to die. I love my family and have lovely friends and a really good life- I just feel at peace and I am happy. Maybe I am nuts but maybe I am just relieved I got all those healthier years to raise my kids and help raise my grandchildren. They are now happy, lovely people and I am grateful that I am loved. I agree with you that the diagnosis can be devastating but so much of that depends on so many other things- age, personality, responsibilities, pain, resources, emotional baggage, fear, pain tolerance... I guess I kind of feel done with what I wanted to do with my life and now I am satisfied with reaping the rewards and just relax finally. I do have to say that dealing with a marriage and sexuality sounds like a double-edged sword. Perhaps more physical and emotional support but also dealing with hormonal changes and vulnerability that I don't have to deal with. I do struggle with my self-image- weight gain, hair loss, scars, no breasts, etc. I am used to being in public with no prosthetics- it's funny but a neighbor of mine said he thought I was just flat chested......long story. Strangely, it helped. I still hate my hair, very thin and bald on top. I feel like Emmet Kelly's grandmother. (A work in progress) So far wigs make me feel like Carol Burnett's grandmother. Anyway, how are you feeling? Do you trust your treatment team? How are you tolerating your medication and the radiation? I will dsend tons of good wishes your way!!! Gayle

Thank you for sharing your journey; I can relate to your concerns. When I was getting used to having no breasts, after having rather large breast most of my life, I found that pretty camisoles under nice shirts and really pretty scarves helped with the transition. As I wore scarves wrapped around my head during chemo (trying to channel Lana Turner) I just started wearing them draped around my neck and across my chest. I don't think people notice it as much as we think they do. I have a neighbor who was surprised when I got sick this time, it was hard to hide because an ambulance showed up, when I explained he said he thought I was just flat chested. In ordinary circumstances I would have been very uncomfortable, but it was really funny to me and put much of my anxiety in its proper perspective. Best wishes for your recovery and I'm glad you found this site. Gayle

I am incredibly lucky to have such a supportive husband and 4 children who love me and will do anything for me. I have been thru a lot since 2008 with 3 other cancers , surgeries 3 different times for prolapsed bladder for bladder sling because of mesh failures. I will be 79 in May and am mostly healthy and feel good. I just hope this radiation and pills coming up don't do more damage than good. This is a comforting and informative site to visit, glad I found it.

You GO girl!