Friendships Lost???

mamou
mamou Member Posts: 15
edited March 2014 in Breast Cancer #1
Have any of you lost friends due to having cancer??? It seems like some of my friends are scared to come around now. I've tried to tell them that if they hug me their breast won't fall off. Can't get some of them to understand that I really need their support right now. My husband has been great, but it sure would be nice to talk to another woman sometime.

Later,
Julie

Comments

  • bcs
    bcs Member Posts: 4
    #2
    i have a friend that avoids me...even in the grocery store she'll hide.. but she did write me a letter explaining how much she cares, but can't deal with it. most of my other friends are supportive.
  • ktinkey
    ktinkey Member Posts: 170 Member
    #3
    Hi Julie,

    It is hard for some people to deal with cancer, but if you need some female companionship you have come to the right place. Since all of us have gone through it or are going through it, we can understand and help. Are you going throgh chemo? A lot of people just have a hard time dealing with anyone who looks "sick". They don't know what to say - they are afraid they will say the wrong thing, so they say nothing. They are afraid to hug you, because they don't want to hurt you. You may have to take the initiative and hug them first! If you can be positive around them it will help them a lot. I know many of my friends said my attitude really helped them. When you are feeling down and need someone to talk to, we are here. I have made many close friendships on this site. You can e-mail me at Ritch@peoplepc.com. I am 48 and a two time survivor and now fighting again. Hope this helps. Keep in touch.

    God Bless,
    Kathy
  • rizzo15
    rizzo15 Member Posts: 153 Member
    #4
    You're not alone with this. I've had several friends check in to see if I really had cancer, then I never heard from them again. I think it's kind of like when you get laid off from your job. To some people you suddenly become "invisible". They can't handle it; and are not destined to travel this part of my journey with me. Maybe this is the wrong attitude, but I just have to let them go for now. I have way, way too much to do between work and breast cancer stuff (and diabetes stuff!), and my little hobbys and projects. I've heard that local support groups are great. Also, I've made a few new friends by just talking to the gals while we're sitting around getting our chemo transfusions.
  • jeancmici
    jeancmici Member Posts: 665 Member
    #5
    My doctor said this is the time you know who your real friends are. Sad but true.

    Jean
  • murphy
    murphy Member Posts: 38 Member
    #6
    Hi Julie, Yes it does happen as you can see, unfortunatelly. I say I lost my best friend to cancer...mine (thankfully it was just temporary) But because she was (still is) my best friend I knew she had trouble dealing with illness (uncertain about death) She would e mail me and say she is thinking of me but then go on to say how busy she is etc etc etc. It really hurt and made me sad eventhough I understood, I never told her how I felt. Now that I am cancer free we have resumed our friendship as normal and I have vowed if anything like that happens to her (God forbid that it does) I will be there because going through something like cancer makes you realize how improtant life is and who and what really are important. I'm glad your husband is a great supporter and I'm sure you have found how great this site is but it still doesn't take the place of a good friend wrapping her arms around you and saying it's going to be ok. I really hope they come around for you. I wish you all the best. Murphy
  • Pattyh
    Pattyh Member Posts: 14
    #7
    I have lost 2 dear friends.I always thought I understood their feelings. being recently diagnosed myself I now understand that I did not have a clue what they were feeling. As far as friends advoiding you, my assistant at work seemed distant. I told her it was not catchy and she did not have to be afraid of me. we both had a good laugh. I think they don't know what to say. You need to approach them and not wait for them to come to you.
  • Lynn1988
    Lynn1988 Member Posts: 2 Member
    edited November 2021 #8
    Lost Dear Friend

    Yes, it happens and sometimes it's hard not to blame ourselves.  My sweet friend visited and brought meals during my treatment and when it was all over I was struggling to 'get back into life.'  This is when things changed. My situation was 'not an early dx,' and it scared some people away. She left to go out of town for a few weeks and said we'd go out and celebrate my birthday when she returned. A month, two months, and then almost a third month went by and finally she left a message. I was so upset and disappointed, I deleted the message without listening to it. Horrible of me to do and of course I regret it but to wait almost a full three months to call me? She lived about 15 min away. We never regained being in communication. I did write to her on facebook telling her in a 'kind way' how I had felt, but no response. It's so hard when you look back on life befoe cancer and realize how close you were to certain friends. The only way to cope is to MOVE forward. 

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