So Many Questions...

t519 · August 2021

First, I want to mention that reading the posts here have been helpful.

I initially joined this site months ago to read more regarding my father's diagnosis (he was diagnosed in March of 2020 with kidney cancer). Weeks later, we understood he was Stage IV with mets to lungs and bones. He has been receiving immunotherapy, and we are blessed that he has responded well to this treatment so far. Initially, he had lost a lot of weight (from 195 down to 134), but I am so happy to report he's now back up to 154. I tend to attribute this to the fact that I have an absolutely amazing Warrior-Mom who is by his side and feeding him well. They have been married 50 years. In fact, they will celebrate 51 tomorrow.

In May of this year, I started having back aches. I had also had rectal bleeding for a few years that my doctor said was likely hemorrhoids. Long story short, I had an upper endoscopy and colonoscopy completed that resulted in having to have a second colonoscopy and EMR to remove a rectal polyp that had a precancerous pattern. Received pathology report and doctor's phone call letting me know there were cells on the margin that he believed would "not be a problem later due to cauterization completed upon the EMR removal of the 2.4cm lesion", but the whole experience left me a bit unnerved, and I am back for yet another colonoscopy in December. I can't complain, as I give credit to the doctor that I didn't have to have the trans-anal surgery to remove it instead. I also have to mention that the first doctor completing the first colonoscopy could not determine if the polyp was in the rectum or anus, so that started me on a whole other search prior to them determining it was in the rectum. Dr. Google has NOT been my friend, and I clearly didn't give you the "long story short" version, did I?

Since that time, I have had a few x-rays to try to figure out why the back and abdominal pain (which I assumed might be from two colonoscopies within two weeks) persisted.

In February of 2020, at the age of 45, I had bleeding that lasted for three weeks. I mentioned this to a colleague who thought it might be due to beginning perimenopause or menopause. My mom was finished with menstruation at 47, so I thought it might be possible. I went to the OB/GYN and she did an edometrial biopsy which came back negative. I had bleeding for three weeks from mid-January to Feb. 5th, and then again from Feb 8th to 27th in 2020. The doctor wrote on her notes that she did not do US due to age and she believed this was me transitioning into next phase. Since March of 2020, my periods have been 23/24 days apart, heavy, but only for maybe three days. No spotting between. I have always had heavy periods that used to last 7-8 days.

When I met with my doctor this year, she ordered the US and I received the report that says I have:

Findings

Uterus is 8.4x5.6x4.3 cm (yes, you now know more about me than I did last week).

Endometrial stripe is 14 mm in thickness. (I ended up with the US right before I would have started my period - 1 day later...but still curious about this one)

Heterogeneous hypoechoic 1.7 cm lesion closely associated with the endometrial stripe in the uterine fundus with some internal vascular flow. 2 additional posterior subcentimeter intramural uterine body/fundal lesions also noted. Ovaries are within normal limits. No adnexal mass. No significant pelvic free fluid.

On follow up with the doctor yesterday, she felt doing a hysteroscopy would be best for the polyp, and said it might also be a fibroid. The top of the report about "findings" said:

1.7 cm heterogeneous lesion closely associated with the endometrial stripe at the uterine fundus may represent polyp versus submucosal fibroid.

I guess I am writing all of this to try to sort out what it might be beforehand, as I want to either be prepared for what may be coming, or to calm myself if I am just spinning from the previous few months. What I have read seems to suggest it would have been better to read that a polyp was "homogeneous and hyperechoic". I think the reason I am a bit more nervous than normal is that I developed a slight cough about 6 weeks ago, and I have had upper back and shoulder pain that had me worried previously. I know my mom attributes the aches and pains to possible perimenopause. I have had tons of night sweats, but again, not sure if it's one thing or another. I had a chest x-ray that was clear in July, as well as a lumbar x-ray and cervical - both just showing mild disc degeneration and spondylosis.

So, any thoughts are welcomed. I am waiting for the doctor to call to schedule the hysterscopy. She didn't feel the endometrial biopsy was the best route when I saw her as she said she prefers to take the polyp/lesion/possible fibroid out directly and that the endometrial biopsy wouldn't necessarily show specifics compared to taking the lesion out and sending it for pathology.

I am so sorry for writing so long. I am an only child and single mom (dad hasn't been involved for more than 10 years) to an awesome 14-year-old son. I don't want to bother my mom with this, as she is the caretaker for my dad and is handling so very much. I also live in California and they are in Texas. I visited in July and want to keep the focus on good news for both of them, as my parents have always been awesome with recognizing that each day is a gift and the focus is on the day since we don't know what tomorrow holds.

I appreciate reading all of your stories and seeing that no matter which direction this goes, I can find support.

Apologies for how long that was. I feel like I have been able to find more information on this forum than I have been able to find when asking my doctors, so I thank you for that.

T

MAbound · August 2021

Doing the right things

I'm sorry to hear about all that you and your family are dealing with, but happy to hear about how some things are going for your father.

As far as yourself, you are following a path that many of us had to go on in order to get diagnosed one way or another. The slow motion of it all can be maddening when you need to know so that you can make plans, but keep in mind that it's all a process that takes time and while that is happening nothing is growing at light speed even if it is there. The hysteroscopy is the step that will be the most definitive, so you are absolutely going in the right direction for your answers. Once you have results, then you can move on to the next thing. I'm glad you are here and we'll help in any way as you go along.

t519 · August 2021

MAbound said:
Doing the right things
I'm sorry to hear about all that you and your family are dealing with, but happy to hear about how some things are going for your father.

As far as yourself, you are following a path that many of us had to go on in order to get diagnosed one way or another. The slow motion of it all can be maddening when you need to know so that you can make plans, but keep in mind that it's all a process that takes time and while that is happening nothing is growing at light speed even if it is there. The hysteroscopy is the step that will be the most definitive, so you are absolutely going in the right direction for your answers. Once you have results, then you can move on to the next thing. I'm glad you are here and we'll help in any way as you go along.

Thank you!

Thank you!

It is nice to connect and know there is a place to go

regarding questions that arise. I think you hit on exactly what I am feeling. It's a worry that if this is something, it feels like forever until I will know the exact situation I am facing. I am probably not known for my patience.

Thanks again!

MoeKay · August 2021

My ultrasound experience

Hi t519,

I must admit I've never put much faith in uterine ultrasounds. Before my diagnosis, I had an ultrasound that found a "focal hypoechoic myometrial lesion anteriorly situated towards the left aspect of the lower uterine body compatible with a probable fibroid." The report went on to say that "This measures approximately 4.1 x 2.7 x 2.8 cm." Shortly thereafter, I had an endometrial biopsy that found endometrial cancer. My gynecologic oncologist told me after my surgery that I had no fibroid whatsoever, but what was being described in the ultrasound report as a "probable fibroid" was in fact the major site of my endometrial tumor.

My experience was 22 years ago, and while the quality of testing may have improved somewhat over the years, I'm still reluctant to put too much faith in findings and probable findings in ultrasound reports.

Good luck getting your tests scheduled and getting to the bottom of things!

t519 · August 2021

MoeKay said:
My ultrasound experience
Hi t519,

I must admit I've never put much faith in uterine ultrasounds. Before my diagnosis, I had an ultrasound that found a "focal hypoechoic myometrial lesion anteriorly situated towards the left aspect of the lower uterine body compatible with a probable fibroid." The report went on to say that "This measures approximately 4.1 x 2.7 x 2.8 cm." Shortly thereafter, I had an endometrial biopsy that found endometrial cancer. My gynecologic oncologist told me after my surgery that I had no fibroid whatsoever, but what was being described in the ultrasound report as a "probable fibroid" was in fact the major site of my endometrial tumor.

My experience was 22 years ago, and while the quality of testing may have improved somewhat over the years, I'm still reluctant to put too much faith in findings and probable findings in ultrasound reports.

Good luck getting your tests scheduled and getting to the bottom of things!

Thanks for sharing

I appreciate you sharing this with me. I had a vaginal US and abdominal, and I was curious about the findings. My Ob/Gyn showed me on screen, and I can see that it was dark and circular, and she feels it could be a fibroid and keeps reminding me how "rare" it is to be cancerous if it's a polyp. I tend to believe it will take me waiting and finding out from the hysterscopy, as I can see findings can go either direction. This forum has made me recognize how frequently it might be something else. I think my frustration was that I was having abnormal bleeding in Feb. 2020 and she told me that it was just due to the beginning of menopause starting. She did the endometrial biopsy at that point and a pelvic exam and left it at that. The endometrial biopsy was negative in 2020. This time, she didn't feel it made sense to do the endometrial biopsy, as she thought it would be better to do the hysterscopy. The clinic finally called to schedule, but they can't get me in for the hysterscopy until early October. At this point, I will have another ultrasound in clinic on August 27th (due to my last ultrasound being done the day before the start of my period) and the endometrial biopsy at the same time. I am switiching to a separate insurance at the end of the month and hoping I can schedule with a new gynecologist for the hysterscopy earlier than an October date. I am not wanting to wait too much to have more definitive answers.

I can't tell you thank you enough for responding. There's something calming about reading the words of other women who have been through similar situations.

Thank you also for wishing me luck. I will take all the luck I am given.

Have a wonderful night.

Harmanygroves · August 2021

t519 said:
Thanks for sharing
I appreciate you sharing this with me. I had a vaginal US and abdominal, and I was curious about the findings. My Ob/Gyn showed me on screen, and I can see that it was dark and circular, and she feels it could be a fibroid and keeps reminding me how "rare" it is to be cancerous if it's a polyp. I tend to believe it will take me waiting and finding out from the hysterscopy, as I can see findings can go either direction. This forum has made me recognize how frequently it might be something else. I think my frustration was that I was having abnormal bleeding in Feb. 2020 and she told me that it was just due to the beginning of menopause starting. She did the endometrial biopsy at that point and a pelvic exam and left it at that. The endometrial biopsy was negative in 2020. This time, she didn't feel it made sense to do the endometrial biopsy, as she thought it would be better to do the hysterscopy. The clinic finally called to schedule, but they can't get me in for the hysterscopy until early October. At this point, I will have another ultrasound in clinic on August 27th (due to my last ultrasound being done the day before the start of my period) and the endometrial biopsy at the same time. I am switiching to a separate insurance at the end of the month and hoping I can schedule with a new gynecologist for the hysterscopy earlier than an October date. I am not wanting to wait too much to have more definitive answers.

I can't tell you thank you enough for responding. There's something calming about reading the words of other women who have been through similar situations.

Thank you also for wishing me luck. I will take all the luck I am given.

Have a wonderful night.

I'm following this closely

I have a lot of empathy with people new to this experience because it's so stressful. The feeling of the slowness of time does not correlate with the feeling of urgency we have, and I used to play mind tricks to make myself relax a bit ---"Imagine you'd waited two more weeks."

Best of luck!

t519 · August 2021

Harmanygroves said:
I'm following this closely
I have a lot of empathy with people new to this experience because it's so stressful. The feeling of the slowness of time does not correlate with the feeling of urgency we have, and I used to play mind tricks to make myself relax a bit ---"Imagine you'd waited two more weeks."

Best of luck!

Thank you

It helps to know people completely understand.

I keep looking backwards and am worried that the fact the doctor didn't do the ultrasound a year and a half ago will mean that, if we find something, it will be further along. I know it's not healthy to think this way, but I can't seem to find a way to not be concerned.

Trying to focus on work this week, and my 14-year-old son, but the back of my mind is always cycling through what I should have done in asking for additional testing laat year. I just accepted when my doctor said it was hormones and transitioning to menopause.

I am going to try to be patient while pushing to see if I can get in for the hysterscopy sooner.

I wish you a great day and can't tell you how helpful it is to have people who empathize.

Forherself · August 2021

t519 said:
Thank you
It helps to know people completely understand.

I keep looking backwards and am worried that the fact the doctor didn't do the ultrasound a year and a half ago will mean that, if we find something, it will be further along. I know it's not healthy to think this way, but I can't seem to find a way to not be concerned.

Trying to focus on work this week, and my 14-year-old son, but the back of my mind is always cycling through what I should have done in asking for additional testing laat year. I just accepted when my doctor said it was hormones and transitioning to menopause.

I am going to try to be patient while pushing to see if I can get in for the hysterscopy sooner.

I wish you a great day and can't tell you how helpful it is to have people who empathize.

A friendly reminder

Only 1 in 10 endometrial biopsies are positive for cancer. And the majority of those are low grade. These people tend to drift away from this page. I know it is hard not to think the worst. I found keeping busy, especially doing new things helped.

t519 · August 2021

Forherself said:
A friendly reminder
Only 1 in 10 endometrial biopsies are positive for cancer. And the majority of those are low grade. These people tend to drift away from this page. I know it is hard not to think the worst. I found keeping busy, especially doing new things helped.

Thank you!

Thank you so much for the reminder. I think the hypoechoic and heterogeneous nature make me nervous if it's a polyp, but I am hoping that I will have good news after the hysterscopy. I have the endometrial biopsy on Friday, but my doctor isn't certain that it would show on this as she said it's sort of a "blind swap". I don't know what to think about that comment from her, as it is all we did in February 2020 when I first mentioned the abnormal bleeding. After that, and the doctor saying I was starting menopause, I kept chalking all irregularities up to menopausal symptoms.

I work at a school as an assistant head of school, so having the students back on campus today was delightful. I love, more than anything, the sound of young children playing...so it was nice to be distracted by seeing all of them today. I also happen to work with some amazing teachers and colleagues, so I feel lucky.

Thanks again for your words of comfort.

I might be one of those folks who sticks around on this forum no matter which direction this goes. There is something so amazing about each of the women here and the strength you have, as well as the support that is given to one another. I can tell you that reading the posts have kept me comforted when I couldn't sleep at night.

thanks again!

Harmanygroves · August 2021

t519 said:
Thank you!
Thank you so much for the reminder. I think the hypoechoic and heterogeneous nature make me nervous if it's a polyp, but I am hoping that I will have good news after the hysterscopy. I have the endometrial biopsy on Friday, but my doctor isn't certain that it would show on this as she said it's sort of a "blind swap". I don't know what to think about that comment from her, as it is all we did in February 2020 when I first mentioned the abnormal bleeding. After that, and the doctor saying I was starting menopause, I kept chalking all irregularities up to menopausal symptoms.

I work at a school as an assistant head of school, so having the students back on campus today was delightful. I love, more than anything, the sound of young children playing...so it was nice to be distracted by seeing all of them today. I also happen to work with some amazing teachers and colleagues, so I feel lucky.

Thanks again for your words of comfort.

I might be one of those folks who sticks around on this forum no matter which direction this goes. There is something so amazing about each of the women here and the strength you have, as well as the support that is given to one another. I can tell you that reading the posts have kept me comforted when I couldn't sleep at night.

thanks again!

Nice!

It's good to mix a little joy in with all the worry, and yes, the sound of children playing is wonderful! I was a high school teacher for years, and recently had the pleasure of driving two "youth ambassadors" in a local parade for children. It was pretty joyful, for sure.

I have agreed to sub this first trimester (at least) at my high school where I worked for years. I'm not entirely confident, and will see how things go. I've had both my Pfizer vaccines, and my general attitude toward life is "drink up." I like teaching, love the extra money, enjoy having laughs with teenagers --they are very funny at that age!

Your results and analysis are rolling right along, and you're learning a lot. Being an educator is a blessing and a curse with this sort of malady, as you quickly realize the moving parts are numerous. So! Many! Variables! I'd rather have the grey matter, however. I've met more than a few people with health issues who just hand it over to the doctors. That is kind of a crap shoot, depending on the doctor, I think.

Following you, darlin'. Keep that ball moving down the field.

Deb aka "the other Deb"

thatblondegirl · August 2021

Dear t519,

I'm so sorry you're suffering with your situation and glad that you found us! I always think it's important and am grateful that Forherself always reminds new women who post here about the chances of biopsies and /or hysteroscopies revealing cancer. It's reassuring to those in a panic!

I empathize with your your looking backward and engaging in the "woula, coulda, shoulda," conversatilon with yourself! I, too, did that, and had to stop myself! I should never have let a regular GYN do my hysterectomy. i had a bleeding polyp and a small tumor on one of my ovaries (both turned out to NOT be my problem!). He hesitated during my appointment, and wondered outloud about whether he should do the surgery himself or send me on to a GYN ONC. I was so desperate to believe that I did not have cancer that I did not advocate or push for the ONC. The decision to allow him to do the surgery did not effect my final diagnosis, treatment, or outcome, but it did mean that 1) I had to endure TWO major surgeries instead of one, and 2) it cost me TWO months of valuable time. I wish things had been done differently, but I had to forgive myself! )

So, that's my 2 cents! Please try to avoid beating yourself up over the "woukda, coulda, shouldas!"
We are all pulling for you! And sending hugs & prayers!

?, Alicia

t519 · August 2021

alicia2020 said:
Dear t519,
I'm so sorry you're suffering with your situation and glad that you found us! I always think it's important and am grateful that Forherself always reminds new women who post here about the chances of biopsies and /or hysteroscopies revealing cancer. It's reassuring to those in a panic!

I empathize with your your looking backward and engaging in the "woula, coulda, shoulda," conversatilon with yourself! I, too, did that, and had to stop myself! I should never have let a regular GYN do my hysterectomy. i had a bleeding polyp and a small tumor on one of my ovaries (both turned out to NOT be my problem!). He hesitated during my appointment, and wondered outloud about whether he should do the surgery himself or send me on to a GYN ONC. I was so desperate to believe that I did not have cancer that I did not advocate or push for the ONC. The decision to allow him to do the surgery did not effect my final diagnosis, treatment, or outcome, but it did mean that 1) I had to endure TWO major surgeries instead of one, and 2) it cost me TWO months of valuable time. I wish things had been done differently, but I had to forgive myself! )

So, that's my 2 cents! Please try to avoid beating yourself up over the "woukda, coulda, shouldas!"
We are all pulling for you! And sending hugs & prayers!

?, Alicia

Thank you

Thank you so much, Alicia. I am definitely looking backwards and questioning so many conversations I should have pushed with my OB/GYN. I am actually switching health insurance at the end of the month due to an open-enrollment time and my lack of trust in my current system. They were not going to be able to schedule the hysterscopy until the end of sept/beginning of October, but they will do the endometrial biopsy and another ultrasound on Friday. After that, I believe the hysterscopy will probably be the end of September unless I get lucky.
I was so sorry to read about your experience with the hysterectomy. Thank you for the guidance regarding this, as I was looking at a doctor that is both a gynecologist and gynecological oncologist on the insurance I am switching to next week. I may try to see if I could be seen by this office since the practice seems to have both. I can't imagine having two surgeries and going through what you did. Again, with reading each story I am more and more impressed with the strength of each of you on this forum.
Thank you so much for pulling for me and for the hugs and prayers. I definitely sleep better knowing there are people out there sending good wishes.
Have a good night!

t519 · August 2021

Harmanygroves said:
Nice!
It's good to mix a little joy in with all the worry, and yes, the sound of children playing is wonderful! I was a high school teacher for years, and recently had the pleasure of driving two "youth ambassadors" in a local parade for children. It was pretty joyful, for sure.

I have agreed to sub this first trimester (at least) at my high school where I worked for years. I'm not entirely confident, and will see how things go. I've had both my Pfizer vaccines, and my general attitude toward life is "drink up." I like teaching, love the extra money, enjoy having laughs with teenagers --they are very funny at that age!

Your results and analysis are rolling right along, and you're learning a lot. Being an educator is a blessing and a curse with this sort of malady, as you quickly realize the moving parts are numerous. So! Many! Variables! I'd rather have the grey matter, however. I've met more than a few people with health issues who just hand it over to the doctors. That is kind of a crap shoot, depending on the doctor, I think.

Following you, darlin'. Keep that ball moving down the field.

Deb aka "the other Deb"

Keeping you in mind

I will have to remember to keep you in mind if we need an online teacher, as I am in the SF Bay Area and we are in the same time zone. We are currently in person, but just in case things change.

Waiting is excruciating, but I also know I have a part of me that would love to be able to bury my head in the sand for a bit. The anxiety comes in waves, but I can't tell you how much it helps to read each of the posts and how strong every woman on here has had to be already. I vacillate frequently between fear and calm, but I know I need answers and am hoping to have them soon.

I read about your recent two days worth of performing. Awesome! Your energy level is impressive. I stepped in for a teacher to teach earlier today, and I can say my energy level was not the highest. Fifth graders 1, me 0.

Have a wonderful evening and thanks for your continued encouragement.

Harmanygroves · August 2021

t519 said:
Keeping you in mind
I will have to remember to keep you in mind if we need an online teacher, as I am in the SF Bay Area and we are in the same time zone. We are currently in person, but just in case things change.

Waiting is excruciating, but I also know I have a part of me that would love to be able to bury my head in the sand for a bit. The anxiety comes in waves, but I can't tell you how much it helps to read each of the posts and how strong every woman on here has had to be already. I vacillate frequently between fear and calm, but I know I need answers and am hoping to have them soon.

I read about your recent two days worth of performing. Awesome! Your energy level is impressive. I stepped in for a teacher to teach earlier today, and I can say my energy level was not the highest. Fifth graders 1, me 0.

Have a wonderful evening and thanks for your continued encouragement.

Chuckling!

I worked out hard (weights, walks, lap swimming, steps, you name it--everything but sex) to be able to perform well for the two back to back gigs. And yes, I know I needed dashes on back to back, but this English teacher is ignoring punctuation this morning.

Not only was I playing three instruments, but I'm the "voice" of the band, carrying on a "between songs" comedy show with our bass player, who is much funnier than I am. I prepared about forty 3 X 5 notecards with information about the community here and "thank you's" for our supporters. Very effective. Everyone loves hearing their own name!

I'm getting besieged with subbing requests. I was gratified to be asked to do a long term sub job yesterday, but said a grateful and assertive no. I don't want to have stress doing a 4-prep day in the science department and have to learn about photosynthesis the night before teaching it, if you know what I mean. I've subbed for that teacher before, but she is a dynamo and expects the same from her subs. I've delivered for her in the past, but I think I better stick to my guns and continue focusing on...

1. check ups

2. our beach house

3. the farm

4. half a gummy when I'm having bad stress (prefer it to the prescription anxiety meds)

5. my health, working out, gratitude

I have chosen a teacher I'll be subbing with, and have some dates on the calendar. Also, thank you for keeping me in mind for teaching online! Not sure I'd be willing, but it's always such a compliment to get an opportunity from an esteemed colleague!

Swimming is great for stress, by the way, if you like being in salt water I find that the very best. Also, don't hesitate to try gummies or anything to help calm you down, including massage, accupuncture, whatever is your happy place.

t519 · August 2021

Harmanygroves said:
Chuckling!
I worked out hard (weights, walks, lap swimming, steps, you name it--everything but sex) to be able to perform well for the two back to back gigs. And yes, I know I needed dashes on back to back, but this English teacher is ignoring punctuation this morning.

Not only was I playing three instruments, but I'm the "voice" of the band, carrying on a "between songs" comedy show with our bass player, who is much funnier than I am. I prepared about forty 3 X 5 notecards with information about the community here and "thank you's" for our supporters. Very effective. Everyone loves hearing their own name!

I'm getting besieged with subbing requests. I was gratified to be asked to do a long term sub job yesterday, but said a grateful and assertive no. I don't want to have stress doing a 4-prep day in the science department and have to learn about photosynthesis the night before teaching it, if you know what I mean. I've subbed for that teacher before, but she is a dynamo and expects the same from her subs. I've delivered for her in the past, but I think I better stick to my guns and continue focusing on...

1. check ups

2. our beach house

3. the farm

4. half a gummy when I'm having bad stress (prefer it to the prescription anxiety meds)

5. my health, working out, gratitude

I have chosen a teacher I'll be subbing with, and have some dates on the calendar. Also, thank you for keeping me in mind for teaching online! Not sure I'd be willing, but it's always such a compliment to get an opportunity from an esteemed colleague!

Swimming is great for stress, by the way, if you like being in salt water I find that the very best. Also, don't hesitate to try gummies or anything to help calm you down, including massage, accupuncture, whatever is your happy place.

Everyone loves hearing their own name

I love the comment "everyone loves hearing their own name". It is true for students and adults.

When I write on this forum, I have noticed that I also tend to ignore some rules that I typically follow for punctuation and I have broken a couple of grammar rules already. I am allowing myself to write as I think, as I feel "voice" becomes more important when trying to convey my thoughts. Of course, at some point I will have to bring this in a bit, as I am sure I might write in circles on occasion.

I believe your list of items to focus on will be helpful, and I think the working out helps as well. I need to get back in a work-out routine. I am getting my steps in at work during the day, but I need to incorporate my hikes into my schedule again soon. I am hoping this also helps to improve my attitutde, as I am a ball of many different emotions at the moment. Anxiety seems to be taking the lead for the last 24 hours. I didn't sleep much last night as I worried about the future and uncertainty. It was a tough evening. I have no doubt many have spent nights like these.

That being said, I might be requesting the "between songs comedy show" soon. Tell the bass player he might need to pass on any cards he prepared as well.

I am thinking about driving to Ocean Beach this weekend and spending time there. It's about a 45 minute drive from my place, and it may help to just listen to the waves. It's very cold for swimming, and I haven't purchased a wet suit yet, but that might be coming if I can find it helpful. There's a pool I can use pretty close. I might start trying to do that.

Thanks again for reaching out. I am sure my anxiety might continue to heighten prior to my appointment on Friday, but I am also recognizing that I won't have real answers until the hysterscopy in (hopefully) September. I am so ready for the insurance switch.

Have a great evening!

Harmanygroves · August 2021

t519 said:
Everyone loves hearing their own name
I love the comment "everyone loves hearing their own name". It is true for students and adults.

When I write on this forum, I have noticed that I also tend to ignore some rules that I typically follow for punctuation and I have broken a couple of grammar rules already. I am allowing myself to write as I think, as I feel "voice" becomes more important when trying to convey my thoughts. Of course, at some point I will have to bring this in a bit, as I am sure I might write in circles on occasion.

I believe your list of items to focus on will be helpful, and I think the working out helps as well. I need to get back in a work-out routine. I am getting my steps in at work during the day, but I need to incorporate my hikes into my schedule again soon. I am hoping this also helps to improve my attitutde, as I am a ball of many different emotions at the moment. Anxiety seems to be taking the lead for the last 24 hours. I didn't sleep much last night as I worried about the future and uncertainty. It was a tough evening. I have no doubt many have spent nights like these.

That being said, I might be requesting the "between songs comedy show" soon. Tell the bass player he might need to pass on any cards he prepared as well.

I am thinking about driving to Ocean Beach this weekend and spending time there. It's about a 45 minute drive from my place, and it may help to just listen to the waves. It's very cold for swimming, and I haven't purchased a wet suit yet, but that might be coming if I can find it helpful. There's a pool I can use pretty close. I might start trying to do that.

Thanks again for reaching out. I am sure my anxiety might continue to heighten prior to my appointment on Friday, but I am also recognizing that I won't have real answers until the hysterscopy in (hopefully) September. I am so ready for the insurance switch.

Have a great evening!

Oh, the jokes....

Our bass player's jokes...

Did you hear about the guy with dyslexia who walked into a bra?

There are three kinds of people in this world: people who can count, and people who can't.

Here are a few of mine:

Do you know how to keep a bagel from escaping? put lox on it!

A bear walked into a bar and said, "I'd love a whiskey........and a coke." The bartender said, "Why the long pause?" and the bear replied, "I don't know! I was born this way!"

* * * *

The smarter you are, the more cancer will stress you out. You don't know what you don't know, and not knowing what you might need to know, in order to save your own life, is extremely frustrating and terrifying. The good news is that you are an assertive educator, and we tend to push our way into getting superior care. This is a great time to be an assertive person. If your health care team doesn't answer your questions, move on if you can. I have complete faith and confidence in you. It doesn't all have to happen tomorrow. September is great.

* * *

When you drive, give it your utmost attention. You deserve to drive safely. Don't let "monkey brain" distract you from the task at hand.

* * *

What you're feeling right now is absolutely normal. It doesn't mean it's good, however! I had so much stress in the first two months I finally had to break down and medicate. This was difficult, as I knew I couldn't continue with the stress and anxiety, but I didn't want to use potentially addictive drugs (not that I mind a little one of the 'pams for long flights, etc.) nor am I a person who drinks to "relax." Thus, gummies. You're a west coast girl. Do what you need to do.

* * *

Are you a beach person? I have a beach house in Lincoln City, and it carried me through the first months of the diagnosis. The sea is very calming, and I've always felt so soothed by it!

* * *

We are all here for you. As a fellow educator, I know how hard it is to not know everything quite yet. Things will unfold. Keep moving the ball down the field!

"The Other Deb"

Harmanygroves · August 2021

alicia2020 said:
Dear t519,
I'm so sorry you're suffering with your situation and glad that you found us! I always think it's important and am grateful that Forherself always reminds new women who post here about the chances of biopsies and /or hysteroscopies revealing cancer. It's reassuring to those in a panic!

I empathize with your your looking backward and engaging in the "woula, coulda, shoulda," conversatilon with yourself! I, too, did that, and had to stop myself! I should never have let a regular GYN do my hysterectomy. i had a bleeding polyp and a small tumor on one of my ovaries (both turned out to NOT be my problem!). He hesitated during my appointment, and wondered outloud about whether he should do the surgery himself or send me on to a GYN ONC. I was so desperate to believe that I did not have cancer that I did not advocate or push for the ONC. The decision to allow him to do the surgery did not effect my final diagnosis, treatment, or outcome, but it did mean that 1) I had to endure TWO major surgeries instead of one, and 2) it cost me TWO months of valuable time. I wish things had been done differently, but I had to forgive myself! )

So, that's my 2 cents! Please try to avoid beating yourself up over the "woukda, coulda, shouldas!"
We are all pulling for you! And sending hugs & prayers!

?, Alicia

I love your posts

You are wonderful. I love everyone here.

thatblondegirl · August 2021

I’m thinking of you today,

t519, and hoping your biopsy and ultrasound go well! it's a long process and you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

On my way to get bloodwork the other day I drove through the hospital and medical complex where all my tests and surgeries took place. I shook my head and muttered several unpleasant sentences and four-letter words aloud. Then I laughed at myself! ? And thanked God that I am where I am now and I persevered!

At some point you, too, will be past the anxiety and unhappiness you are experiencing now and be better! Hang in there!

?, Alicia

P.S. I'm a former educator, also! I taught high school social studies for 11 years and was very happy to retire! Those ugly sentences and four-letter words?....succeeded by the feeling of thankfulness?...are similar to the ones that always occur when I drive by schools! It's the same "Thank God I'm not in there!" feelings! That's why it made me laugh!

Harmanygroves · August 2021

alicia2020 said:
I’m thinking of you today,
t519, and hoping your biopsy and ultrasound go well! it's a long process and you just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other!

On my way to get bloodwork the other day I drove through the hospital and medical complex where all my tests and surgeries took place. I shook my head and muttered several unpleasant sentences and four-letter words aloud. Then I laughed at myself! ? And thanked God that I am where I am now and I persevered!

At some point you, too, will be past the anxiety and unhappiness you are experiencing now and be better! Hang in there!

?, Alicia

P.S. I'm a former educator, also! I taught high school social studies for 11 years and was very happy to retire! Those ugly sentences and four-letter words?....succeeded by the feeling of thankfulness?...are similar to the ones that always occur when I drive by schools! It's the same "Thank God I'm not in there!" feelings! That's why it made me laugh!

Hilarious

"Thank God I'm not in there" - Mmm Hmm.

My colleagues are currently a-knockin' on my door, sending e mails, texts, etc. to try to get me to be their sub.

If you can imagine, most of the subs have quit. They are typically older, and they don't want to be exposed to Covid. Now, imagine that!

I have a friend I used to sub for (Spanish teacher) who has just offered me four days in September. It's going to have to be a no. I'm not feeling that great right now. I can't imagine being exposed to the hordes in her [very busy and packed] classes would do me any favors.

t519 · August 2021

Harmanygroves said:
Oh, the jokes....
Our bass player's jokes...

Did you hear about the guy with dyslexia who walked into a bra?

There are three kinds of people in this world: people who can count, and people who can't.

Here are a few of mine:

Do you know how to keep a bagel from escaping? put lox on it!

A bear walked into a bar and said, "I'd love a whiskey........and a coke." The bartender said, "Why the long pause?" and the bear replied, "I don't know! I was born this way!"

* * * *

The smarter you are, the more cancer will stress you out. You don't know what you don't know, and not knowing what you might need to know, in order to save your own life, is extremely frustrating and terrifying. The good news is that you are an assertive educator, and we tend to push our way into getting superior care. This is a great time to be an assertive person. If your health care team doesn't answer your questions, move on if you can. I have complete faith and confidence in you. It doesn't all have to happen tomorrow. September is great.

* * *

When you drive, give it your utmost attention. You deserve to drive safely. Don't let "monkey brain" distract you from the task at hand.

* * *

What you're feeling right now is absolutely normal. It doesn't mean it's good, however! I had so much stress in the first two months I finally had to break down and medicate. This was difficult, as I knew I couldn't continue with the stress and anxiety, but I didn't want to use potentially addictive drugs (not that I mind a little one of the 'pams for long flights, etc.) nor am I a person who drinks to "relax." Thus, gummies. You're a west coast girl. Do what you need to do.

* * *

Are you a beach person? I have a beach house in Lincoln City, and it carried me through the first months of the diagnosis. The sea is very calming, and I've always felt so soothed by it!

* * *

We are all here for you. As a fellow educator, I know how hard it is to not know everything quite yet. Things will unfold. Keep moving the ball down the field!

"The Other Deb"

Jokes and Beach Time

Thank you for the jokes. A giggle is always a good thing in the day.

Today is my 47th birthday and I have another US and endometrial biopsy tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers crossed. A part of me wants to cancel it all, take the rest of the day off, and head to the beach, but I recognize this is not a good solution. I am worried because of back aches, leg pains, and stomach pains that I have had for months. I worry that things got left too long, and at the same time, I am not even sure what it is. I feel a bit like I have lost my mind. Trying to stay positive for my 14-year-old son. He's phenomenal, and the most amazing travel partner. He grew up in a French school and speaks French fluently, as well as speaking Japanese because he wanted to learn. We spent time in Japaon, and he made the trip much easier because he could read and I could sneak by with his knowledge. I want more moments like this with him. I am hopeful, but scared.

Sorry, I know I am writing in a circle, but it's that kind of day...

Question - the endometrial polyp/fibroid/whatever is in there - will doing an endometrial biopsy hit this area? I know my doctor has explained we may not be able to get an accurate diagnosis with the endometrial biopsy only. I don't want them to hit the polyp if there are cells that can be an issue without seeing it accurately. What are your thoughts. I am with Kaiser and they gave me the first appointment for an endometrial biopsy, but this is being done by a resident with attending doctor. My trust is a bit lower after a few situations (I love some of the doctors at Kaiser, but this particular group that I am attached to with the women's clinc is the reason for my push to switch).

Thank you again for your message.

I am doing my best to wait before driving when I feel that I am over-thinking. Monkey brain is the perfect description.

A fellow beach person,
Tiff

Harmanygroves · August 2021

t519 said:
Jokes and Beach Time
Thank you for the jokes. A giggle is always a good thing in the day.

Today is my 47th birthday and I have another US and endometrial biopsy tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers crossed. A part of me wants to cancel it all, take the rest of the day off, and head to the beach, but I recognize this is not a good solution. I am worried because of back aches, leg pains, and stomach pains that I have had for months. I worry that things got left too long, and at the same time, I am not even sure what it is. I feel a bit like I have lost my mind. Trying to stay positive for my 14-year-old son. He's phenomenal, and the most amazing travel partner. He grew up in a French school and speaks French fluently, as well as speaking Japanese because he wanted to learn. We spent time in Japaon, and he made the trip much easier because he could read and I could sneak by with his knowledge. I want more moments like this with him. I am hopeful, but scared.

Sorry, I know I am writing in a circle, but it's that kind of day...

Question - the endometrial polyp/fibroid/whatever is in there - will doing an endometrial biopsy hit this area? I know my doctor has explained we may not be able to get an accurate diagnosis with the endometrial biopsy only. I don't want them to hit the polyp if there are cells that can be an issue without seeing it accurately. What are your thoughts. I am with Kaiser and they gave me the first appointment for an endometrial biopsy, but this is being done by a resident with attending doctor. My trust is a bit lower after a few situations (I love some of the doctors at Kaiser, but this particular group that I am attached to with the women's clinc is the reason for my push to switch).

Thank you again for your message.

I am doing my best to wait before driving when I feel that I am over-thinking. Monkey brain is the perfect description.

A fellow beach person,
Tiff

I had symptoms for a long time too...

...but like most women in here, thought "Wow, menopause sucks, but no more menstruation, so wheeeee!" (we kind of got screwed over, lol).

The biopsy may work for you, but I've never delivered a vaginal birth and I'm well past menopause (at 61, 62 on September 9th! yay for social security), so it seemed like the pain of it all might have been too great for me. Like pierced ears, things do tend to "get their seal on" over time, if ya know what I mean.

Many women in here strongly advocate doing a D and C, and getting it all looked at through the hysteroscopy that can accompany that. Scopes do see it all. A biopsy is a tool inserted in and used for the scraping and acquiring of tissue sample.

For me, I just put my foot down and said, 'Not doing a biopsy. Nope. Will do a D and C / hysteroscopy / polypectomy." That was a carte blanche (see what I did there, ha ha?) to scrape out all that goo and test it all. It was a minor surgery, and I didn't have to be awake for it.

If you intend to be "awake" for the biopsy, please ask them what kind of medication you can take to prepare. Pain reliever? lorazapam? prescribe a little something? You must not be allowed to suffer for one second. Why not? because you're an education professional!

Your son sounds amazing. I've been to Japan, and just loved it.

So far, I've been to these:

Thailand

Cambodia

Laos

Vietnam

Myanmar

Malaysia

Canada

Mexico (Baja Peninsula, up and down; also, Cancun)

France

Scotland

England

And my favorite, probably.....SPAIN

You should probably plan a really good trip for once you get this worry and stress resolved. Seriously, plan a trip. Don't involve the lad just yet. Just you, planning. Maybe walk from Le Pui in France, down to the Pyrenees Mountains on the French-Spanish border.

So Many Questions...

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