Parent with MM

Abby_C Member Posts: 2 Member
edited August 2022 in Multiple Myeloma #1

Hello, my dad was recently diagnosed with multiple myeloma. Understandably, the diagnosis has been hard on my family. My dad has never been one to talk about his emotions or ask for help. He is also a doctor.  I’m afraid that he is holding back his emotions.  I know that if the diagnosis has had this big of an impact on me and the strong sense of sadness, fear, anger, grief, etc i have felt, that he must feel those emotions too. But he doesn’t show it because i know he doesn’t want us to worry about him and he doesn’t want to be a “burden” even though we have reassured him many times that is not the case. Im not sure how to approach the conversation with him so he doesn’t have to go through this alone all because he doesn’t want to worry or burden us. 


Another thing i worry about is that he is only telling us bits and pieces of what he knows about his cancer but not everything.  He doesn’t want my mom to go to medical appointments with him and i fear that he isn’t telling us some details of his cancer because he doesn’t want us to worry. I work in the medical field and he has assigned me as the second medical power of attorney (my mom is first). It’s important to my family that we know information regarding his test results, status and stage of his cancer, and its stability but i feel that he is keeping things from us as an attempt to protect us. I’m also not sure how to approach this. 


I’m thankful to have a forum like this so i can talk to others about what I’m going through. Until my dads diagnosis, I’ve never felt the stress, worry, and grief that i do now. Thanks fir listening to my concerns and providing any feedback you may have. 


  • br_bernardo
    br_bernardo Member Posts: 23 Member
    edited June 2021 #2
    Abby, how are you? How is

    Abby, how are you? How is your dad doing?

    My dad had neck cancer when I was in college and I know it's not easy and dads, especially when they have a medical degree, try to keep things inside so as not to "burden" us, even though we want to be there for them.

    Personally my only strategy was to try and take it one day at a time, and just be there for him as much as possible. "Do not worry about tomorrow...who of you by worrying has added a single hour to his life?"

    Praying for your dad and for you.


  • OwlJulie
    OwlJulie Member Posts: 1 *

    Hello, my father was diagnosed about 2 years ago with MM. He doesnt share how he feels except just tells me when he has an appointment. I have 2 other siblings who bring him to appointments. He is also hard of hearing so he needs us to help him when talking to the doctors. He holds all of his feelings inside. He was a computer programmer and not "feeling oriented". He hasnt tell me anything about his cancer except once in the 2 years since he was diagnosed. I went into a major depression when I found out about my dad, plus I was his caregiver for a short period and the result was I got depression so bad that I had to quit caregiving him.

  • R6709
    R6709 Member Posts: 1 *

    That's not good.

  • MMcaregiver
    MMcaregiver Member Posts: 3 *

    Hi Abby

    I am a little late in responding as I just recently found this site. I am a caregiver to my husband, who also has multiple myeloma. He went through a stem cell transplant in 2019, and is on maintenence meds now.

    I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad.

    How is he doing and how are you and your mom?

    I can offer some tips, but first wanted to see if things have changed as far as getting easier or more challenging for you all on the caregiving side?

  • MMcaregiver
    MMcaregiver Member Posts: 3 *

    I just realized your post I replied to was 2021- I am so sorry, but the offer for help still remains. ❤️

  • Abby_C
    Abby_C Member Posts: 2 Member

    Thanks for your response. My dad went through a stem cell transplant in 2021 and is on maintenance meds now. My mom is definitely doing most of the caregiving. She never asks for help so it’s hard to know how it is going. In general everything seems to be going alright. I just want these years to be as best as they can be for both my parents