Chasing Sunrises

Happy Sunday! I stay in the shadows and look in to see where everybody is often. For the new ones here, I was diagnosed Stage IV in 2018..sigmoid tumor and 2 huge tumors on my liver. I went thru chemo, lost half of my liver,gallbladder and part of my colon. I refused mop-up chemo and my oncologist found spots scattered thru both lungs in Dec. 2019. I'm Kras positive as well. Even with conventional treatment my oncologist thought I had 1-3 years.(who really knows?!?) I refused any additional conventional treatments as well as any more routine scans, bloodwork etc. I still do alternative and natural supplements and enjoy my days as they come. In short, my experience and thoughts with the surrender of my quality of life and my "time I have left" to conventional chemo or immunotherapy was not worth bargaining at the trade off a few additional months (if lucky) of being so sick that nothing mattered much anyway. Thank God I had an oncologist open and caring enough to support and agree with me. Having cancer very much feels like standing in the casino with all chips in hand and trying to make the best roll of the dice. Everybody has to make their own calls. I think having the experience of being the care giver and advocate for husband two years before my own diagnosis gave me the knowledge and experience to make solid choices for MY life. I am grateful for a loss that had the double side of being a gift as well in that it gave me answers and clarity I never would have had until too late to make my own choices. I pray for peace and clarity for all who find themselves here.

On a lighter and happier note..(doesn't "aloha" have a beautiful ring to it?!?.I will land in Oahu on February 28th permanently!! I sold my home very quickly, downsized to 3 big suitcases and a few boxes my youngest daughter will ship to me later, and have my vehicle setup for shipping and arrival the week I get there. I will be hiking and chasing sunrises and sunsets until this body runs out of get up and go..lol. So far I have no symptoms of anything or pain and pray I stay that way for another 50 years..(who knows?!?) I had a wonderful oncologist in the moutains who is setting up a referral so that I have an established physician if and when a need arises. I mentioned in a previous post that Hawaii has the "Die With Dignity" laws in place which I will use if my cancer were to come raging back and my quality of life declines. But, if I have my say in the matter, I hope to be a 100 year old shriveled up Hawaiian raisin in another 50 years still trying to get on her surfboard...lol...If that's not the plan for me then I hope to be a ray of light shining down on each of you in anyway I can to make your days better!! Love, light and hope always to each of you here!!...Hugs, M (pic from North Shore/Hawaii)