Curious what the board thinks

Obviously, you are sensitive about this issue, and perhaps rightly so.  Everyone deals with issues of death and mortality differently.  When I was first diagnosed, I did a lot of research about things that could help me.  One thing I looked at was "attitude."  My conclusion was that attitude has no influence on survival (although many will disagree with me), which is fine by me, as my attitude is sometimes not so good.  But as to mortality, I acknowledge mine and meditate on it every day.  So if you ask me whether affordable housing after my death is a reasonable topic, I would say, "yes."  Everyone will die, but religion and Western society insist on a denial of this reality.  But as for me, I face it and embrace it.

For most people, this is a sensitive subject at the best of times; and for your Step-mum & dad it is not even the 'best of times'. 

While it is a subject that every loving couple should discuss, I do see your point about it not being the 'right' time, while you dad is obviously struggling with his own mortality. 

But I am going to throw in a different angle here.  This is also a terrifying time for your step-mother.  The death of someone you love, and the uncertainitly of how the future without them will pan out, causes great stress.  I would bet that she is hiding allot of her anxiety from both you and your dad. 

While your dad is obviously the patient, and his situation serious, your step-mum's situation also needs to be approached with compassion and understanding. Her fears of life on her own, far extend that of where and how she is going to live, but how will she cope without her beloved by her side. 

At the end of the day I don't think there is a good or bad time.  The fact that your dad has Cancer, makes it a bad time, but regardless, it is something that your mum feels the need to talk about, while being sensitive to your dad's condition and feelings. 

I wish your family the best.  I wish you the best. Be sure and put yourself in your stepmum's shoes and you will see a little clearer, what emotions and decisions she feels the need to express. 

Tru

I don't really think it was appropriate to say what your stepmother said especially as he is continuing with treatment and sounds like he hopes to/has a chance to beat the cancer.

if there was no hope and he was receiving pallitive care it would be different and i could understand her bringing this up but why bring this up when it is not relevent at the moment and it could kill his fighting spirit. 

he needs support and love and people on his side not planing how to afford their life and only thinking about themselves in front of him as if it's all over for him.

does she want him to give up? way to do it if she does!

i would be angry too. 

Talking about ''when he dies'' would jolt me, coming from one who is supposed to be a main support in this fight. No one dared talk like that around Cindy, while we were battling her brain tumor and my CRC. No doctor was going to give a numbered prognosis, and they were talking to me directly about treatment and effect. Cindy looked to me for strength, as I did her, and she didn't ever need to hear about dying, not ever. We knew and we/I did the things we/I had to, the financial/legal stuff, the arrangements. Choosing services, flowers, and plans, with her lying in a hospice bed in our livingroom  was the saddest thing I've ever done, it hurt worse than her actual passing. [By then, I wanted her free]. The point is, I'm sure she knew when things got close, what the realities were, but untill then, I wasn't going to make her face any negativity or worry more than she already did. She was a passionate being, not one who could detach herself to discuss a world without her, so we didn't. I bounced between being one who could look at it cooly, and one, at times who couldn't. It depends on the individual, but even given that, the wife could certainly couch it all in more thoughtful terms like economic downsizing as we get older, or some such verbage..................................................Dave

YIKES! That is so not cool. I am VERY positive, and feel like I am going to win this fight, and I still do have a plan for my loved ones if I don't. BUT, I think very inappropriate, almost cruel thing for her to say. Now, full disclosure, my loved ones are fur babies, but still, very important to me. Maybe suggest to her she join a caregiver support group through the his treatment center so she learns better ways to speak to him.