Distance

The hormone treatments affect your man. Hopefully this will be temporary. I'm sure that he knows that you love him. 

Hi

Hope this info helps as well.

Your husband will be going through a grieving journey. The changes and losses that have occurred / will occur all need to be processes. He will likely bounce around various emotions like anger, denial, depression and what not until he starts to accept where he is. That can be a long journey but with your help he should be able to move towards it. Be patient.

He is probably also upset by how this will impact his relationship with you due to the physical and emotional impact of his condition and treatments he has had / will have. He may be doing what is known as "push / pull" whereby he draws close as he feels better and then withdraws if he feels unsettled. Whyy specifically this happens does not really matter as it varies person to person and situation to situation. What is important is that you be patient with him and try and keep a connection. Communication is important. You also need to remember your needs and boundaries too and gently remind him of what he is doing if he starts crossing any lines.

Counselling will help. There may he help lines he can call. Also talk to your doctors to see what emotional support resources they can offer.

Good luck.

H

KBurgos said:

H,

H,

Thank you for the advice. I see what you mean about the push/pull. The push only seems to be happening with me. When he's around others he's more tolerant, generally nicer. I understand some of what he's going through. I have dealt with cancer myself. We have had many discussions when it comes to boundaries, this weekend was the best weekend we have had in weeks. But then he woke up this morning and it seems to be creeping up again. I just take it one breath at a time.

Thank you for your advice

K

Yea. I get that. You see, with you, he can be himself which can be less hard work even if stressful. With others he has to put up a front. That can also be an escape as well.

It is arse backwards but our subconscious does wierd things.

The main thing make it clear he has the support but keep your own boundaries to avoid getting hurt. Some couples counselling may help - not for marriage issues but specifically around dealing with cancer. Opening up in such a session may be helpful.

KBurgos said:

I understand what you're

I understand what you're saying. The past few days it's gone back and forth. Yesterday he and I went to a doctor's appintment because he said he wanted to see a doctor, and decided not to. It wasn't a complete waste of time, I got to go somewhere different for a change and we watched over each other. Today on the other hand all of a sudden he decided to see a doctor ( that was the whole point of me coming along yesterday because he said that he wanted my support), and then instead puts me on speaker phone which made me feel like it completely underminded everything that we had planned and discussed and put into play, but I held my tongue, I listened and took suggestions and they made a few medical changes         ( again the whole point of me having been there the previous day but nothing got done). I'm happy for him that things will get better for him in that department, but at the same time it's like what am I even here for? I'm giviing him his space to figure things out, but still here for him..when he wants me to be. In terms of the counseling, we don't have that many resources ( affordability, transportation or the avaialable scheduling because of when his treatments are scheduled), so I'm just dealing with it on my own. I really do appreciate the attentive ear though.

K

How re things going?