Let Me Off Of This Ride

I will ride your highs with you and weep with your lows. I have empathy for your loss and the grief that will never cease. 

This is the forum to celebrate your joys and your pains, so never apologize. 

Thinking of you today, and pray that your tears and fears will cleanse you so that you can rise again to your joy. 

Cyber hugs!

Tru

So sorry you are having a tough time of it today.  None of this is easy.  Sometimes, for me, having the extra cookie (or pizza and beer) is a good way to get through the day.  The other thing that helps me is a big dose of exercise.  Often the next day is a much better one.  I hope things brighten for you soon.

It's scary and there is not one person here that would say it wasn't.  You have every right to be scared and cry.  I'm just glad you are in a beautiful place in the mountains to look at every morning when you get up.  It has to be beautiful.  I'm so glad that you found this site and didn't have to go through this alone.  You have a great group of people behind your every thought and feeling.  Thanks for being a great part of this board.

Kim

Kazenmax said:

Cancer blows

It **** sucks. I hate it. I hate what it's done to you. I **** hate what it's done to me. My body is ugly now. I wear a **** bag with my **** in it. I can't look at myself in the mirror. I'm scared that I will die. 

And with all that I can't imagine what you have been through.

I lived my life overcoming hardships that I refused to defeat me and now this stupid disease has almost done it.

To what end? I don't want to leave my husband,  son, my grandchildren. This is not the way I thought I would spend my last years.

I still can't believe that this had happened. Some days are harder than others. People nonchalantly go on every day with their lives and never imagine this one day could be their last. 

I wish I could live more in the moment. But some days are harder than others.

I'm with you, sister. ****! Sometimes it all just sucks.

K

Wow, I could have written that myself. Yesterday was a bad day. We're in financial trouble again. We're having so much trouble with taxes and every time we think it's sorted out something goes wrong. Our accountant messed up several things and the CRA doesn't care that we didn't do it ourselves, we're responsible for the mistakes. We should have checked it over to make sure it was done properly, according to them. If we could figure out what was done wrong we'd have done them ourselves. We paid a supposed professional a lot of money to do it for us. I've heard so many stories of this happening to people I know it makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with the profession and if there are enough regulations for them.

So I got into a major funk last night. I'm so sick of what the cancer has done not only to me but to my family. I'm so tired of worrying about money. I'm so tired of worrying about my health. I'm so sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I got to the point yesterday where I was crying that I couldn't take it anymore and was going to stop doing chemo and fighting to live because I'm just a burden and I can't keep watching what it's doing to the family. My husband is so stressed about the money.

Anyway, just trying to commiserate. My point is that the cancer is bad enough without all this other crap besides.

Hugs,

Jan

I was just on vacation and should have been enjoying  myself but I felt extremely depressed.  Your post pretty well sums it up.  

After everything I have gone through previously (9 major abdominal surgeries) I frac my humerus getting out of bed and just leaning on my nightstand requiring surgery.  Go on vacation and walking every day I get a bleeding hemoroid.   Now because I got tired of eating a low residue diet I ate a salad and some fruit and paid for it all this week with a potential bowel blockage.

my husband had pancreatic cancer and although the whipple surgery was successful he has lost so much weight since his surgery in Oct 2016 that it scares me.   

But i suck it up and keep going even though Im crying inside.   When I read your post I feel you understand me and I’m not alone in my feelings.  Thank you for sharing your post 

hugs

Kathy

beaumontdave said:

Good, open, honest post,

Good, open, honest post, turns out my Fourth was spent in a funk as well. The boy had his party and grill going out back, it was a beautiful day, but I just couldn't get into it, and didn't want to try. I finally had a couple beers when it was time to put chairs in the driveway[we have a good view of the town's fireworks] and enjoy the show. Did that, went back to bed, turned on an older movie and nodded off. Holidays were Cindy's moments to make things happen; decorations, menu, guests, I was just the assistant, getting things, fixing stuff, setting things up. She was the reason, and without that, I'm not very motivated. I'm not horribly sad, just content to lose myself in binge-watching movies and reading. I just feel her absense more at holidays, and find it best to deal with that in my own fashion, rather than trying to force myself out to what friends/family might have going on. I hope you give that new friend a chance to know you more, Mojo, he may have needs that aren't clear to you, maybe just the desire to be needed, itself. Some day I hope to have that drive propel me forward again, beyond the things and people I look after now. In the meanwhile it's one day at a time, hope these next few have been better for you, and anyone here having a tough time....................................................Dave

Thank you for your honest post. So sorry your wife isn’t there to share the holidays. Sounds like you’re taking care of yourself the best you can on those tough days  

E