What to do, gotta vent.

Apaugh
Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
in Breast Cancer #1

If you read my profile and know me you know that I now have a new diagnosis of Upper Track Urotheial Cancer.  It is in the bladder cancer group.  They found the new primary in the renal pelvis (that is in the kidney)  I am still waiting for a few more test.  The second opinion I got was better than the first as far as how to treat it.  The first just wanted to yank out the kidney and then deal with it.  The second said whoa, hang on, lets get proper testing and slow the roll and really see the depth of this.  Yes I will probably still lose the kidney but they want to take precautions first to slow a possible spread, which is chemo.  UGH

It really has thrown me for a loop.  I found that no one goes to the bladder cancer discussion board on here and I dont fall into the kidney cancer group. UTUC is not a "popular" one so there is not alot out there on it.  

The people on the breast cancer discussion board are my family.  I love you all so much.  I found the smartpatients and they are intense however, it has helped to answer some of my questions about this new cancer.  I did not want to learn a new one.  My brain says dont put no more technical crap in here!  and so I pause and pout and take a deep breath and force myself to suck it up and learn it.  It is hard to put it in words the deep emotion of it all.

and all of us know the SE's of BC.  and we are all dealing and trying to endure and learn how to go forward.  The physical and the emotional damages.   

Someone ask me why am I still taking the Arimidex?   I say well it is a new cancer, not a mets.  In my head I think why am I?  It is a low percentage it even helps to hold back mets?  Is this pain you endure in your bones really worth it?  Will I be able to handle it and handle the SE of my new cancer treatment together?  It is a whole new ballgame of treatment this bladder cancer.  I dont want to get in this game.  I know I have to but I am mad as heck over it.

Feeling really frustrated here.    

Hugs

Annie

Comments

  • booksandnumbers
    booksandnumbers Member Posts: 30
    #2
    vent

    Vent away. You are entitled to be frustrated. Once again your body let you down. At least that's how I felt with BC. People try to say encouraging things but it doesn't really help. They mean well but I have to admit I felt like smacking them in the face at times. Be angry and hang in there. We are thinking of you and praying for you.

  • anniemshe
    anniemshe Member Posts: 91 Member
    #3
    Warriors

    We are all warriors and do whatever it takes to overcome the challenges that we face!!

    It’s ok to be frustrated and I would be too if I was in your shoes. This is something none of us want to face but there’s no choice in this matter!! We didn’t want BC but we got it, we didn’t want it to spread but it did and now another cancer. 

    Yes all I too can say is FIGHT ON!! You are a warrior you have helped so many of us with your positivity and your upbeat thoughts. Will keep you in prayer. God bless you. 

  • finbeck
    finbeck Member Posts: 11
    #4
    booksandnumbers said:

    vent

    Vent away. You are entitled to be frustrated. Once again your body let you down. At least that's how I felt with BC. People try to say encouraging things but it doesn't really help. They mean well but I have to admit I felt like smacking them in the face at times. Be angry and hang in there. We are thinking of you and praying for you.

    vent

    I admire you so much.  What I am going through with my breast cancer is so minimal compared to what you have gone thru and are going thru.   I have had my share of screaming tantrums, total shut down and why me's.  I don't know how you do it.  I have told myself that if it comes back in any form, I just want to be kept comfortable.  I want to live and not try to get thru the side effects.  HOw you do it is beyond me.  More power to you!!!

  • Kelly17
    Kelly17 Member Posts: 8
    #5
    Hugs

    Annie I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I would be angry too. You’ve been through a lot. I’m praying for you. May God give you strength and as little pain as possible during your fight. Sending you a big hug.  

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    edited July 2019 #6
    be kind to yourself..

    Thank you all so much for your kind words, hugs and prayers going up.  

    I have been fighting this.  It is a tough one.  As if there is an easy one????  There is not.  This heat is messing with the lymphedemia in my arms.  

    Because there is no way to know if all the cancer in the renal pelvis was removed by the ablations, Docs have decided the kidney, uretal tube and bladder cuff will be removed.  It is a huge surgery.  It is going to hurt however, I will endure this because I am a warrior.   My chances of reoccurance will go down and life will go on.  They will take some nodes in the abdominal area to make sure no spread and if no spread I wont have to have chemo.  Pray no spread!   I will then have to go back every 3 months for CT's and on my lungs, liver, and the cystospocy of the bladder for awhile.  So far the meds and procedures have been tough and have left me with more SEs.  I am hoping those will pass by the fall.   

    I did go into a funk over this and I am pulling out of it.  My grandkids have helped with their smiles and hugs.  My Lord has picked me up and gave me peace.  

    To all you wonderful pink warriors, Keep on fighting, keep on sharing and going forward.  We got to.  

    Hugs and prayers going up for all of you,

    Annie

  • meadowglade
    meadowglade Member Posts: 39 Member
    #7
    Prayers

    Hi Annie,

    I just wanted you to know that I think of you often. I hope all goes very well for your surgery. You have been an huge help to me with your kinds words to me and others.

  • phoenix900
    phoenix900 Member Posts: 4
    #8
    vent here

    I'm new to the boards, but already impressed by you. Your anger is your strength too. Vent here, doesnt matter what kind of cancer other than for details. I too like facts and knowledge, but if we don't learn it that well, at least we have a medical team that (probably) did.

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