Diagnosed with Breast cancer and I’m absolutely terrified
Hello there,
I’m 48 years old and found out I have breast cancer on June 26th. All I know right now is that it is an invasive ductal carcinoma in my right breast. I had a mammogram, ultrasound, and biopsy on Mon. I have my consultation with the cancer team next Wednesday to discuss treatment, etc. And I’m absolutely terrified to my core.
Ever since that fateful phonecall on Wednesday I’ve been in a high state of anxity - lots of tears, tense, nauseous, no appetite and masses of anxiety. Its like being on a roller coaster of emotion, up and down from one minute to the next, with moments of calm and then utter panic. The fear of the unknown and the waiting is brutal. I’m so gratful to find this forum as I hope talking to others will help with my overwhelming fear.
I’d be so thankful for any advice on dealing with the anxiety. My husband has been amazing, along with the few friends I’ve told, but I’m not doing so great.
Thanks in advance for any support.
Cheers,
Bevoir
Comments
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terrified
Bevoir, You're exactly where I was nine months ago, and many others on this forum have walked the same path. You're not alone.
You've done the right thing coming to a forum where you can express what's happening and connect with others.
One thing that calms my anxiety is simple physical contact. When I sit next to my husband with shoulders touching or hold his hand, just that contact helps settle my blood pressure and heart rate.
Here are three questions that can be helpful with anxiety, and steps that can make a difference:
1) Are there feelings I've told myself it's not OK to feel or express? (If yes, can I find a safe way to express them?)
2) What scary things am I telling myself about this situation? Can I tell myself something different that will help me to accept the situation calmly? (For example, one of the messages I have told myself is, "I can't do this. It is too hard." That message makes me feel overwhelmed. Instead, I learned to tell myself, "Other women have come through this beautifully. That means it's possible for me, too.")
3) What things (thoughts, feelings, emotions, decisions, etc.) am I avoiding? What support do I need to be ready to face them? (For example, the thought of possibly needing to say good-bye to my husband and kids is really, really sad and I don't want to think about it. I know I need a support group to help me face that, so I've begun attending a group where I can learn together with others.)
It's not a road any of chose for ourselves, but it's been chosen for us, and we can walk it together with dignity and courage.
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Everything will be ok
Hello Bevoir,
I came across your post & felt compelled to reach out. I was just there 4 months ago. I know that feeling of uncertainty where everything seems like a blur...you‘re going through test after test and at the end of it all getting that call that confirms your worse fears. I know about feeling numb one minute and total panic the next, and all your emotions completely out of control. I know about sleepless nights after being diagnosed and going through back to back appointments to evaulate all angles of treatment as you assemble your medical team. Everyones journey is different, but I’m glad to have found this place to connect & hopefully inspire & just simply support. I know you have a lot to think about, but whatever happens, just remember cancer is not just about treating the illness, but also about making sure you you guard your mind and spirit that plays a big part in your journey to beating this!
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Thank youKate_Slater said:terrified
Bevoir, You're exactly where I was nine months ago, and many others on this forum have walked the same path. You're not alone.
You've done the right thing coming to a forum where you can express what's happening and connect with others.
One thing that calms my anxiety is simple physical contact. When I sit next to my husband with shoulders touching or hold his hand, just that contact helps settle my blood pressure and heart rate.
Here are three questions that can be helpful with anxiety, and steps that can make a difference:
1) Are there feelings I've told myself it's not OK to feel or express? (If yes, can I find a safe way to express them?)
2) What scary things am I telling myself about this situation? Can I tell myself something different that will help me to accept the situation calmly? (For example, one of the messages I have told myself is, "I can't do this. It is too hard." That message makes me feel overwhelmed. Instead, I learned to tell myself, "Other women have come through this beautifully. That means it's possible for me, too.")
3) What things (thoughts, feelings, emotions, decisions, etc.) am I avoiding? What support do I need to be ready to face them? (For example, the thought of possibly needing to say good-bye to my husband and kids is really, really sad and I don't want to think about it. I know I need a support group to help me face that, so I've begun attending a group where I can learn together with others.)
It's not a road any of chose for ourselves, but it's been chosen for us, and we can walk it together with dignity and courage.
Hi Kate,
Thank you so much for your wise words & advice. I really appreciate it.
The scary & overwhelming thoughts are brutal. I will take your advice and try to switch that doomsday thinking with thoughts of “I can do this” and “I will fight this”. My emotions are so up and down, it scares me.
”Together with dignity & courage” I like that - that’s my new manta.
How are you doing today? Sending positive thoughts out to you. I’ll be thinking of you.
Take care
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Thank youFearfullyWonderfullyMade said:Everything will be ok
Hello Bevoir,
I came across your post & felt compelled to reach out. I was just there 4 months ago. I know that feeling of uncertainty where everything seems like a blur...you‘re going through test after test and at the end of it all getting that call that confirms your worse fears. I know about feeling numb one minute and total panic the next, and all your emotions completely out of control. I know about sleepless nights after being diagnosed and going through back to back appointments to evaulate all angles of treatment as you assemble your medical team. Everyones journey is different, but I’m glad to have found this place to connect & hopefully inspire & just simply support. I know you have a lot to think about, but whatever happens, just remember cancer is not just about treating the illness, but also about making sure you you guard your mind and spirit that plays a big part in your journey to beating this!
Hello Fearfully,
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I found your words so very comforting during this tough time. I’m lurching from positive to crushed like an out-of-control roller coaster and it’s draining. I’m not eating so great due to my intense anxiey and crying jags. But I find being on this forum and meeting wondeful people like you a calming and positive experience.
How are you doing today? Sending positive energy and hugs your way.
Take care
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When I first felt my lump, IBevoir said:Thank you
Hello Fearfully,
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I found your words so very comforting during this tough time. I’m lurching from positive to crushed like an out-of-control roller coaster and it’s draining. I’m not eating so great due to my intense anxiey and crying jags. But I find being on this forum and meeting wondeful people like you a calming and positive experience.
How are you doing today? Sending positive energy and hugs your way.
Take care
When I first felt my lump, I was getting ready to go on vacation with my daughter, her husband and my 2 grand daughters. I think I knew at that time that it was cancer. I put off doing anything about it until I saw my primary care doctor. She ordered a diagnositic mamogram. Four days after that I got a call and was told that I had breast cancer. It was like a puncvh in the gut, maybe I went into denial. I told my children, my duaghter came to stay with me. Then began a round of tests, scans, doctor appointments, second opinions. and finally surgery 3 months later. I think I managed to get thru it one day at a time, because of my family support and my involvement with them. ( my husband is dead) I mean I had recitals to attend, birthdays to bake for, babysitting to do. So I just added it all to my daily routine. Maybe I was in some sort of denial. But I told myself that I would not let the cancer define me. I think for the most port it worked. except at night it was sometimes really hard to sleep. I don't know if this helps, I hope so. Lots of prayers and positive thoughts for you.
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You Got This!
Take a deep breath! You can do this. I wish I had found this site seven months ago. When I had my mammagrahm and he told me it looked like cancer I went out to the car, called my sister of the heart crying so hard she had a hard time hearing me. When I told my husband I was again crying. He said we will deal with this. I was told I had triple negative breast cancer. It is rare form, and they are still trying to figure things out. I had Chemo. then surgery, the chemo did not kill the cancer, but the surgery did get it all out with just three lymphnodes infected. I am finishing up radiation and will go on to take a chemo. drug that has promising results for my cancer, then a trial for another drug that has promising results. I have no hormones, so immune theraphy is the only way for me.
When I first found out I made a bracelet that has Love, to remind me that I am loved by more people then I ever knew cared for me. Faith, I have faith in my medical team. I have been blessed to have a team that is in contact with each other all the time including my primary care doctor. Believe, I believe in all my heart that I will beat this. I will do all I can to do so. I also believe that a higher power is watching out for me, and sent me to all the right people and places. Hope, I want to spread hope to all that we can really do this we are strong!
You can cry and be strong at the same time. Please, ask your doctors all the questions you have. I wrote my questions in a notebook and took it with me. I still do so I understand what is going on and how it is helping me beat this.
Love, Hugs and Blessings to you.
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Hi Bevoir,
Hi Bevoir,
I am 51 years old and found out last year June 2018 I had breast cancer, I was so scared, couldn't eat or sleep. I waited days until I told my son and weeks before I told the rest of the family. I guess I thought it was a dream and I will wake up. I was in the process of getting a breast reduction and felt a lump on my left breast. I had a bilateral mastectomy and glad I made the decision to have both removed. My breast was really big and if I would have had one removed, I would have been walking around with one big breast. LOL The doctor asked me did I want to reconstruct and I said, I feel better with having no breast. My back don't hurt anymore and I use to wear a 2x shirt and now I wear a large. I finished radiation in March. I found this website and it's like a second family. Everybody on this website are so kind, and have positive words.
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You are not aloneBevoir said:Thank you
Hello Fearfully,
Thank you so much for reaching out to me. I found your words so very comforting during this tough time. I’m lurching from positive to crushed like an out-of-control roller coaster and it’s draining. I’m not eating so great due to my intense anxiey and crying jags. But I find being on this forum and meeting wondeful people like you a calming and positive experience.
How are you doing today? Sending positive energy and hugs your way.
Take care
Hi Bevoir!
Just take one day at a time to process everything you’re going through which is a lot for anyone.
What helped me get through those sleepless nights was keeping/staying active. Keep your body moving. I do at least 40 min cardio 3-4x a week to get the heart rate up and sweat out the toxins. It also helps out mentally and improves your current state of mind of staying positive as you go through this.
Another discipline I adopted was clean eating. Whole Foods, no meat/dairy products, and cut the biggest culprit: sugar which cancer thrives on! In order to prepare for what you are about to go through, both your body and mind has to be prepared to do battle, and with the right healthy choices in place, there isn’t anything you can’t accomplish! Help your body to start healing naturally.
I also found the library to be a great asset by arming my mind with as much info I could check out about this illness. I became an active participant in my treatment plan with my medical team. Because in the end it‘s all about your choices. You know yourself more than any doctor out there. If you don’t feeling comfortable with the plan of action, challenge it. Second opinions don’t hurt.
Finally, I pray all day everyday, before I was diagnosed, going through the process, and especially after by just being thankful that I get another day to spend with my family.
Stay strong, you got this!
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Hi, Bevoir!
hi, Bevoir
4 years ago I was diagnosed with IDC. 4 years later I am back to my life once again. It seems you have a terrific team who are guiding you in the right direction. Things may seem to be moving quickly - test after test after consultation after test. That ‘s good! The more information you can get the better for your treatment decisions.
May I suggest you begin a journal to document questions/appointments/test results? I found this a valuable tool. I was able to remember questions I wanted to ask, contact information all in one place (I used the back page for phone numbers), and documenting side effects through treatments.
I know your emotions are in overdrive right now - how about letting the specialists take a turn at the wheel for a while? Please return with concerns and questions here. This is a fabulous forum! These ladies and gents are #1!
Best wishes,
Kathy
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be kind to yourself..
Bevoir,
Kathy has a good point about a journal. Even the little notes in them make a difference.
We are here, we care so much. Every day will be different. Every step may be hard. We are warrior here and we will help you with that walk.
You can vent and we understand. We also respect your choices.
Hugs and prayers going up,
Annie
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feeling normalBevoir said:Thank you
Hi Kate,
Thank you so much for your wise words & advice. I really appreciate it.
The scary & overwhelming thoughts are brutal. I will take your advice and try to switch that doomsday thinking with thoughts of “I can do this” and “I will fight this”. My emotions are so up and down, it scares me.
”Together with dignity & courage” I like that - that’s my new manta.
How are you doing today? Sending positive thoughts out to you. I’ll be thinking of you.
Take care
Hi Bevoir, thanks for asking. I've been feeling pretty normal lately. I've come through the surgery, the chemo, and now doing the radiation. Most days just seem like normal days. I keep living my ordinary life. But it's a different kind of "normal" because the possibility of cancer recurrence is always in the background, so I'm motivated to eat healthy and exercise like I never was before. And at the same time, I'm conscious that no matter how much I try to live healthy, there are no guarantees. Not that there ever were before, but I took health for granted then, and I can't do that now. I'm conscious now that my days may be fewer than I assumed. They say this experience brings life into focus for people, and we learn to really live each day well "as though it were the last". I don't know that I've learned that yet. I just keep plugging away, thankful for my family and beautiful rural home, and wondering what is ahead. Yesterday was my 47th birthday. If cancer treatment is effective, I could have another 40 years. If it isn't, I could be saying goodbye to my dear ones very soon. I know that if I die, I will be at peace, but it would be so very tough for them. I don't want to dwell on it.
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newly diagnosis
Hello I have a lump under my arm pit and did all the test and was just told 7/2/19 I have breast cancer . Not sure of stage nor type going for more test tomorrow. I am scared all the time of what else they might tell me. I try to stay strong around my family but when i am along i am breaking down. Fear of the unknown fear of it all. I do have another appt on thurs for a second opinion. Anyone have any advice
Joyce
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Dear Joyce,
Dear Joyce,
We all walk this path differently, yet side by side. Keep coming here and talking to us. Somewhere there is someone on here who has been there, done that and can help.
Read our bios, we come from all over. We are warriors and so are you. What you can do is from this day forward, get involved with your care.
Be your best advocate for your health. Only you can make the choice. It is your body. We care, we respect your choices and we dont judge them.
Get copies of your biopsy and readings of your test. Start a journel for just you. You dont have to write long winded words of wisdom. Just jot a thought, Jot a dr.s appt. Jot how you physically feel that day. Anything you want.
It helps if you take someone who is rational and dont quake in their shoes to go with you. Write down the questions you think you want to ask. Tag teams help at appointments. I always take someone with me and before I leave, I turn to them and ask if they have any questions or did I forget anything. One the way home, I absorb what is said, get home and write some more questions. Get on here and ask or call the nurse and ask.
We are here, we care. Breath and take it one day at a time.
Hug and prayers going up for you,
Annie
e
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thanksApaugh said:Dear Joyce,
Dear Joyce,
We all walk this path differently, yet side by side. Keep coming here and talking to us. Somewhere there is someone on here who has been there, done that and can help.
Read our bios, we come from all over. We are warriors and so are you. What you can do is from this day forward, get involved with your care.
Be your best advocate for your health. Only you can make the choice. It is your body. We care, we respect your choices and we dont judge them.
Get copies of your biopsy and readings of your test. Start a journel for just you. You dont have to write long winded words of wisdom. Just jot a thought, Jot a dr.s appt. Jot how you physically feel that day. Anything you want.
It helps if you take someone who is rational and dont quake in their shoes to go with you. Write down the questions you think you want to ask. Tag teams help at appointments. I always take someone with me and before I leave, I turn to them and ask if they have any questions or did I forget anything. One the way home, I absorb what is said, get home and write some more questions. Get on here and ask or call the nurse and ask.
We are here, we care. Breath and take it one day at a time.
Hug and prayers going up for you,
Annie
e
Thank you Annie for the encouragement and wise words. I am going to start now writing down my question and keeping a journel of all that is said and done. Thanks so much.
Prayer go up for you also
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Hi meadow glade. I wasmeadowglade said:You Got This!
Take a deep breath! You can do this. I wish I had found this site seven months ago. When I had my mammagrahm and he told me it looked like cancer I went out to the car, called my sister of the heart crying so hard she had a hard time hearing me. When I told my husband I was again crying. He said we will deal with this. I was told I had triple negative breast cancer. It is rare form, and they are still trying to figure things out. I had Chemo. then surgery, the chemo did not kill the cancer, but the surgery did get it all out with just three lymphnodes infected. I am finishing up radiation and will go on to take a chemo. drug that has promising results for my cancer, then a trial for another drug that has promising results. I have no hormones, so immune theraphy is the only way for me.
When I first found out I made a bracelet that has Love, to remind me that I am loved by more people then I ever knew cared for me. Faith, I have faith in my medical team. I have been blessed to have a team that is in contact with each other all the time including my primary care doctor. Believe, I believe in all my heart that I will beat this. I will do all I can to do so. I also believe that a higher power is watching out for me, and sent me to all the right people and places. Hope, I want to spread hope to all that we can really do this we are strong!
You can cry and be strong at the same time. Please, ask your doctors all the questions you have. I wrote my questions in a notebook and took it with me. I still do so I understand what is going on and how it is helping me beat this.
Love, Hugs and Blessings to you.
Hi meadow glade. I was diagnosed 3 years ago with triple negative fb. I am now 2 years NED(no evidence of disease). I’m curious as to the additional treatment you’re receiving after having chemo, surgery and radiation. I thought that there was no other form of treatment s once we were done. If this is something new, I would like to discuss with my treatment team. Thanks and continued prayers!!!
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Hugs
Huge hugs and love. I had the same diagnosis in 2016 at the age of 37. I’m still here. ;-) after several surgeries, plenty of chemo and radiation teoughout 2016 and beginning of 2017...I’m all clear.
yes, it can be terrifying so many questions that you have and that you don’t know to ask. No real answers that can be given to you until the surgeons create a plan that is specific to you. It really takes time. Don’t go overboard googling things, it‘s Too general and everyone is a little different with their very own timelines.
Takr the support where offered. Take someome with you to appointments and let them write note-the extra ears are always helpful. Have questions? Write them down and ask them. Docs are used to questions. they will answer them whenever they can give a clear answer.
Huge hugs, love and support for South Jersey. Feel free to pm me.
-Kate
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Breast cancer diagnosis
i was diagnosed with interductal carcinoma of the right breast in November of 2018 and had surgery in early December. During surgery they removed 2 lymph nodes neither of which were malignant so I was lucky. I underwent 23 radiation treatmentments at MD Anderson in Houston and because of the 38 score on my Oncotype DX test I chose to have chemotherapy to reduce the chance of recurrence. My chemo will be finished in 3 weeks and I believe my cancer is cured. Ask lots of questions and make informed choices. I use breathing treatments, fasting and iced boots to offset some of the side effects of chemotherapy and feel great about the my personal choices and my chance for being cancer free.
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breast cancer
I received my diagnosis, I have triple neg breast cancer. They say it not in my lymph nodes but that is of no comfort it is still breast cancer. So far i have had a mri, going for a bone denisity scan and going to get my port put in on 7/24/19. And chemo start 7/25/19 scard but hanging in. All new to me but overall i think i am holding up good. I know with God and family i am going to be cancer free soon. Praying for everyone that going threw this. Its a hard road but i know i am strong enough to handle just walk with faith and know he make no mistakes.
God bless all Prays and hugs
0
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