Question about will, not colon cancer specifically

It's tough to decide how assets should be left to children.  My wife had a brother and sister.  Her dad was well off and would help each child as needed.  Brother was a mess and was always "borrowing" money.  Sister married well and never had to borrow.  We were in between the 2.  So it was understood that when her dad died, the amount of "loans" would be subtracted from the set amount to equalize.  Apparently his lawyer talked him out of that deal and said that it would cause big problems to leave things unequal.  But leaving equal amounts caused the problems.  Ultimately, it seems that no one is really ever happy about how the inheritance is handled.

Your situation is even harder.  Have you talked to a lawyer to get some help with this?  Maybe there would be a way to set up the inheritance that might look more fair to you.  

Relationship issues are never easy, particularly when money/property is involved.

You first need to find out what you CAN do legally.  Things which are jointly held in both names, could automatically go to survivor in some areas.

There is no guarantee with regard to your daughter receiving anything unless you personally designate to her.  If hubby is survivor, he could make a new will without including her.

You need to do what you feel most comfortable with as following your own wishes, just as he will.  I don't think you need to have a joint will.  If it were me I would have a seperate one and let him feel however he wants if/when the time comes to read it.

Just my opinion, hope I didn't confuse the issue.

By the way, you are very fortunate to have such a caring and responsible daughter.

Marie who loves kitties

PS - if you are doing your own handwritten will, take it to a Notary so that your signature is validated and then make several copies, giving the original to a responsible party...not your hubby

This is complicated, and there are no right answers, only opinions.  But here is mine. First, an inheritance is a gift to the kids, your legacy.  I don't think that you can necessarily discount or reduce the inheritance for such things as the amount of child support that was paid or received for the child, or for the cost of braces.  Larger expenditures, such as the downpayment of a house, I would expect to reduce the amount of the inheritance by that amount, so of a "pay back" provision that is reasonable.  Also, I would avoid taking the cost of dinner into account, or day to day things that your daughter does to help. 

HOwever,

1) I support splitting four ways, only if all the assets will be split four ways.  He shouldn't take the rental and give that to his three sons, and then decide that remainder should be split four ways.   But I do like the four way split in concept (but with the issues set out below).

2) But the four-way split can be altered  sometimes.  For children who aren't responsible, the money should be put in a trust so it is not promptly spent.

3) I do think extra can be given to a child who is more involved than those that are distant or non-involved.  If the child did extra things perhaps there should be some reward.  For example, for helping for five years, perhaps the child could get an extra ___ thousand, before the four way split is completed. 

4) Both of you can consider structuring the inheritance so it just isn't wasted and frittered away by those who are not responsible.  Perhaps a trust which provides a downpayment on each child's home, secured by a deed of trust which will repay the trust fund when sold.   Perhaps an annual payment each year.  Perhaps deposited in a retirement fund for the adult children so they don't have to worry about retirement as much, or perhaps in a college fund for either children or grandchildren.  Perhaps in a trust that won't be distributed until the child is 40 or 45 or 50, so that have to acheive on their own, and not just be given cash.  Perhaps in a trust fund that rewards savings.  (i.e. if they save 10,000 or 100,000, they get a distribution from the trust fund.) There are alot of ways to distribute it, but just giving it to kids that are living at home that haven't finished high school is not necessarily a good idea.  The first thing that I would do, is not have the trust fund not distribute any money (except educational costs) until a child has finished college (or perhaps completed a trade school, served in the militiary, etc.)

6)  I am a very responsible professional, who earns a decent salary.  My parents (who are a bit eccentric, I admit) have structured their inheritance as interest only until I turn 65.   They want me to continue working and not live a "life of leisure" on an inheritance.  They are also handling the grandchildren's college funds.

But you defintely need an attorney to assist with this... to make sure it is set up the way that you want it.