It is with Deep Sadness

accordiongirl
accordiongirl Member Posts: 63
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

that i let you all know that my mom passed away on Friday, May 17th.  She was doing quite well, considering she chose to forgo treatment back in September when she was diagnosed.  A week ago, we were all at her apartment eating "Mother's Day" cake - and even mom was able to eat it.  (She had some issues with getting certain foods down.)  And now she's gone.  It's an awful loss for me and my kids and husband.  Even so......i am SO grateful that she didn't endure months of torturous pain (she had NO pain in her throat, even though that's where the tumor was) or lose weight to the point of being unrecognizable.  Mom LIVED her last 9 months and saw so much of our lives and shared so many events and memories.  i am going to miss her more than i think i can even fatham.

Thank you to all who suppored me, answered my questions, listened to my concerns, and offered advice over the past months.  You guys are amazing - dealing with your OWN issues and yet, taking the time and effort to help strangers. 

Best wishes and good health to each of you. 

~ accordiongirl

Comments

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,484 Member
    #2
    accordiangirl You Have My

    Deepest Sympathy. It is hard to see parents go but in your situation knowing you're time was limited made the very best of it and had some great times with your mom. I pray for comfort and strength for your family in the days ahead-God Bless

  • accordiongirl
    accordiongirl Member Posts: 63
    #3
    wbcgaruss said:

    accordiangirl You Have My

    Deepest Sympathy. It is hard to see parents go but in your situation knowing you're time was limited made the very best of it and had some great times with your mom. I pray for comfort and strength for your family in the days ahead-God Bless

    Thank you

    Thank you for your kind words.  Seeing mom go and knowing dad was waiting for her eased my pain EVER so slightly.  But......knowing that i now have no parents, no history, no resource to turn to about the past increases the pain, too.  Let's face it, loss is just HARD, no matter what.

    i am SO grateful for the times with mom and the additional months we had together with her feeling good.  She was a gift and i will miss her for always.

    ~ accordiongirl 

  • caregiver wife
    caregiver wife Member Posts: 234
    edited May 2019 #4
    So very sorry for your loss.

    You have been a great daughter for your mother.  Bless your family, Crystal

  • swopoe
    swopoe Member Posts: 492
    #5
    I am so sorry for your loss.

    I am so sorry for your loss. May your mother‘s memory be a blessing to you and your family.

  • johnsonbl
    johnsonbl Member Posts: 266 Member
    #6
    Sorry to hear...

    best wishes to you...

    Brandon

  • big G
    big G Member Posts: 177 Member
    #7
    johnsonbl said:

    Sorry to hear...

    best wishes to you...

    Brandon

    Sorry for your loss

    No words can express your feelings in this time. God Bless 

  • ERomanO
    ERomanO Member Posts: 323 Member
    #8
    I am very sorry for your loss

    I am very sorry for your loss, accordiongirl. But I am also glad to hear that your mom didn't have months of suffering and got to spend quality time with you and your family family right up to the end.  I watched my wife wither away to nothing before she passed at age 45, and our kids were only 10 & 12 at the time.  It's a painful memory that takes a lot of effort to push aside in favor of the good ones.  It's good that you won't have that... at least, not too much of it... to deal with.  Your memories of love will always be front and center.

  • accordiongirl
    accordiongirl Member Posts: 63
    #9
    ERomanO said:

    I am very sorry for your loss

    I am very sorry for your loss, accordiongirl. But I am also glad to hear that your mom didn't have months of suffering and got to spend quality time with you and your family family right up to the end.  I watched my wife wither away to nothing before she passed at age 45, and our kids were only 10 & 12 at the time.  It's a painful memory that takes a lot of effort to push aside in favor of the good ones.  It's good that you won't have that... at least, not too much of it... to deal with.  Your memories of love will always be front and center.

    You are SO right!

    Yes, i am beyond grateful that mom didn't have much time in the "suffering" department.  It really came on suddenly, if you can call it that.  She'd been doing well and holding her own, weight was steady, etc. and just the last 5 days, mostly the last ONE day, was the tough one for her.  Actually, her last day was harder on us than on her.  i'm sorry that you went through harder times with your sweet wife......those memories ARE hard to face.  i feel for you so much.

    Thank you for your thoughts.  It's been a blur of time these past days....with more to come.

    ~ accordiongirl

  • okeydokey
    okeydokey Member Posts: 38
    #10
    so very sorry

    You have my deepest sympathy--my prayers are with you at this time--Hugs for you

    Rita

  • CivilMatt
    CivilMatt Member Posts: 4,724 Member
    #11
    Sad update

    accordiongirl,

    I was very sad to read about your mom passing.  I am happy that you both were comfortable with her decision to forgo treatment options and that you had some quality time with her and she with the family.    

    I did respond to your posting back on September 23, 2018. Cancer is terrible disease to deal with and to go head-to-head at any age can be a daunting task.

    My most heartfelt condolences,

    Matt

  • accordiongirl
    accordiongirl Member Posts: 63
    #12
    CivilMatt said:

    Sad update

    accordiongirl,

    I was very sad to read about your mom passing.  I am happy that you both were comfortable with her decision to forgo treatment options and that you had some quality time with her and she with the family.    

    I did respond to your posting back on September 23, 2018. Cancer is terrible disease to deal with and to go head-to-head at any age can be a daunting task.

    My most heartfelt condolences,

    Matt

    Thank you, Matt

    i have so appreciated all the care and support here on this forum.  i know that not seeking treatment is contrary to what most of you folks are going through, but i am SO grateful that mom made that decision for herself.  i know how things would have gone had she gotten treatment at age 83......it would not have been good.  Instead, we got so many wondrful months, beautiful memories, tons of meaningful conversations, and plenty of laughs.  Mom was so at peace with her decision and she showed us the most gracious and accepting way in which to complete her journey.  She didn't feel sorry for herself or call attention to her plight or ask for special help.....she just lived her life.  i wanna be just like my mom when i grow up!  (Though maybe i'm SUPPOSED to be a grown up by now?!!)

    Mom gave us so much more time with her by not pursuing treatment and we are blessed to have had that time.  This is what worked for HER......certainly not suggesting that it's what is right for anyone else.

    Today is mom's birthday and we had a "memorial birthday party" with her friends and fellow neighbors at her apartment complex.  It was a treat for me to hear from so many people how much they enjoyed mom and how greatly they miss her.  Some didn't even know she had cancer.....and she was diagnosed last September.  This is what i meant by her not parading around looking for sympathy - she just didn't.  It was a grand celebration of the life of someone truly special.  i am humbled to be her daughter.

    Thank you again for your thoughts.  You take care of yourself in the best way you can, okay?!!

    ~ accordiongirl

     

  • Suez39
    Suez39 Member Posts: 165 Member
    #13
    Very Sorry

    I am very sorry for your loss. Cherish the good memories you experienced with your mom. Nothing takes away the pain but rembering the good times helps some.  My prayers are with you. Hugs to you!

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