Sometimes, life is not only about cancer

I have been going through a lot of physical stress over the last 6 months due to complications of bi lateral knee surgery. The pain has been so bad that the doctors say I have been in survival mode where your whole body shuts down to deal with the problem at hand. There have been more than a few days where I was begging for the pain to go away. Somehow I have convinced myself that I have the strength and courage to keep going knowing that the future will and must be better. Because of my journey with cancer I have become a stubborn gal and refuse to give up on things. I hope you will “get your willpower back” soon. 

Dear Abbycat, two years ago when I got my UPSC diagnosis, yours was one of the first posts I read. You were so knowledgeable and upbeat. It made me read more posts and I found such strong women to add to my Mustangs.( My support group is called the Mustangs and what a glorious herd they are.)  When things fall apart, be it cancer or a sudden death, we are rocked to the core and our defense mode seems to have deserted us.  At 79, I have faced many moments when I was sure I would not be able to get up the next day. But, I had children who needed care. I had to help my mother face the death of my father while my heart was also breaking.  I saw my husband off to war. Fought cancer 3 times. How do we survive life?  We reach out, as you have done and we ask that in our low moments, others lift our spirits and see us through the dark period. You and your family are hurting and it will take time to absorb all that has happened. Hug your love ones close and let them know how you are hurting. We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes we need to cry or scream or ask why. And then comes the moment when you see an especially beautiful sunrise or the smile on a baby's face, and you know that day will be better. We all love you and our arms are around you though we are far away. Peace.

Abbycat this reminds me of a story. I had a relative that was killed in a pedestrian car accident years back. If you remember i had cancer over 20 years ago and of course survived. I was in a car accident and in the emergency room they took exrays of my chest and found my cancer. So my accident saved my life. And my relatives life ended because of an car crash. I couldnt help but think of that when he died. 

I am so sorry to here of your loss. May God be with you and your family.

Oh, I am so sorry for what you are going through! When it comes at you from all directions like that it's got to be hard not to feel the way you are! Take the time you need to mourn your loss and the unfairness of the other issues you have to cope with.

It's doubtful any one of us gets through life unscathed by such devastation; we all have our own stories that we can and sometimes do share, but that doesn't make it any easier for you in the moment. Bob must have been a really lovely person for you to feel his loss so keenly. I hope someday soon you'll be able to feel those years you had him were worth the pain you are going through now. He's left you with good memories and that's really all any of us can leave to the ones we love.

The two tangible things that work for me in times of grief and depression are these:  lean and serve.  Lean on the Lord and on your friends - most of us really want to help each other.  Most of us are delighted to sit with you in your sorrow, to bring a meal, to send flowers.  God is best of all at loving us and holding us through the trials.  Serving helps me - I find a young mom who needs a break and take her to a movie, a concert, or out to dinner.  Or I take a meal to her family and give her the night off from cooking.  Something to focus on and to get me out of my own head.  I know this comment isn't very focused or eloquent - I'm having an exhausted weekend - but just want to encourage you that though this is a hard season, it is a temporary season.  The sun will shine again.  Thank you for staying with us after all these years of being cancer free.  We need you!

I am so sorry to hear of the death of your brother-in-law. It does seem like sometimes it is just too much for one to handle. You will manage one day at a time no doubt. It is so hard to grieve. Sometimes don’t you just want to go back in time before the loses of life? I am glad you reached out to your “sisters“ on this board. You are a kind and thoughtful sister helping with the move and I’m sure your sister will need your help as you work through your grief. It’s just so heartbreaking ... 

((Hug))

Lori

Life is just hard sometimes and it seems like when life becomes hard life just keeps piling it on.  I have been told all my life that things happen in threes and that has held true in my life.  You are due for a break now!

I have read your posts and they are always upbeat and positive - try to keep that positivity.  Sending a virtual hug!

Betty

Kaleena said:

So sorry to hear

Cathy

so sorry to hear everything you have been going through lately.   I am so sorry for your loss.    Nothing I can say or do can take that pain away. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.   You are a strong person and you have always encouraged me on my posts.  

It does get overwhelming.   After going through my stuff and 2 recurrences, my husband having Stage 3 pancreatic cancer (he’s doing well But I worry) what more can there be?   Well I was getting out of bed and leaned on my nightstand and my arm broke. I needed surgery and the put in a plate and screws.   I can’t drive.  It was my right arm and I’m right handed.    I also had three UTIs recently.  

Hang in there Cathy.  (((((Hugs)))))

Kathy

Maternal, I'm so sorry you're going through such a tough time too. Hope you feel better.