Sun Shining A Little Brighter

Msboop15 said:

Thought about you a lot today

This is supposed to be my “good week” and I feel like total crap.   I have numb lips and my tongue has felt like it’s been burned for at least 7 days. Even drinking room temperature water can be a problem at times.  This, in addition to all the other neuropathy problems and the increasing fatigue is really causing me to question whether I want to continue.  This after only 3 infusions.

I had a colon resection then 6 weeks later a liver met showed up. The “hope” is the chemo will shrink that and they can do a resection. I am seriously considering canceling my May 6 chemo. I am scheduled for a CT scan on May 16. If the liver met has shrunk & they can do surgery I will probably do that. Like you it’s a quality of life thing...I said that right up front and continue to feel that way  

I honor you for what you did today and I wish you the absolute best in your beloved mountains  

Elaine

 

I would hug you thru it until better days if I could. My heart just hurts for you. I know that misery as do most here on this board. Those moments you think will never fade will give way to lessening symptoms for you I pray. One thing that I think made a huge difference for me in the first five rounds was water, water, and more water. It will help to flush it out of your system. Thank you for taking the time when feeling so bad to offer me support..This board is a wonderful place to come to regardless what you are dealing with or the path you choose. I wish you comfort and hopefully a rebound of your spirit and energy soon.. Huge hug your way...M

JanJan63 said:

I admire your resolve. You

I admire your resolve. You have to do what you feel is best for you. My onc at the time said follow up chemo reduces my chances of reccurence to 65%. So I did it just in case and still had a reccurance.

Here's how I look at it and my logic may be flawed. The stats are that 47% of people will be diagnosed with cancer. So let's round it to 50%. By my way of thinking, that means that nasty chemo is only increasing our odds of not having a recurrence by 15%. I'm probably not looking at things the right way, though. Not sure.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't have done it but I didn't know what I know now. And when it spread I'd have been so mad at myself for not doing it.

Enjoy life every day and change oncs if you're not happy. They hold our lives in their hands, we must feel like they're looking at the big picture and doing what's best for us. My onc tells me what's going on and then asks me what I want to do. If she has concerns she'll say what it is and explain why. If I'm looking at a plan that's doable she'll say so. She once said that if I do the chemo twice a year to just keep the cancer at bay I may lose 6 months to a year at the end of my life. But, those six months will be the last months when I'm dying and I'll have more quality of life now and for the next while. That's what I chose. And then it turned out my cancer is slower growing than they'd thought so I'll have even longer than we thought, most likely.

It's all a crap shoot. We just make the best of it that we can. At least we have the chance to take care of things and do things before we're gone. I think that's a blessing. I'd hate to go in a car accident or something so fast that my family is totally shaken and arrangements have to be made. It also gives me comfort to know I won't get really old. I've always had a fear of ending up in a nursing home or being a burden on my daughter. Or where will I get the money to take care of myself when it comes to that? Our old age pensions here in Canada are a little over $500 a month. Nursing homes are a few thousand monthly.

Anyway, those are my thoughts.

Jan

Jan, my thoughts are I am not going anywhere anytime soon. We all die. Our bodies are not meant to last forever and something will take us. I damn sure didn't want it to be cancer but I can tell you it won't be a long miserable death from the effects of chemo for me. If I were a young woman with small children, who knows what I would do when faced with such a beast of a disease. For me, I am grateful for having the time with my husband to have educated myself enough to know some things when I went in to this. I aslo believe that some of the cards dealt are just life and fate that a greater power than me has his hand on. We put ships in space but trillions of dollars are raised and spent on this damn disease and still, so much misery exists with it and no cure?? I call BS!! You are so right. It is a crap shoot and each one of us has to make our call. I don't judge anyone for anything they decide to do to live their life on their terms. Hell,  I said I would NEVER do chemo after going thru all of it with my husband and look at me....I did six rounds. Why? Because of fear with the size of my liver lesions and to get to surgery.The doctors wouldn't do the surgery without me doing the chemo first. The ironic thing is the chemo did nothing to the liver tumors. The colon tumor was affected but then so was most of my digestive track with the crap. The approach of let's pour some more in for good measure and hope it works doesn't cut it for me. Chemo damages your liver without question...even my liver specialist told me that upfront. So to pour more chemo in me 8 weeks after taking off the right lobe of my liver doesn't make ANY sense to me . That's a crap shoot I don't want in on. I have always been healthy, no medications or health issues ever and strong as a ox That mopup round of chemo I did after surgery made me sicker than I have ever been in my life. My weight tanked 8lbs in less than a week....no more...No thank you...Unless you are lucky as hell, most doctors don't pay attention to all of the fall out and details of what's going on with your body like we want them to. You have to be your own advocate or make damn sure you have a good person in place to do it for you. When you are sick as a dog and your mind is in a fog, nothing much matters. I'm not planning to die, I'm planning to LIVE. Who knows if I'll be in their statistics without recurrence? Who knows if I'll be hit by a bus tomorrow? All I know is I feel alive, free and happy in this moment today and I hope each one here finds those precious moments on terms they have peace with. You are an inspiration on this board with your fight and I will continue to keep you in my thoughts and prayers for all the good days you can ride into the sunset with. Hugs, M