What Cancer Takes Away

I found myself rebelling as I read that article, but then not everybody's experience of cancer and it's treatment is the same as mine. I coped with thoughts of dying before I was ready by going over and over what I had to be grateful for in my life. There's a lot, even with all that was negative, so it helped to keep me from descending into the dark places my mind could go. 

Cancer is such an assault on us and those who care for us, but I can't imagine how much harder it is for those with fewer social or financial resources that have to cope anyway. This site might help some feel less alone in their struggle, but it would be nice if there were more universal requirements for paid leave and/or work-from-home policies from employers when circumstances are this dire. There are enough success stories that prove that it would be worth it.

I'm so sorry that you have and are feeling this way. I hope I don't seem dismissive of how you are feeling, but I hate that you identify with what's in this article. I don't have any answers except for what worked for me, but compared to some I had a relatively easy time of it. It sometimes seems like we have to fight our own negative feelings as much as the cancer, doesn't it?

SF73 yes our cancer journey changes our whole perceptive on life and like MAbound said I don't want to dismiss how you felt but one thing that we all know is we will all eventually leave this earth one day. It makes our mortality so much more real and we know that some journey's will be shorter or longer than others. 

What helps me to survive this cancer journey is to think about all my blessings like MAbound said and know that there are others out there who have life a lot harder than me. For example the children diagnosed with cancer so young....they haven't even had a chance to live their lives. 

In addition I look at cancer as a positive....how has this journey changed my life. For me it has brought me closer to my husband and my family and my friends. My faith has grown in leaps and bounds and due to that I have been able to witness to a lot of co workers, family and friends.  Our retirement plans changed due to this diagnosis which actually turned out to be a blessing. So when I say to myself ' why me, why did I get this cancer',  I answer ' well why not me'!! I am a strong, positive person and I can do this!!! 

So it's chin up and one foot in front of the other. SF73 you aren't alone. Know that we are all here travelling this road with you. Thank you for sharing the article. xoxo

SF73, thank you for posting the link. It was dark, a bit depressing, but like many of our stories here, someone's truth.  We share our stories of neuropathy, constipation, diarrhea, numerous bowel and bladder issues, and other painful side effects, I kinda felt like I could have been reading a more eloquent member of our board. We share our surgical stories, our chemo stories, our radiation stories. We celebrate someone's NED and we commiserate when the news is not so favorable. We have many women who are alone, and their need to share their thoughts about how they cope makes me feel lucky I do have the support that I have, but so open to giving support to them. I recognized some of my thoughts, knodding in agreement when I entered my 1st oncologist's office and seeing all of the women, bald, some obviously close to the end; such a depressing place I left crying. I had never seen so many women in such a state but I knew that I was now one of them. How we individually cope with our varying diagnoses seems to be from A to Z. But it is reality. Reading one person's account is no more depressing or dark than learning about LadyMox's death, reading her heartbreaking attempts to live, or any of the others that we have lost. (At least the author was NED.)  So thanks for posting it. 

xxoo

Denise 

BluebirdOne said:

Sure, it was dark, but no darker than reading comments here.

SF73, thank you for posting the link. It was dark, a bit depressing, but like many of our stories here, someone's truth.  We share our stories of neuropathy, constipation, diarrhea, numerous bowel and bladder issues, and other painful side effects, I kinda felt like I could have been reading a more eloquent member of our board. We share our surgical stories, our chemo stories, our radiation stories. We celebrate someone's NED and we commiserate when the news is not so favorable. We have many women who are alone, and their need to share their thoughts about how they cope makes me feel lucky I do have the support that I have, but so open to giving support to them. I recognized some of my thoughts, knodding in agreement when I entered my 1st oncologist's office and seeing all of the women, bald, some obviously close to the end; such a depressing place I left crying. I had never seen so many women in such a state but I knew that I was now one of them. How we individually cope with our varying diagnoses seems to be from A to Z. But it is reality. Reading one person's account is no more depressing or dark than learning about LadyMox's death, reading her heartbreaking attempts to live, or any of the others that we have lost. (At least the author was NED.)  So thanks for posting it. 

xxoo

Denise 

I went and found the article and I agree with, Denise, but I think we all look at it with different eyes.

We have talked about everything here.  Laughed, cried, lent our shoulders.  

Cancer sucks.  Not everyone understands the journey.  I wish none of us had to.

Can someone PM me the link to the article?  I'm late to the party and so curious what was being discussed!

Lulu7582 said:

Yes depressing article

SF73 yes our cancer journey changes our whole perceptive on life and like MAbound said I don't want to dismiss how you felt but one thing that we all know is we will all eventually leave this earth one day. It makes our mortality so much more real and we know that some journey's will be shorter or longer than others. 

What helps me to survive this cancer journey is to think about all my blessings like MAbound said and know that there are others out there who have life a lot harder than me. For example the children diagnosed with cancer so young....they haven't even had a chance to live their lives. 

In addition I look at cancer as a positive....how has this journey changed my life. For me it has brought me closer to my husband and my family and my friends. My faith has grown in leaps and bounds and due to that I have been able to witness to a lot of co workers, family and friends.  Our retirement plans changed due to this diagnosis which actually turned out to be a blessing. So when I say to myself ' why me, why did I get this cancer',  I answer ' well why not me'!! I am a strong, positive person and I can do this!!! 

So it's chin up and one foot in front of the other. SF73 you aren't alone. Know that we are all here travelling this road with you. Thank you for sharing the article. xoxo

Lulu this is exactly what keeps everything in perspective for me too "For example the children diagnosed with cancer so young....they haven't even had a chance to live their lives."

I'm grateful that I had at least 53 years so far.

Donna Faye said:

Age plays a part

I read the essay in the New Yorker and did not find it dark or depressing as so much is true. I think one's age plays into how it is read. My BC at 55 was when I found that I had to prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. My cancer at 77 was C'est la vie! Took the treatment w/o too much of a big deal. The recurrence a year later was again - so what now! Here I am at 79, NED for now and looking back, would probably do it all again with little change. Now getting blood clots was my dark path! But that too has been and on I go.  

Notice new pic with 2 of my 6 grandsons! They make the battle worthwhile! 14 ,79,16

or survivorship. My first two months after finding out that I had UPSC, and undergoing surgery, etc., were very dark times for me. Now, 9 months after the initial dx, I have come to terms with cancer and accept what is my new life. I grieved for the old life precancer, but as others have mentioned, my new life has deeper and more meaningful relationships, and I try to live each day to the fullest. 

And your grandsons are very handsome! And obviously love their grandmother. 

Thanks, Donna Faye.

Denise 

I too missed the article. It was in the New Yorker? Was it this year? I would like to read it. I like the comment that we are walking each other home. 

Lori