I am not a Survivor

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  • Annabelle41415
    Annabelle41415 Member Posts: 6,742 Member
    #22
    manapart said:

    I dont know how to feel about it...

    I talk to my oncologist again wednesday. He cancelled the endscopy to biopsy the pancreas. It seems he will be freelancing through the surgery because as of now they only know from scans I have cancerous lesions on my pancreas but as far as the mass on my colon and the lymp nodes, the pathology report was inconclusive. This is basically going to be a pancreatectomy and colorectomy simultaneously. He went through so many organs he have to remove or cut out it made my head spin. As of now their "theory" is it could be two primaries. Im numb, and depressed and I havent been able to even talk about this much or post on the boards. I told Jan I just dont have anything encouraging and positive to say, its just the rantings of a man who ran out of luck, and time. Ill keep you updated but other than that I just dont know what to say anymore. 

    Surgery

    You don't have to say anything right now except I'd wait until after the surgery and see what the surgeon says about it.  It might be that they can get it all and do mop up treatment after that.  It sounds like the surgeon has a plan and that's good.  I'm glad that they have done tests to determine what approach to make.  I'm always thinking and praying for you. 

    Kim

  • PhillieG
    PhillieG Member Posts: 4,866 Member
    #23
    manapart said:

    Having surgery May 9th

    i think theyre cutting out everything except my heart. 

    Questions.

    I posted this earlier but did not see a reply from you so here goes again.

    • Are you being treated at a reputable cancer center or your local hospital?
    • Have you gotten the very important second opinion from an oncologist who’s an expert in their field?
    • You seem to be having a very hard time emotionally. Have you spoken with a professionally trained therapist? If not, I urge you to go ASAP.

    I understand that everyone handles things differently. It hits most of us like a ton of bricks. I was given less than a year to live 15 years ago. That was totally unacceptable for me. We all have to make the choice of what’s acceptable. I hope you find your inner strength. 

  • manapart
    manapart Member Posts: 67
    #24
    PhillieG said:

    Questions.

    I posted this earlier but did not see a reply from you so here goes again.

    • Are you being treated at a reputable cancer center or your local hospital?
    • Have you gotten the very important second opinion from an oncologist who’s an expert in their field?
    • You seem to be having a very hard time emotionally. Have you spoken with a professionally trained therapist? If not, I urge you to go ASAP.

    I understand that everyone handles things differently. It hits most of us like a ton of bricks. I was given less than a year to live 15 years ago. That was totally unacceptable for me. We all have to make the choice of what’s acceptable. I hope you find your inner strength. 

    Yes, yes, and yes

    The clinic I attend is the best available in the city. The hospital in conjunction is one of the best, though there are better. I have two oncologists I see now. One is a oncologist surgeon, the other is a medical oncologist. They so far have been pretty much in agreement with their interpretations of the pathology report and the need for surgery and adjuvant chemotherapy. The only deviation is that one suspects I may have lymphoma. 

    I have been seeing a therapist for 18 years. Since my diagnoses, therapy and my coping abilities have been ineffective and im currently being transitioned to a more experienced therapist who specializes in post traumatic stress and emotional support. I also attend a support group. Due to being uninsured this is the only mental health clinic I was accepted at and best available in my area. It does not have the most qualified people but they are trained and compassionate. 

    I hope i find my inner strength as well. 

  • Helen321
    Helen321 Member Posts: 1,460 Member
    edited April 2019 #25
    Manapart.  You are you.  You

    Manapart.  You are you.  You can only do what you can do in life.  I have PTSD myself and I put one foot in front of the other to the other side.  Look to other cancer patients, they can be the best support.  I support you in anything you can handle.  Cancer is EXHAUSTING.  Do whatever you can handle.  You are stronger than you think in that many of us have these same feelings.  I did chemo, no nausea, Ativan is the best pill in the world because it not only relieves your anxiety, it gets rid of the nausea.  I am exactly the same way about nausea, just the idea of having a stomach virus in life puts me in a panic so when I found out there was anti nausea medication that would also help my anxiety, I jumped right on board.  Never even had an ounce of nausea, took those pills like clockwork daily.  Helped me get through.  Believe me, you're not ranting.  So many of us have these same feelings, cancer is very scary.  Once you hopefully allow yourself treatment and face the surgeries, which are extremely scary, there is a sense of relief that happens.  I hope you are able to get there and I support you.

  • feckcancer
    feckcancer Member Posts: 189 Member
    #26
    even though i didn't have any

    even though i didn't have any sickness with chemo  , the first round of chemo i was given anti nausea tablets as a preventative measure & after 3 days i had extreme restlesness. one of the very rare side effects of one of the anti nausea tablets. this is so rare they didn't even bother to mention it when they were talking about side effects (or i wasn't listening more like it) so i had no idea what was going on and i was a bit embarrassed because i felt like i was whinging because i felt so well apart from not being able to keep still. anyway treatnment was oral clomazapam (v enjoyable BTW) that night which stopped it within 1/2 hour  followed by a zopiclone a few hours later to make me sleep. they stopped that medication but i still had others. 2nd time i didn't have any anti nausea tablets but didn't need them anyway. just thought i would add this in here in case it happens to anyone else so if it does they can deal with it straight away

  • feckcancer
    feckcancer Member Posts: 189 Member
    #27
    suzycruise76 said:

    "was out shopping the day

    "was out shopping the day after i left hospital."

    I love this last sentence of your post. LOL! I am just at the beginning of my cancer journey, starting fifth week of chemoradiation. Having some regular side effects,not too bad,but no energy to do anything else than to take the local transit to the hospital for radiation and back home. Chemo Xenoda twice a day at home. 

    I so miss going to stores to check on spring fashion,to see the bright colors after the gray winter.I just can't do it now. In 8 days I'll be sort of free....waiting for my CT scan,MRI and surgery some time in June...probably. I hope to get my energy back to go shopping,or at least looking and enjoying the spring atmosphere every where.

    Your post gave me a bit of hope I'll be able to do it.

    Hope you are doing well and wish you all the best!

    Suzy

    Thank you. i am doing so well

    Thank you. i am doing so well thank you (3 years NED) and i hope you continue to do well too. fatigue is a huge issue. 3 years later i still get it occasionally and looking back i now realise how fatigued i was but i put it down to other things. i had a bit of an attitude of okay, done treatment why aren't i feeling better? now realise i had to heal. is not the same as antibiotics take x1 pill x3 times a day for 10 days . get better.  in hindsight my poor doctors. still remembering the look on his face after i demanded why wasn't i feeling better at my 6 week check up. v early days he murmered. about another 6 months before you even start healing. WHAT? lol

    anyway don't forget online shopping Laughing. take care. you can do it. 

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