It's Becoming "REAL"

It's official...liver resection to happen on February 19th. Got the call and I can't explain what I'm feeling. I "knew" it would happen but it still feels like I am watching clips from a movie about someone else. But, it's ME!!!I still don't know if both colon and liver with be resected at the same time. I have a colonoscopy at 1 tomorrow and I guess I will know after that. I just started the prep instructions for the big "clean out", lol. Just because I know I can't eat, I am so hungry I could eat a bear,lol..Isn't that always how it is?? I am scheduled to meet with the anesthesiologist at 10:30 in the morning before the colonoscopy. From what I've read and been advised, an epidural is the way to go for pain management. I guess I am feeling so many things wrapping into one and it's hard to process. I am grateful to be able to even be considered for the resection. I am also scared to death. The surgeon told me that the lesions are close to the vena cava and informed me of possible risks involved. Liver failure, heart failure, and a few more that I didn't want to hear. I know it's his job but WOW..what choice do I have other than surgery to get this $#@* out of me?? I'm finding I can only think about this in mini stages...the what-ifs make me crazy and wear out my head, heart and soul. A phrase comes to mind as I think about all of this..How do you eat an elephant?..One bite at a time..( Can't I just ride this elephant or pet it without having to eat it?? Anybody out there found a way to truly turn off the "monkey mind"? I meditate, pray, exercise...but still, I THINK TOO MUCH!!. A beautiful day wished for all of you..Hugs, M