Caregiver Guilt

gkamantigue
gkamantigue Member Posts: 2
in Caregivers #1

I am a new cancer caregiver for my husband who was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. Many times throughout the day I find myself planning for his death and what I will do if he passes away. I feel so guilty for thinking these things. I feel so selfish. I am frightened, angry, distraught, and overwhelmed. I love him so much. He is my world. Of course I hope he will beat cancer, but it’s so hard for me to stay positive. If I can’t stay positive, how can he possibly stay positive?  I try not to show him what I am going through because I don’t want to upset him. He is such a good guy. He doesn’t deserve this. 

Comments

  • GingerMay
    GingerMay Member Posts: 134
    #2
    Not alone

    I am sorry you are here, but you are not alone. Yes, it is frightening and overwhelming. It seems cancer does not discriminate who it happens to. The good people in this life get it too and it is not fair.  

    It is heartbreaking to see our loved ones struggle. One time I cried in front of my husband and he told me I had to be his rock.... so, no more of that. Now I only cry when I am alone in my car, shower, or elsewhere. I think it's only natural that our minds wander around topics of worse case. I find it easier though when I pull back from those thoughts and only think about what is immediately in front of him and me, just today, this week, this month. One day at a time. 

     

  • saint71
    saint71 Member Posts: 7
    edited September 2018 #3
    You are not alone.  I find

    You are not alone.  I find myself doing the same exact thing. I talked to my doctor and he prescribed an anti depressant.  I think it is helping but the thoughts are still there it just doesn’t take a big toll on me. I am able to control my emotions better.  I used to cry non stop. I am dealing with it one day at a time.  Praying like crazy that the treatments will work.

     

  • MWKde
    MWKde Member Posts: 2
    edited October 2018 #4
    Positives not negatives

    Look at everything you are doing for your husband.  You are his rock!  You are everything to him.  Stay strong, talk to someone, cry, get mad, it is all natural.

    Battling cancer is just that a BATTLE!  Fight this battle with your husband, together as one unit. 

    Do not sweat the small stuff.  It is worth the fight. 

    Stay strong!!!  MK

  • GNT1981
    GNT1981 Member Posts: 11 Member
    #5
    It is NOT fair

    I read and fully understand what you are going through as I had my caregiver time for my poor wife who passed in April. I too felt the same guilt as I was taking care of her and then would leave to sit and talk with the funeral home ( we were given weeks by that time- after we got 2 months at diagnosis in June). It was absolutely horrible to come home and look into her eyes knowing what I had done. Here was the woman I loved and now looking at her after working on funeral arrangements- My God how unfair. I cried so much more than my wife who had her emotions robbed by her brain cancer and was not the woman I knew for 44 years. In fact she never cried. This from a woman that was so emotional all our life together. How do you take care of someone you love knowing she will be gone soon and watching her take turns for the worse every other day? You are tired- depressed- angry- sad and at times even resentful-and yes you feel the guilt all the time afterwards. But you do get through it. In the end all is done out of love and as impossible as it may seem you must know he does see and appreciate it. It is the hardest thing anyone can do. All the best for you to find whatever support you can during it because you do need others as well- that is where I was grateful for the home Hospice team that I got full support from in our time. Just having people to talk with that know what is happening meant so much. I used them for all I could. Good Luck and God Bless.

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