Worried over decision

Steve, I do not recall your medical history with PCa. What lymph node ? HOW would anyone know it to be positive for PCa, which is what you seem to be saying (IF it is postive).

I think what you need to have addressed first is your emotional situation.  Lamenting your first-line choice can change nothing and is not fair to yourself, or probably the doctor.  To say that he was not concerned for your welfare is a serious thing. What proof do you have of that ? Sometimes the best coices and the best doctors simply fail, through no fault of their's.

I've been ejected out of a car window, run over on the street, two years' rehab learning to walk again.  Severe spinal deformities for life, inoperable. When I have X-rays the techs (more than once over the years) come out and ask to talk with me, sayng stuff like "I've never seen any films like yours before." 

Then, advanced lymphoma, a strain with a high relapse probability, and Stage II PCa.  But I wake up every day thankful.  I am no hero or special person, far from it.  Just an average Joe.

People ask me, "How did you get through all of that?"  I reply: "I didn't know I had a choice."

Try to get over this my brother.

Be Winnie-the-Pooh, not Eeyore.

Listen to this country music song, which is sort of my theme, although I have others also. It might help a little.  The lyrics are beautiful. He sings of hope, althought this singer died of alcoholism at 34 years of age. But hope is always a good thing.   

To open it, Highlight the link. Then RIGHT CLICK. Then press "Go to....."

https://www.google.com/search?q=no+stranger+to+the+rain&oq=no+stranger+to+the+rain&aqs=chrome..69i57.9695j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8

Steve1961 said:

Thanks I’m trying too.i do

Thanks I’m trying too.i do know he wasnt after my best interest and I am upset ..when he dismissed the decifer test noting high risk ..he had his reasons why . 

when I told him it could be worse now maybe 4+4  instsed of 3+4 he said that happens slot  he wasn’t worried ..when I asked him that could mean node involvmrnt  said 5 % chsnce ..when I asked about beIng young and secondary cancers he said chances of getting secondary cancers is like dying on the table ..it’s my own fault I didmy trust hi and now I have to live with the fear of secondary cancers and possible node involbmrnt ...when I could hsve chose surgery and known it all ..now it’s hsinging  me and I’m depressed over it 

I am sorry for your diagnosis but there is always hope and good outcomes. At age 52 I had surgery, gleason of 9, radiation and have been on hormone treatment. Now at age 66, its been recommended that I stop hormone treatments. Being that I have been able to work around side effects, its actually making me a bit nervous stopping the hormones. I hope the best for you and hope you have the same quality of life that I have experienced or better.

I am a lot like you.  I had the radiation instead of surgery and now I regret it.  Drs. will not tell you what to do, and they will always make a case for their own treatmentts.  I almost chose surgery, but I was a nervous wrek and could not bring myself to do it in the end.

My wife and I have been through it (multiple cancers, autoimmune diseases, ...) so we understand how hard this can be so I respect your anxiety and fear with everything that you are going through. 

One thing that we have come to understand is that life has no guarantees or warranties. Very few of us go straight through to 85 and die in our sleep with no suffering. What this means is that for almost all of us, a pain, a blood test. a scan brings us into the doctors office to hear the start of our particular path for the medical bumps in our particular road to get through life. Some are a little more fortunate and deal with bad knees, kidney stones, etc and some of us get some more serious challenges like most of us here, and some get a massive punch to the face with untreatable and fast moving problems, or worse yet no warning and a stroke, heart attack, drunk crosses the centerline, etc.

Look at Max in the post above. He has been through the ringer and is still swinging away at life and positive. Do the level of research that you are comfortable with, challenge the doctors at the level that is appropriate, get second opinions, come here for guidance and then commit and be confident that you made the best decision with the information available to you at the time. Then don't look back, even if you may have screwed up, you can't change it. Negative emotions only make the bad go faster and get worse. After the news, rinse and repeat.

On any new day all we can do is make the best new decisions possible. Sunk cost is sunk cost. There are so many examples of people getting a gut punch and then picking them selves up and charging toward the goal. You see it in sports, medicine, business. Life or their own mistakes kicks them in the a** and they just keep improving the process and never give up. One of my best friends has a very aggressive and dangerous cancer and was only supposed to live 3 years in his early 40's. He is comming up on a decade with ZERO cancer in his last scan but his road has been very tough with very advanced cancer at one point. Surgeries, radiation, chemo ...He is one of the most thankful and happy guys I know, I love hanging out with the guy.

Every week that we are all still here talking, helping, sharing is another week that we get to enjoy life and share good times. Get rid of the toxic thoughts and toxic people in your life and make every day count. In the end you will have more good and wonderful days than people that don't have cancer but can't get to a peaceful and happy place. Don't stop fighting and hoping but make some peace with this and cut yourself some slack, this s**t is hard. You have many good years or decades ahead of you, make 'em count.

George

If just the prostate has been radiated you can radiate the lymph nodes later. You may also be able to add a boost to a specific area with hdr brachytherapy or SBRT. But all that has to be discussed with the RO.

G53

They should never offer any form of radiation to a healthy person under 60.  I wish I had the surgery, but I was scared of it.

Anytime you leave in the prostate. and if you have a long life expectancy, that's more time for the cancer to come back. The only thing they offer then is lifelong ADT.  It's criminal.  But radiation units are a moneymaker for the urology practices.  Think about it.  You are in a copnfused, vulnerable state and they make an appointment for you with a RO and surgeon that is part of their practice.  Like the next day.

They should have psychiatric social worker on staff to help with these decisions.  There are some oncology groups that have them.

brizee said:

I'm with you

Here is what they should tell you.  If you have surgery, you can have radiation later if you need it.  If you have any radiation, you cannot take out the prostate, and your future options are very limited.  If they would state it in those terms, the choice would be easy.

There are many options if primary radiation fails. 

But please let's not start another surgery vs. radiation 'battle'. They both have advantages and disadvantages. 

What happened was that you were feeling a great deal of anxiety.  Anxiety produces cortisol whch impairs your memory and even the ability to think straight.  You will forget what has been said in your meeting with docs, and other information.  You will have lots of confusion.  I bought a book called The Decision, about how to decide what treament to pursue when diagnosed with PC.  It had a helpful cheat sheet that described the surgery vs radiation issue.   I bought it June of 2016, by the middle of July, I forgot I even bought it  That's what stress can do.