Feelings and Depression

SuzJ
SuzJ Member Posts: 446 Member
in Head and Neck Cancer #1

It's not something we talk about. In fact, as a former EMT, depression is something people who are going to kill themselves never ever talk about. They smile, and when they are done, people say "he/she was always so happy" We are very good at hiding what we really feel.

 

So, I'm going to start it,

 

First, there's the "why me" part. Well, why not you? why shouldn't it be me? would I wish it on anyone else? No. I'm me, I can do this, but please, WHY ME?

I eat healthily, don't drink, don't smoke, try and stay fit, so why me? there is no answer, no explanation. Cancer happens. It happens to anyone.

 

Survival mode. we smile, we are congenial, we try not to make trouble for anyone, we "get on with it" Because, at the end of the day sitting in the clinic waiting for a chair, I don't know how the Doctors face it each and every day.

 

Depression - all thru treatment, I had people asking if I felt depressed, and I'd smile and say no. Because I wasn't. I was in fight mode. Nothing was going to kill me, it picked the wrong host!

 

Now, I'm clear, finally got my port a cath out, Doctors visits are now once every 6 months, Life is good, right?

And I'm depressed. When I talked to my Primary care, and I told her, she said "at last, I wondered when it would hit you"

 

This is along the same lines as admitting you were/are HPV+, it's not something nice people talk about, but we all are struggling or have struggled.

 

If you have already been down this path, please share your coping mechanism with those that are fighting with it now, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

Comments

  • bugsyboy
    bugsyboy Member Posts: 39
    #2
    Coping Mechanism

    I forget what meds I was on for depression, but they also helped stimulate my appetite, so it was a win-win.  As I healed, I hurried to get off the meds - all meds.  The anti-depressants, the oxy, the Fentanyl, even the Magic Mouthwash.  And I had to get rid of the stupid feeding tube that probably saved my life.  So, a few months after being off the meds and the feeding tube, I'm mad, I'm hateful, I'm depressed, and I don't even like being around myself.  I went back to my PCP and got back on the anti-depressants.  This lasted about two months and I slowly came off of them.  That was almost four years ago.

    I replaced the meds with Lucy the Wonder Dog.  We've been through obedience training, Canine Good Citizen training, and she's even been trained to perform Service Dog tasks to help me when certain stimuli, especially smells, trigger a not-so-pleasant response.  We go everywhere and do everything together.  I'd be lost without her.  She's been trained to alert me to and distract me from certain behaviors to which she's been trained.  She's not a therapy dog.  She's a Service Dog.

    She's how I cope.  My last treatment was October 3, 2014 for SCC HPV16 at the base of my tongue.

    I hope you find your coping mechanism.

    Bugsy

  • wbcgaruss
    wbcgaruss Member Posts: 2,484 Member
    #3
    It is Certainly a Rough Road

     

    We certainly go through many feelings and emotions from start to finish with our cancer diagnosis and treatment. Went through the why me question a bit but decided well it is me that has this cancer and I’ll deal with it as best as I can. Certainly wouldn’t wish it away on someone else. I may have been a bit depressed at the time but did not need meds other than what I had like Ativan and Hydrocodone etc. You go from diagnosis to a bunch of tests and scans then I had to get a port and feeding tube put in. Then you get a treatment schedule and not long after that it’s treatment 5 days a week so you are busy, busy, busy. Then finally and suddenly the fight is over. Treatment done. Now suddenly you have nothing to do all this free time. But wait you realize you feel lousy and you have a recovery period to go through you don’t know how long it will be just estimates you have read about. Finally, after several months or more you are starting to feel better but recovery is slow.

    So I would say many of us go through your feelings and situations or at least some of them and we wonder is the cancer all gone, will it come back, will I get a new cancer? Always a remnant of this in the back of our minds.

    I was blessed with God watching over me a church family praying and supporting me.

    So from reading this forum with the many intelligent and knowledgeable people on here and my medical teams were great supporters and I got strength and support from them. And from reading the folks on this forum I was told recovery is a long slow process and it is I can vouch for that just be patient and give it time and if you need some meds or counseling or whatever to get you over some humps in the road, by all means, use it. And another thing I learned from the folks on here-actually I credit "Skiffin" for it-NEGU- “means Never Ever Give Up”.

     

    And lastly here is a link to a 17-minute video addressing the treatments over now what do I do-treatments over and living afterward-very good video called “Lost in Transition” and you may have to copy and paste it in your browser address window.

     

     A short film/video by the Institute of Medicine about the problems that come up after cancer patients successfully end treatment and look into follow up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YhuqWM3dNAw

     

     

     

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