What next?????

MK1965
MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
in Prostate Cancer #1

Would like to hear comments, suggestions, advices, could do, should do things?

I was not fortunate enough in my recovery after RP. At almost 21 months post RP, I still did not experience any sign of spontaneous response from my penis. Still using Cialis, Viagra, VED and BIMIX, normally not at the same time. BIMIX is also loosing its effectiveness and not producing erection sufficient for sex.

Would like to hear from those with late recovery? Did you give up trying after certain time post RP or you continged into year 3, or you just were at “Whatever happens....”?

Some days, I am to the point where I want to stop everything and give up. Other times thinking, I can not give up my sex life. I’m 53, still in excellent shape, very active, healthy.

Hamlets dilemma.........?

MK

«1

Comments

  • hewhositsoncushions
    hewhositsoncushions Member Posts: 411 Member
    #2
    I'm going to throw these

    I'm going to throw these thoughts into the ring.

    Every time I get depressed about my situation, my own ED (I can get a semi-boner but can't deploy it), my mental health, the fuckups I have made, blah blah, I look to others in a far worse situation for inspiration:

    And I say **** it - they have / had it a **** ton worse and didn't just make lemonade, they stole a truck, raided the lemonade warehouse and partied with what they drove off with.

    I got so hung up on sex regardless of PCA because reasons but struggling with what I can't do and have made me reflect very hard on what I CAN do and what I DO have - basic health, family, friends, a (crap) job but it pays and things I am turning into a vocation.

    I have destructive thought processes that probably need a crowbar to shift out but I work on this approach to fight them:

    Step 1: Get up

    Step 2: Be thankful for and enjoy what you do have

    Step 3: Work the problem like today is the first day you have encountered it and be realistic

    Step 4: Make the day a bit better for yourself and someone else

    Step 5: Be thankful for what you achieved

    Step 6: Go to bed

    Step 7: Rinse and repeat and NEVER GIVE UP

    Stoicism teaches us to despise what we cannot have. Most of us (me included) are not that philosopically advanced, but what we can do is focus on what we do have and what we can offer.

    If we can't Carpe Erectum we can damn well Carpe Diem

    C

  • JayAur
    JayAur Member Posts: 33 Member
    #3
    Been there

    Might I suggest you consult with your M.D. and consider Muse or Caverject Impulse.  The Muse is a small suppository that is self placed in the penis When you want an erection.  Gave me a 75% erection.  Caverject is same drug that you self inject (yep, a needle ) into the side of the penis.  Same drug as Muse.  Via injection gave me full erection.

    Just my experience.  Best to you.  There are other satisfactory sexual activities.  Some studies indicate that we guys think intercourse is what it is all about.  Many females would disagree.  Find what works for you and your wife/partner.  

  • Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 Member Posts: 3,817 Member
    #4
    hewhositsoncushions said:

    I'm going to throw these

    I'm going to throw these thoughts into the ring.

    Every time I get depressed about my situation, my own ED (I can get a semi-boner but can't deploy it), my mental health, the fuckups I have made, blah blah, I look to others in a far worse situation for inspiration:

    And I say **** it - they have / had it a **** ton worse and didn't just make lemonade, they stole a truck, raided the lemonade warehouse and partied with what they drove off with.

    I got so hung up on sex regardless of PCA because reasons but struggling with what I can't do and have made me reflect very hard on what I CAN do and what I DO have - basic health, family, friends, a (crap) job but it pays and things I am turning into a vocation.

    I have destructive thought processes that probably need a crowbar to shift out but I work on this approach to fight them:

    Step 1: Get up

    Step 2: Be thankful for and enjoy what you do have

    Step 3: Work the problem like today is the first day you have encountered it and be realistic

    Step 4: Make the day a bit better for yourself and someone else

    Step 5: Be thankful for what you achieved

    Step 6: Go to bed

    Step 7: Rinse and repeat and NEVER GIVE UP

    Stoicism teaches us to despise what we cannot have. Most of us (me included) are not that philosopically advanced, but what we can do is focus on what we do have and what we can offer.

    If we can't Carpe Erectum we can damn well Carpe Diem

    C

    Slew of stuff

    I'm sorry you're still having a range of issues, hewho.

    I don't recall your age, and did not take the time to backtrack and look at it, but a point I make at times is that most men over 60 are beginning to have ED issues,  even without prostate diseases.  Throw in some cancer, surgery, and perhaps radiation, and it is little wonder that ED becomes a common occurence.

    Philosophy usually works for its students, until they actually need it to do so.  The great philosophers of history have been among the most messed up, disturbed humans to walk the planet. Not all, but their insights often did not help them individually.  Kierkeggard ?  Profoundly neurotic.  Nietzsche ?  Went totally psychotic well before death, believed by most historians to have been induced by syphilis in his brain.  The list is long and sordid.

    You describe people enduring the unbelievable. Watch this recent hit from a few years back. It might help.

    The only way I know to get the links I post to open is to first highlight the link, then RIGHT CLICK, and click "Go to....."    I hope the song is helpful,

    max

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u-niluB8HI

     

    Another. This is a country song about 'can-do' and endurance. Ironically, the singer died of an alcohol ovordose in the 1980s, at the age of 34...  The lyrics are striking.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlF2p1UPt8Y

  • MK1965
    MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
    #5
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 said:

    Slew of stuff

    I'm sorry you're still having a range of issues, hewho.

    I don't recall your age, and did not take the time to backtrack and look at it, but a point I make at times is that most men over 60 are beginning to have ED issues,  even without prostate diseases.  Throw in some cancer, surgery, and perhaps radiation, and it is little wonder that ED becomes a common occurence.

    Philosophy usually works for its students, until they actually need it to do so.  The great philosophers of history have been among the most messed up, disturbed humans to walk the planet. Not all, but their insights often did not help them individually.  Kierkeggard ?  Profoundly neurotic.  Nietzsche ?  Went totally psychotic well before death, believed by most historians to have been induced by syphilis in his brain.  The list is long and sordid.

    You describe people enduring the unbelievable. Watch this recent hit from a few years back. It might help.

    The only way I know to get the links I post to open is to first highlight the link, then RIGHT CLICK, and click "Go to....."    I hope the song is helpful,

    max

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u-niluB8HI

     

    Another. This is a country song about 'can-do' and endurance. Ironically, the singer died of an alcohol ovordose in the 1980s, at the age of 34...  The lyrics are striking.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlF2p1UPt8Y

    Age

    max,

    At time and diagnosis of prostate cancer, I was 51 y/o. 

    Now, I am 53. I was at younger side of prostate cancer survivorS. Had bilateral nerve sparing surgery and was expected to recover sexual function because I went into surgery with very good erections, because of my age and health status. Also, I am non smoker, non drinker, healthy, exceraising regularly, not overweight, and never used any erectile meds like Cialis or Viagra before.

    And all these predictors of sexual func recovery did not work in my favor.

    MK

  • Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 Member Posts: 3,817 Member
    #6
    MK1965 said:

    Age

    max,

    At time and diagnosis of prostate cancer, I was 51 y/o. 

    Now, I am 53. I was at younger side of prostate cancer survivorS. Had bilateral nerve sparing surgery and was expected to recover sexual function because I went into surgery with very good erections, because of my age and health status. Also, I am non smoker, non drinker, healthy, exceraising regularly, not overweight, and never used any erectile meds like Cialis or Viagra before.

    And all these predictors of sexual func recovery did not work in my favor.

    MK

    Aware

    Mk,

    I recall the details of your experience, Mk. And I'm sorry about the ED now, as I was when you first began reporting it.

    "Likely outcomes" and "averages" are just that:  averages. What happens to any individual guy cannot be known in advance.  I had a cousin-in-law diagnosed at 43, about 8 years ago (around the year 2010).  Began treatment at MD Anderson, Houston, perhaps the best facility in the world.  Began treatments with IGRT, plus HT. No surgery. He was dead in under two years.  He failed to qualify as "average" in response also.  26,000 men DIE of PCa in the US annually.  They don't make the average/predictive range either. 

    My perspective is to follow hewho's item #2 above:  Be thankful for and enjoy what you do have.

    We all play our cards and pray for the best.   Wishing you health and well-being,

    max

  • RobLee
    RobLee Member Posts: 269 Member
    #7
    Max Former Hodgkins Stage 3 said:

    Aware

    Mk,

    I recall the details of your experience, Mk. And I'm sorry about the ED now, as I was when you first began reporting it.

    "Likely outcomes" and "averages" are just that:  averages. What happens to any individual guy cannot be known in advance.  I had a cousin-in-law diagnosed at 43, about 8 years ago (around the year 2010).  Began treatment at MD Anderson, Houston, perhaps the best facility in the world.  Began treatments with IGRT, plus HT. No surgery. He was dead in under two years.  He failed to qualify as "average" in response also.  26,000 men DIE of PCa in the US annually.  They don't make the average/predictive range either. 

    My perspective is to follow hewho's item #2 above:  Be thankful for and enjoy what you do have.

    We all play our cards and pray for the best.   Wishing you health and well-being,

    max

    Ditto MK to Max's sentiments

    Ditto MK to Max's sentiments expressed above. I remember everything you've told me and I often think of your experience every time I read a similar case or see your nickname in a forum. Others like myself went into this hoping we would be among the 99.9% for whom everything went as planned. When you are among the 0.1% then the stats are of little comfort. It is natural to feel that you've been cheated. It takes a while to lift the rug off the floor and shake it out, realize that it won't be looking any better after a few more years of beating it and just try to move on. It's called acceptance and is a natural part of the grieving process. 

  • jeffman
    jeffman Member Posts: 46 Member
    #8
    I am 10 months removed from

    I am 10 months removed from removal. ED has been accepted by my wife and myself,but this in no way means sexual pleasure is dead along with erections. I can still have the same intensity orgasm as before , sans ejaculation, but I need to try not to drink anything before sex or leakage (of another sort) can occur. We have accepted this and have learned new ways to satisfaction- for both of us. Almost like being 16 again.

    All is not lost. Things just get different. And I'm alive.

  • MK1965
    MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
    #9
    jeffman said:

    I am 10 months removed from

    I am 10 months removed from removal. ED has been accepted by my wife and myself,but this in no way means sexual pleasure is dead along with erections. I can still have the same intensity orgasm as before , sans ejaculation, but I need to try not to drink anything before sex or leakage (of another sort) can occur. We have accepted this and have learned new ways to satisfaction- for both of us. Almost like being 16 again.

    All is not lost. Things just get different. And I'm alive.

    Works for you

    I am glad it works for you.

    In my case, all fun is gone out of my life, nothing is happening neither bad nor good.

    No excitement of any kind....

     

    MK

  • Clevelandguy
    Clevelandguy Member Posts: 1,180 Member
    #10
    Good post jeffman

    I think you hit the nail on the head jeffman, you realized you had a problem and found a work around for it.  For any obstical in life you need to find something to get you past your problem.  If you don't you will not progress and you will iive with your problem until you can "fix" it, whatever the fix is.

    Dave 3+4

  • JayAur
    JayAur Member Posts: 33 Member
    edited July 2018 #11
    Never Give Up

    MK, this site is populated by people who have been where you seem to be.  Worried, perhaps depressed...just know that we have all been there.

    Life can sure hand us lemons.  But we can, if we care to, overcome by accepting what we can’t change and moving on by changing our outlook.  Please join us in accepting the situation and moving on.  Life is funny that way...we just need to make the best of it.

    Peace, and hopefully better days do lie ahead.

  • Old Salt
    Old Salt Member Posts: 1,505 Member
    #12
    Change

    Depressed

    Lemons

    Accept

    Change

    are some of the key words that I picked up from the above post. 

    Now, let's focus on 'change'; what about redirecting your attention to the rest of the world? So many activities beckon for your help. So many possibilities to volunteer, and make the world a better place. And BTW, many of these can be (quite) gratifying.

  • hopeful and optimistic
    hopeful and optimistic Member Posts: 2,346 Member
    #13
    To add

    Good advise from old salt ,jar aur, and others.

    To add there are urologists that specialize in improving physical ability for erectile function that you can consult with, that may be of help....anyway worth  try.

    Also you can speak with a phychologist that specializes in in providing strategies for coping with erectile dysfunction...they can speak with couple.

     

  • MK1965
    MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
    #14
    JayAur said:

    Been there

    Might I suggest you consult with your M.D. and consider Muse or Caverject Impulse.  The Muse is a small suppository that is self placed in the penis When you want an erection.  Gave me a 75% erection.  Caverject is same drug that you self inject (yep, a needle ) into the side of the penis.  Same drug as Muse.  Via injection gave me full erection.

    Just my experience.  Best to you.  There are other satisfactory sexual activities.  Some studies indicate that we guys think intercourse is what it is all about.  Many females would disagree.  Find what works for you and your wife/partner.  

    Out of options

    Jay,

    Already, used all non invasive and less invasive options:used and still using Cialis and Viagra without any response, VED and constricting rings never produced usable erection for penetration, used TRIMIX and had some success with TRIMIX but  erections were very painful and hours after erections would go down, peniswould be aching. Switched to BIMIX but BIMIX gives me some fullness and partial erection which most of the time is not usable for sex.

    Wha else could I do? Implant?????

    At 53, I can not say good buy to sex. I am not ready for that.

    i am grateful, I am cancer free but I could be cancer free also without this bad SE if I would not listen  to my wife.

    MK

  • Grinder
    Grinder Member Posts: 487 Member
    edited July 2018 #15
    My mother

    This may seem a bit off topic... not really.

    This is a quote from a sitcom about mothers who use guilt to obligate their family members...

     "That guilt-mobile my mother drives has a LOT of miles on it... but it runs like brand new!"

     That described my mother too. But she was emotionally unstable most of the time because you CANNOT guilt people into loving you. In fact you drive them away emotionally.

    That's a good reason Christianity pushes forgiveness so much. My poor mom did not understand that, but I learned from her how destructive playing on guilt can be in relationships.

    Taking what the Bible says about forgiveness to heart, I have learned not to keep a record of wrongs in my relationships, and in fact, every person I know gets a "do-over" ALL the time. 

    As a result, my relationship with my wife is a firm, loving, committed bond that we are certain will last till death, and maybe even beyond. We have not been sexually active for years when my prostate infection flared up... but we dont need it. Our relationship is deep enough that sexual activity is incidental. She's still loves to cuddle, to show displays of affection etc. But the act of sex is way down the list... so we did not miss it.

    So I highly recommend a constant state of forgiveness for all you guys and your relationships... 

     4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... 1 Corinthians 13

    "It keeps no record of wrongs"... These verses are not just words on a page... they are quite true, I have discovered from experience. All my relationships are great, with my kids, with their spouses, with most of my friends... at least the ones who are also capable of grasping this important principle.

    The friends who are not capable of this... well, I guess they're mad at me about something that happened somewhere sometime and I can't do anything about that. It's a shame because relationships are amazing once you've learned how to forgive as a reflex.

  • MK1965
    MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
    #16
    Grinder said:

    My mother

    This may seem a bit off topic... not really.

    This is a quote from a sitcom about mothers who use guilt to obligate their family members...

     "That guilt-mobile my mother drives has a LOT of miles on it... but it runs like brand new!"

     That described my mother too. But she was emotionally unstable most of the time because you CANNOT guilt people into loving you. In fact you drive them away emotionally.

    That's a good reason Christianity pushes forgiveness so much. My poor mom did not understand that, but I learned from her how destructive playing on guilt can be in relationships.

    Taking what the Bible says about forgiveness to heart, I have learned not to keep a record of wrongs in my relationships, and in fact, every person I know gets a "do-over" ALL the time. 

    As a result, my relationship with my wife is a firm, loving, committed bond that we are certain will last till death, and maybe even beyond. We have not been sexually active for years when my prostate infection flared up... but we dont need it. Our relationship is deep enough that sexual activity is incidental. She's still loves to cuddle, to show displays of affection etc. But the act of sex is way down the list... so we did not miss it.

    So I highly recommend a constant state of forgiveness for all you guys and your relationships... 

     4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs... 1 Corinthians 13

    "It keeps no record of wrongs"... These verses are not just words on a page... they are quite true, I have discovered from experience. All my relationships are great, with my kids, with their spouses, with most of my friends... at least the ones who are also capable of grasping this important principle.

    The friends who are not capable of this... well, I guess they're mad at me about something that happened somewhere sometime and I can't do anything about that. It's a shame because relationships are amazing once you've learned how to forgive as a reflex.

    Forgiveness

    Grinder,

    Why and whom I need to forgive?

    i did not push my wife into surgery, she did it to me.

    i could not do that to my worst enemy.

    I like your 1 Corinthians 13. 

    Love has bridges that sometimes get burned. To build new bridge at the same place, it takes time and effort and good will.

    I am ready to build new bridge but far away from burned one.

    MK

  • Clevelandguy
    Clevelandguy Member Posts: 1,180 Member
    #17
    Choices

    Hi All,

    Before I had my surgery my wife & I sat down and reviewed the options of surgery vs radiation.  We both thought surgery was the best bet to get rid of the cancer.  If my surgery went bad I would not have blamed my wife in the least amount.  Sometimes in life things just don't work out as they were suppose to so you have to make the best of what you have.  Yeah I leak a little from time to time, I'm not happy with that but I have learned to adapt with liner pads.  Sex is different now with my wife but we both learned to adapt.  Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball strike you need to say batter up again and hope for a 2 base hit or a homer.  Gotta keep on looking positive, none of us wanted this cancer but were all alive with different side effects.  Need to put it behind you and move on to what the future holds.  Where would we all be if Thomas Edison quit with the light bulb after his 30th failure.

    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."   ~ Confucius

    Dave 3+4

  • MK1965
    MK1965 Member Posts: 233 Member
    #18
    Clevelandguy said:

    Choices

    Hi All,

    Before I had my surgery my wife & I sat down and reviewed the options of surgery vs radiation.  We both thought surgery was the best bet to get rid of the cancer.  If my surgery went bad I would not have blamed my wife in the least amount.  Sometimes in life things just don't work out as they were suppose to so you have to make the best of what you have.  Yeah I leak a little from time to time, I'm not happy with that but I have learned to adapt with liner pads.  Sex is different now with my wife but we both learned to adapt.  Sometimes when life throws you a curve ball strike you need to say batter up again and hope for a 2 base hit or a homer.  Gotta keep on looking positive, none of us wanted this cancer but were all alive with different side effects.  Need to put it behind you and move on to what the future holds.  Where would we all be if Thomas Edison quit with the light bulb after his 30th failure.

    "Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall."   ~ Confucius

    Dave 3+4

    Did not invent

    Thomas Edison was not inventor of lightbulb.

    He stole it !

    MK

  • Clevelandguy
    Clevelandguy Member Posts: 1,180 Member
    #19
    Attitude

    I see you missed the true meaning of my message.

    Dave 3+4

  • JayAur
    JayAur Member Posts: 33 Member
    #20
    MK - Please try - Please

    MK, do you remember the 5 Stages of Grief?

    Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Depression - Acceptance 

    You MUST work your way to reach ACCEPTANCE.  We, who are here, have all wrestled with the grief monster.  You have to realize that you must somehow, someway, someday reach the goal, ACCEPTANCE!

    We people here will stay with you until you reach the goal.

    Keep at it!

  • lighterwood67
    lighterwood67 Member Posts: 393 Member
    #21
    What Solutions

    What solutions to your issues are acceptable to you?  In reading your posts, in my opinion, there appear to be many issues.  Personally, I do not think the solutions are on this site.  You are the man in the arena now, I ceratinly hope that you look deep into yourself and ask the question, is this the place I want to be a year from now?  You need to stand up and fight.  Make this situation better for you and all who love you.  Peace to you my friend.  Even though I do not know you and you do not know me,  I surely hope the best for you.

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