Husband had first TACE on Thursday last and barely eats an orange a day.....

richnkim said:

I get it.

First off just let me say I don't think your a horrible mean person, I think you are scared and frustrated and angry at how your life has taken this rotten turn. I get it, I feel all those things. My husband was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bile Duct Cancer with mets to the lungs. Bile Duct Cancer is rare and there is no cure at all and because of where his tumor is located on the liver he couldn't have a resection. So he did chemo untill that almost killed him and now he is on his second clinical trial.

We to have a young son, our is 11 years old. You mentioned your son hides in his games and friends, which is fine but you need to reassure him that even though his dad is sick he will be fine, all of his needs will still be met and a big thing for our son was knowning that the cancer his dad had wasn't heredity. He didn't like to ask me questions for fear of seeing me cry so he e-mailed me his questions that way both of us could react the way we needed to without worrying that we would upset the other.

As for the not eating thing we have that in our house to. For my husband everything tastes bad so why would you want to eat! You mentioned Ensure my husband hated the taste of it he said it tasted like vitamins (iron) so I got him Caranation Breakfast Essentials with High Protein Choc Flavored, it has 15g of protein, 21 vit amd minerals and 3g fiber. He says it tastes just like regular Choc Milk. He prefers foods that are bland like rice, noodles,breads and of course I put some chicken in most of the cassoroles. Pinterest has alot of good receipes. 

You also mentioned he is taking alot of pain meds so be on the look out for constipation, you might want to start some stool softeners, that is a big problem with my husband and the drs say a problem for all people who takes pain meds.

Attitude plays a big part is wanting to eat and just get out of bed. His drs put him on a anti-depressant and I can say it has made a huge difference also alot of those types of drugs can enhance other drugs to work better. I also take a anti-anxiety med without it I was crying all the time and having to run to the bathroom so our son wouldn't see me and get upset to, it also has made it so I can think more clearly so I can get my work done.

I hate the way cancer has changed our lifes, I keep on looking at the things we do as our last time(last Christmas together,last Birthday together)that I wasn't enjoying anything we did, so I made myself a promise that even though CANCER is trying to Run our lives I'm not going to let it Ruin our lives. We as a family are going to fight it so that we have as much time as possible. He was given 3 months to live and it's now been 1 year and 6 months since being diagnosed so I'd say we are winning!

Don't be so hard on yourself, your doing the best that can be done with the hand that's been dealt to you and if anyone says anything different have them come spend a week or even a day in your shoes and I guarantee you they will be changing their minds, it's a hard and all consuming emotional job taking care of a loved one who has cancer. My husband says that I have worst end of this I'm the one left after he's gone to pick up the pieces and try to make a life for our son by myself and to him that sounds worse than what he's going though he said he's got pain meds to dull his pain I won't have a medicine to dull my and our son's broken heart.

I wish you the best of luck and I'll say a prayer for you and your family. Take care!

Thank you so much for your response. I do reassure my son, he prefers to not "bother" Daddy because he wants him to rest. He is dealing quite well with it acrtuall I am suprised although he does ask about death and I tell him the truth, it is quite possible this will take him some day but he is with us now and we will have as much fun as we can. My husband finally started eating food Monday and has eaten fine since but he spiked a fever Tuesday and the Weds it was 103 so I made him go to the hospital where he has been ever since. They've had him on antibiodics, his heart rate has been eleveated, his white cell count was up but is coming back down now. They thought he needed his gallbladder out and found out it is working just fine. He is still in pain at a 5 he says and his treatment was now 9 days ago. We are not sure if it's the tace that caused the fever or not, he may come home today. They want him to go back to the Mayo clinic where he got the treatment but we can't afford it since he has to go for a second tace at the end of this month. I am so exhausted.  feel so bad for you as well, I hope your family is doing okay. I have been praying for you, just haven't had time to answer you. Thank you for the kind words, I do take anxiety meds already and they help me quite a bit. Take care and keep in touch. 

Slow-runner said:

My husband had TACE twice

My husband had the TACE procedure twice and said it was the most painful thing he ever went through. He had them a month apart and although the second time was to a smaller area, it was the toughest one to get over.  Good news is that the follow-up scan showed all tumors were dead, he had at least ten tumors.  You are amazing to be sticking by  your husband through this if you were considering leaving before the diagnosis.  I cannot imagine how you are doing it, you must feel trapped and that is an awful feeling.  I hope you keep working out and doing things to benefit you, it is empowering. Good luck to you both and take care of yourself.

Thank you so much. He is due for another procedure on small tumors this time but they've pushed it back two weeks because he has had such a hard time recovering from it. It's so good to hear that all your husbands tumors are dead! That's amazing! Best to you and your husband thanks so much for your reply.