Anxiety

RuthieL
RuthieL Member Posts: 4
in Breast Cancer #1

Hi everyone!  Hope you area all having a great day Laughing

 

I am having trouble with anziety and wanted to see if anyone had any similar experiences.  In January I was diagnosed with IDC - Stage 1 but Her2+ no agressive.  Lumpectomy went great, no lymph node involvement and margins were clear.   Chemo (Docetaxel, Carboplatin) plus Herceptin for 6 treatments.   Then radiation, then hormone treatments for 7 - 10 years.   Chemo treatments 4 and 5 were so hard on my my MO suggested we skip #6.  My husband and I agreed.   I had extreme anxiety with extreme exhaustion.  No one knows whether the chemo, steroids, etc. caused the anxiety or whether I just am extremely anxious.  The MO gave me Lorazepam so at least I can sleep at night. 

I am two weeks out from my last chemo treatment and feeling better but still find myself getting anxious and starting to go down that dark hole of thoughts.  I am trying to make a "Grateful" list so every time I start thinking the worst, I can read my list but it doesn't always seem to work.  I have tons to be grateful for (early detection, wonderful husband and support system, etc) but I find myself worrying who I am going to be on the flip side of this, will the cancer come back, will my friends still be my friends, etc.  

I am having trouble wanting to go anywhere or do anything also.  I feel trapped if we commit to doing anything so we basically do nothing.  Tonight we are going to go to dinner for the first time in a few weeks.  I guess I'm afraid I will need to leave or that people are looking at me (lack of hair) or that I will not be able to relax.

Next week I meet with my rad doctor and will start radiation at the end of the month which also has me anxious.  Will I get blisters, will I be fine?  I've been reading as much as possible but everyone is so different. 

I know this is a long rambling mess but hopefully this is somewhat normal and at some point I will get back to my positive happy self!?

 

Love and prayers to all of you out there on your own journeys! <3

 

 

Comments

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    edited June 2018 #2
    Ruthie

    This whole experience is anxiety producing and with all the drugs in our body, it can really stress our body to the max, which effects how we feel. Hormone therapy can also make us feel anxious, nervous, on edge, emotional. It is worse than being pregnant. Anytime a woman’s hormones are changing, we can experience emotional lability. I feel like it is sort of PMS or pregnancy. I can cry at the drop of a hat, and that is so not me. 

  • Teach76
    Teach76 Member Posts: 354 Member
    edited June 2018 #3
    Anxiety and treatment

    hi, Ruthie

     

         Each of us has been where you are at some point during treatment.  I am glad to see that you started a grateful list, and you can count all of us in!  I found the “unknown and untold” to be extreme concerns.  Although we are given a wealth of information, it does not always touch on our innermost concerns.  Yes, we understand that “most patients . . .” , but am I most patients?   The other frustration is that we are also told each person is different.  What I say is that each of us is blessed to have found a team of doctors that have been chosen just for ME.  Your team does understand your concerns, but please be willing to share how you are feeling.

     

        On another note, I had the maximum number of radiation treatments and never blistered.  I did get red and sore as the treatments progressed, and like you, went through treatment in June and July.  I stayed in as much as possible from the summer sun, and moisturized as much as possible.  If it helps, I used only Dove soap and Cetaphil for a moisturizer.

    peace and prayers,

    Kathy

  • PamC
    PamC Member Posts: 9
    #4
    I lingered on the dark side a

    I lingered on the dark side a lot. I'm new to this group and had just finished my treatment for colorectal and breast cancer (two primary cancers). I wasn't mean to anyone at any point of treatment, but I was miserable. During my five months of chemo, I didn't want to see anyone or do anything and didn't. I also HATED when someone told me to be grateful that I was alive or to say be positive because that was the best thing for healing. It felt like it was minimizing how emotional and physically awful cancer was and didn't want to hear it. Cancer puts us on a crazy ride with doctors talking fast, surgeries, chemical overloads and makes it impossible to live a peaceful life. I didn't mind my dark side and embraced it. I felt I had the right to be sad and angry. I watched TV and slept for the better part of a year. I never stopped fighting, but my dark feelings were my truths about my cancers and the process. After a long terrible year, I am finally grateful and happy to begin living my life again, cancer free. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember we all handle things in our own ways. 

    PS....I found Ativan worked great for me on those darker than usual days. 

  • RuthieL
    RuthieL Member Posts: 4
    #5
    Teach76 said:

    Anxiety and treatment

    hi, Ruthie

     

         Each of us has been where you are at some point during treatment.  I am glad to see that you started a grateful list, and you can count all of us in!  I found the “unknown and untold” to be extreme concerns.  Although we are given a wealth of information, it does not always touch on our innermost concerns.  Yes, we understand that “most patients . . .” , but am I most patients?   The other frustration is that we are also told each person is different.  What I say is that each of us is blessed to have found a team of doctors that have been chosen just for ME.  Your team does understand your concerns, but please be willing to share how you are feeling.

     

        On another note, I had the maximum number of radiation treatments and never blistered.  I did get red and sore as the treatments progressed, and like you, went through treatment in June and July.  I stayed in as much as possible from the summer sun, and moisturized as much as possible.  If it helps, I used only Dove soap and Cetaphil for a moisturizer.

    peace and prayers,

    Kathy

    Anxiety

    Thanks for the encouraging words, Kathy!  So glad to hear a positive story about radiation.  It sounds like some people have had such a terrible time.

     

  • RuthieL
    RuthieL Member Posts: 4
    #6
    Teach76 said:

    Anxiety and treatment

    hi, Ruthie

     

         Each of us has been where you are at some point during treatment.  I am glad to see that you started a grateful list, and you can count all of us in!  I found the “unknown and untold” to be extreme concerns.  Although we are given a wealth of information, it does not always touch on our innermost concerns.  Yes, we understand that “most patients . . .” , but am I most patients?   The other frustration is that we are also told each person is different.  What I say is that each of us is blessed to have found a team of doctors that have been chosen just for ME.  Your team does understand your concerns, but please be willing to share how you are feeling.

     

        On another note, I had the maximum number of radiation treatments and never blistered.  I did get red and sore as the treatments progressed, and like you, went through treatment in June and July.  I stayed in as much as possible from the summer sun, and moisturized as much as possible.  If it helps, I used only Dove soap and Cetaphil for a moisturizer.

    peace and prayers,

    Kathy

    Anxiety

    Thanks for the encouraging words, Kathy!  So glad to hear a positive story about radiation.  It sounds like some people have had such a terrible time.

     

  • RuthieL
    RuthieL Member Posts: 4
    #7
    PamC said:

    I lingered on the dark side a

    I lingered on the dark side a lot. I'm new to this group and had just finished my treatment for colorectal and breast cancer (two primary cancers). I wasn't mean to anyone at any point of treatment, but I was miserable. During my five months of chemo, I didn't want to see anyone or do anything and didn't. I also HATED when someone told me to be grateful that I was alive or to say be positive because that was the best thing for healing. It felt like it was minimizing how emotional and physically awful cancer was and didn't want to hear it. Cancer puts us on a crazy ride with doctors talking fast, surgeries, chemical overloads and makes it impossible to live a peaceful life. I didn't mind my dark side and embraced it. I felt I had the right to be sad and angry. I watched TV and slept for the better part of a year. I never stopped fighting, but my dark feelings were my truths about my cancers and the process. After a long terrible year, I am finally grateful and happy to begin living my life again, cancer free. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember we all handle things in our own ways. 

    PS....I found Ativan worked great for me on those darker than usual days. 

    The dark side

    Thanks for making me smile, Pam.  :-)  "The dark side" is exactly how I feel.  I am trying to rally but it's just hard sometimes.  I will be so glad when all of these chemicals are out of my system!

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #8
    The Dark Side

    PamC, I feel the same way you do about people telling me to be positive because they really didn’t want to acknowledge the reality of the situation. I have also had a long year and have decided to throw in the towel on the last few months of treatment for triple positive BC. Now another 5 years of these horrible and debilitating aromatase inhibitors!  I would not take any sedatives or mood enhancers bacause my body was so filled with chemicals that I just couldn’t add another one. It feels never ending and the pains now from the AI is robbing me of any quality of life in my remaining years.  We do the best we can with each day and some days are better than others, but life will never be the same. 

  • Kat1962
    Kat1962 Member Posts: 26
    #9
    PamC said:

    I lingered on the dark side a

    I lingered on the dark side a lot. I'm new to this group and had just finished my treatment for colorectal and breast cancer (two primary cancers). I wasn't mean to anyone at any point of treatment, but I was miserable. During my five months of chemo, I didn't want to see anyone or do anything and didn't. I also HATED when someone told me to be grateful that I was alive or to say be positive because that was the best thing for healing. It felt like it was minimizing how emotional and physically awful cancer was and didn't want to hear it. Cancer puts us on a crazy ride with doctors talking fast, surgeries, chemical overloads and makes it impossible to live a peaceful life. I didn't mind my dark side and embraced it. I felt I had the right to be sad and angry. I watched TV and slept for the better part of a year. I never stopped fighting, but my dark feelings were my truths about my cancers and the process. After a long terrible year, I am finally grateful and happy to begin living my life again, cancer free. Don't be so hard on yourself and remember we all handle things in our own ways. 

    PS....I found Ativan worked great for me on those darker than usual days. 

    Dear Pam C,l

    Dear Pam C,l

    You put into words my exact feelings.  I'm stage 4 - terminal - and I still don't have a grip on that, or what it means.  I'm gonna die, but don't know when.  I'm lucky the drugs I'm on have little side effects and I'm able to continue my life as usual, for the most part.  No masectomy, no surguries - horse has left the barn, the ship has sailed.   I appreciate all the nicities that people give to me, the well meaning wishes.  But it really comes down to this:  NO ONE KNOWS what to do, what to say, how to feel.  It's just awkward at times.  I think honesty is the best thing.  SAY - "Hey friend, I really don't know what to say - this must suck so bad and anything I do may be good or may not be helpful at all - but I just want you to know - I care and think about you."  Something like that.  It's not like the person who got the cancer, knows more than the friend.  We're all in this mess together.  Ugh.  Ugh.  Ugh.  

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    edited June 2018 #10
    The struggles are real...

    This is a great place to express yourself.  We hear it, we feel it, we empathize with you.  This is not only a complete attack on the physical it is on the emotional as well.  In order not to punch people in the face, had to go on meds.  Just a little bit of a low dose saved many a life. 

    I am 2 yrs out now from the d-day and still healing, still dealing with the aftermath and I plan to stay on those meds.    I have learned alot about myself and some of it...not too pretty.  I think, I hope and pray, as time goes by, I will come to terms with many things. 

    No matter what, I will continue to look for the silver lining of ea. day. for my sake.  Surround myself with positive energy.  Steer clear of drama.  Most of all, cut myself some slack and try try try again tomorrow. 

    Hugs,

    Annie

     

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    #11
    prayers to all

    yes we are all living our "new Normal" and I am one of those "be Positive" people as stated because I know things could be a lot worse and I am blessed and thankful and try to control and focus on what I can...(we all have our different opinions and body react to things different)

    HUGS AND LOVE TO YOU ALL!!!

    BEEPOSITIVE

  • [Deleted User]
    [Deleted User] Posts: 0 Member
    edited June 2018 #12
    anxiety

    Yes I struggle with anxiety issues, especially when I get stressed with too much on my plate at one time, makes it harder to cope.  So, I try to stay out of situations that I know will stress me out when possible, and I have to take things one day at a time now, rather than think too far ahead.  I do see a psychologist in same office as my oncologist, and it has really helped me, but I still have little anxiety attacks at times.  It has been 1 year since my diagnosis, and the mammo I just had shows no cancer, it has not come back, such a blessing.  Each breast cancer case is unique to that person and different, so we all have our different issues, and therefore different ways of coping.  God has blessed me with a good cancer team and a caring psychologist.  It really fills the bill for me.  God bless and take care!

    Cecelia

Discussion Boards