Surgery 2 years ago today

2 years ago today I spent the day in surgery after being diagnosed with a recurrence in March. I was not in a good place emotionally. A 3rd surgery, this one just months after aggressive chemo and the loss of one friend to cancer and one of my dearest friends to ALS just a few days prior. To be honest I had just about given up. 3 surgeries, 14 month of chemo, tests, scans, ports and loss all in 4 1/2 years. I was so tired of fighting. I was filled with grief. Not a good place to be when going into major surgery. 
I remember waking up after the surgery thinking it would be so easy to just slip away and stop fighting. Then I heard my friends voice. It might have had something to do with the morphine pump, but I like to think she looked down at me and was reminding me of a promise I made the last time I spoke with her. I heard her telling me to fight and live. To live the life she couldn't. I never broke a promise to her in life, I  was not about to start then. I began healing, physically much faster than emotionally, but the healing began. Today. 2 years later instead of having surgery I am packing to go back to Costa Rica in a few days. Blessed to have 6 weeks in my happy place. The 2 years of life post surgery have been a gift. Worth fighting for. I am living. I still have difficult days. I still have days when my strength falters. When I question and worry about what comes next. All those "what ifs" we all are so familiar with. Especially at testing time. I still grieve for my friend but her words give me strength when I need them most. 
So today, I am grateful to not be in surgery, I am blessed to have had my friend in my life. I am grateful to be alive. I am so fortunate to have a village of friends and family who love and support me. I am grateful I didn't give up. I am really grateful to not be in surgery and recovery today. Even with the morphine pump.

Blessings all, Never stop believing in yourself. 

MAlice