Irrational thoughts...

Brock,

--for any problems down the road are very very small. with such a small tumor. They are not going to change by worrying. When I was nephed 15 and 1/2 years ago my doctor said I will die of something else. Still looks that way. Start enjoying life again. You should have a good 30 or 4o more years to go.

icemantoo

I had a complete neph in mid February - my tumor was 3.3 cm (actually smaller than we originally thought).  It's completely normal to be scared of every ache and pain you have and to think the worse - so don't feel alone there.  I'd say 95% (if not more) of us on this board do (or did) the same thing at first.  Everything I've read and pretty much everyone who comments here agrees that with tumors our size, we have about as good of a prognosis as there can be.  Keep that in your mind.   Also know that if something DOES happen to pop up, it's going to be caught very early.  My fears of that happening pop up more than I thought they would, but read more posts on this board.  People have been making it for years when mets pop up.  For both of us, I pray that won't be the case - but if so, it's not as dire as you may think.

Hang in there, my friend.  Enjoy life.  To me, everything seems different now.  I was listening to birds this morning - REALLY listening for the first time in I don't know how long.  We have a brand new shot - don't let fear of something that may never happen hinder you from life.  And keep reading this board - it's a Godsend for folks like you and I.

Best wishes - hang in there  - try to think positive! 

Jim

Most of us probably find ourselves fixating on every little ache & pain, thanx to a cancer diagnosis.  I try to ask myself, is this how I would have reacted prior to cancer?  In most cases my answer is no.  Sometimes that helps get my thought processes back in line, other times, if I'm honest, yea, not so much.  Be specific with your doctors as to what will ease your mind.  If you need a test to give you peace, ask for it.

Best wishes, praying for you,

Donna~

I can so relate to whatyou are saying. Please listen to the above advice, It has been a year and a half for me and I have had my fourth six month follow up and it was clear. I still worry a lot but it is getting better! You're in my thoughts, sir. God bless you

Yes.. Brock... you are not the only one. I struggled alot during the first 6 months.... but now things are getting more organised.

We can't change the fact we had it. So, do what you can to prevent the recurrence starting with finding the right diet and new lifestyle that suit you. From there, you will be more and more confident and less worries. 

Just like Steve said.... 

Be more good to yourself and live happily......

Brock, We can all relate, I am sure of it. For me, so far, I haven't really had time to worry JUST yet. I'm a few weeks post surgery now, had a 12 cm tumor and a very aggressive, fast acting cancer. They hope they got it all. This week I have a scan to find out. For some reason I'm not freaking out. I don't know why. I guess I feel lucky to even have survived the 10 hour surgery, where I lost all my own blood and had to have all new with transfusions. It all seemed surreal. Now I'm just getting cranky so maybe that means healing. Someone said in a post to me that she looks at every day that she wakes up as a "bonus." I kind of like that and it has helped me on many days here. I hope maybe anything I said might encourage you. I hope so! Hang in there and we're here for you. Thank you for being here for us, too!

Brock1969 said:

Wow Joey...

You had some major stuff!! I truly hope they got that entire sucker out. I really have been set straight by people on this board. I actually feel guilty that my situation is genrally much less severe that most on here and I was just having a very insecure day I guess. But then again, everyone is here to help and boy do they ever. I am glad you found a calm about you. It's weird how those moments of spirituality and calm just come over us and with people on this board. I had a saying at the start of this: "this may not be the challenge I wanted, but it is the right challenge for me." Enjoy the bonus day, and to tomorrow's, and the day after that....

Oh, no, Brock....no feeling guilty, please! No one's situation is any less than anyone else's on here. I would sure never want to imply that. Fear of this monster is just what it is, for all of us. You're entitled to have your meltdown or bad days, too. As you already know, and I've just discovered, everyone here is so kind-hearted and quick to lend help and support. 

Now after I said all I did before, this week was meltdown time for me. The "Why me" and "It's not fair!" and "I didn't ask for this!" I felt like a little kid throwing a tantrum that one day. At least I was hiding in the bathroom so my husband wouldn't have me committed. 

I guess, after thinking about your post for many days now, that it is just that the basics have stayed the same. We wake up and do our stuff throughout the day, and not much changes. It's just knowing the monster inside can rear up, or it can return with a vengeance at any time. The not knowing, and the wishing for it to stay away and let us be normal again - this part is hard. 

Hope any of this makes sense but it's how I feel. I sure wish you well and hope things are going a little easier.

Another thing I do is just sit and read posts here and on Smart Patients and I see folks who are so much worse off than I am! I'm just amazed at people's strength sometimes, while I don't think I have that myself.

Take care, my friend. You're gonna be ok.

Oh, and I have my very first post-surgery CT Scan today. Keep everything crossed they don't find any "leftovers" in there that we don't want. They were not sure they got it all from surgery since it had spread so much. I think they did, but we'll see! I feel so lucky we have such great medical care now as compared to the 1960's when I first learned of cancer and lost many friends to it.