The "new normal"

I'm scheduled for my first surgery this Tuesday, complete hysterectomy, debulking, lymph node removel then chemo.  Hopefully the lymph nodes in my groin can be surgically removed otherwise I will have chemo first to shrink the nodes near a large ligament, then surgery.  I have prepared myself that I won't ever be the same.  I'm USC Stage 4B and the way I feel right now is the best I will ever feel again.  I questioned myself over and over, "why have chemo and possibily radiation when it's going to make me feel worse?"  I just don't want to have any regret when it's too late for treatment and then ask myself over and over, "why didn't I at least try?"  My heart goes out to those who still struggle with side effects, months/years after treatment, no one signs up for that when trying to think positive, but because women like you here, who share your stories, your REAL life stories, you are helping women like me with keeping the good and bad in perspective.  If I don't end up with debilitating side effects after treatment, that's a great thing, but if I do, I know that I'm not alone. *hugs*    

It's really hard for me to define my new normal, although I'm changed from my cancer experience.  It's been 8 years, and I still get paranoid about any minor ache and pain, or just before my labs or appointments.  But it is hard for me to know what is due to aging, to radiation, to chemo, to hereditary (e.g., arthritis, bad teeth, vision, overweight) and to the fact I had cancer.  I know time seems much more valuable now, but maybe that would be the case anyway, as I experience life's lessons.  After treatment it took a couple years to get my gasto/guts working like I remember, so some healing definintely takes quite a while.  While never an athlete, I'm definitely more active than I used to be, doing a lot more walking.  My new normal is just my normal, in that I just keep plugging along.  

I think I am more aware of cancer in general, and the feelings it involves - I feel really bad when I hear about anyone who has not overcome the cancer stuggle, and wonder if everyone is getting the best resources geographically.  I know I was extremely lucky, and still am, to even be here, given my rare and aggressive cancer form.

I do know that there are great people out there, real inspirations, and this network illustrates that so well.

I embrace all of you!

Yup, it gets better.  Imodium didn't help me much, I think plain old time was my best healer.  

Keep on hoping, that is your best bet, and do know that you have a kindred spirit  :0)

Susan