remove post please

Im Catholic as well.  But your reasoning is way off.  Especially the last line where you say:

"..I won't do it if my heart is still filled with hate because I think God knows what's in your heart if you
do something like that, and if he exists, I can't image he could refuse my reasoning."

You say "if he exists" and earlier you say "..please keep in mind I'm a strict Catholic".  The two comments
dont go together.

You have to start talking to your siblings and let them know you how your feeling.  If a therapist
doesnt work out, find another one.  I lived with a depressed, angry, suicidal spouse for years.  Its not
easy.  As a caregiver, I was absolutely overwhelmed with taking care of my wife.  You are very much
burned out and I get that, but find another therapist and start getting the help you need.

Also, print out what you wrote and re-read it in a few days or a month as objectively as you
can.  Try to read what you wrote as an outsider reading what someone else wrote.  Its good that you wrote down
your feelings, but read through it again as an outsider trying to help that person.