Freaking out

Scubajoe
Scubajoe Member Posts: 39 Member
in Anal Cancer #1

So I met with my doctor for a DRE 3 month out.  He still felt some residual stuff present same as in the two month exam.  He had me meet with the surgical oncologist so she could do a biopsy scheduled for next Tuesday.  She said it could be scar tissie but she has seen cases where there was suspicious areas that came back negative and smooth areas that looked like nothing was there that came back positive.  if the canver is still present they can wait a couple more months to see if the radiation effects would still kill it all but if not then it would mean surgery with a permanent ostomy.  I know I am getting ahead of myself but it's impossible not to think about what if.  I know a lot of people live normal lives with colostomy bags but to think I went through all the chemo and radiation just to have it not work?  I am beside myself and kinda freaking out.

Comments

  • eihtak
    eihtak Member Posts: 1,473 Member
    edited March 2018 #2
    Scubajoe....

    I so wish there was an anxiety off switch we could press, because once it enters it is a beast to kick out the door! I am sorry you now have this on your mind, really I am. It just plain sucks, I know.

    Take a big deep breath and allow yesterdays positive attitude to come back.

    You likely are right in that you are getting way too far ahead of yourself and focusing on the wrong "what if"  What if the treatment "DID" work??? (And for what its worth, I bet it did)

    Please please please do not dwell on the ostomy issue until you need to. That being said, I myself have lived an active happy life with such so only "IF" it becomes necessary I'll share with you any advice and tips to help. Don't feel that the chemo and radiation was useless because I had surgery for my ostomy prior to beginning the chemo and radiation which is usually given with not instead of anyhow. (My ostomy was supposed to be reversed 6 1/2 years ago but due to permanent scarring issues it was not anticipated to have a good outcome so decided to learn to LIVE with it. And, I do.

    What works for one does not always seem the way for others...but when I am anxious, I pray. I have a card that reads "God loves the sound of your voice. Always. God doesn't delay. He never places you on hold or tells you to call again later. He hears you, so let your requests be made known to Him." Peace happens when people pray.

    Know that you, Joe, will be in my thoughts and prayers that you find health and calm in your life.

    katheryn

     

  • Dodiefae
    Dodiefae Member Posts: 41 Member
    #3
    Scubajoe .

    My surgeon still felt something 6 months after the end of my treatment and you could see it on the monitor when the scope was put inside.  They finally scheduled a surgical biopsy and beforehand, I posted a comment very similar to yours as my surgeon did not appear optimistic (to me).  Fortunately there was no sign of metastatic cancer.  I continue to have biopsie, CAT scans, MRIs etc. a few months later.

    Like Katheryn says, our minds tend to skip to the worse case scenario and it's hard to get it out of one's mind.  Take some deep breaths!   (Also, be prepared for leakages after the surgical biopsy.)

    I'll be thinking of you.

    Dodie

  • mp327
    mp327 Member Posts: 4,440 Member
    #4
    Scubajoe

    Please don't go there until you get there, as they say.  Lots of us have experienced this same fear after getting an exam with it turning out to be scar tissue and nothing more sinister.  I wish you all good news on the biopsy.

  • Jane s
    Jane s Member Posts: 77 Member
    #5
    It's so easy

    It's so easy to freak out.   The fear is always waiting,  and will take over if we let it.   some days are harder than others.   I find this site to be the most helpful thing to alleviate the anxiety.   Try to keep in mind how treatable this cancer is,  and that living with a colostomy bag is still living.   You have all our support. 

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