Pancreatic cancer- stage 4

Bellapaloma said:

New to online forums

Hi there. I am not sure how this works, but I am finally so exhausted that I decided to seek some community. My x-husband was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer at Christmas. I have 2 teenaged boys (16 and 19) who were with him in the ER when diagnosed. I am all he has here and I am trying to protect my kids from having to be the caretaker. We had one major scare from a complication from a bowel obstruction and had a serious bipass surgery. We then had a 3 month reprieve from crisis, as the chemo has shrunk the liver tumors considerably. 3 weeks ago they discovered that the pancreative tumor had grown a little and created a block in his bile duct. It has been in and out of the ER and the hosptial since then. I am heading to the cancer center with him in an hour. It's non stop worry and exhaustion. I obviously don't live there and wake up every day wondering if he is okay. I worry about this impact this is making on my poor children, one off at college and constanting under the cloud of what is happening at home. 

There is the begining of my story. Living with a cancer that you know has no cure and creates awful complications along the way. I would be interested in hearing about your expereince.

 

Our family made things easier by using FB Messenger as a group message, just for close family.  That way, we didn't have to text something five or ten times.  It was a big help. If one person didn't feel like commenting at that moment, it was OK -- they could comment later.  Or not.  We could also send each other photos and website links that way. It lifted the load quite a bit for all of us. 

Have you asked your son who's still at home how he's feeling about this and to what extent he wants to be involved in caregiving? It's probably overwhelming for him, just like it's probably overwhelming for everyone involved.  If your son is in the loop and allowed to make decisions to the best of his ability (reassuring him that the best anyone can do at any one time is make decisions to the best of their ability), that can probably go a long way.  The same goes for your son who's off at college. 

I know it's hard to do and very easy to say, but your non stop worry and exhaustion is not going to help you, your ex-husband, or your kids. Try to deal with the stuff that IS, rather than the stuff that MIGHT (or of course might not) BE. You need your sleep.  Also, speak with the care team at the cancer center to see who and what they have to provide support for caregivers and family. 

All the best -- we're here on the forums --

Jerzy

Unfortunately I watched my dad pass of lung cancer at the age of 65, two years later i helped care for my mom as she too passed from lung cancer at the age of 65, then about four years ago I helped care for my sister as she passed away from liver cancer at the age of 54. Now after being married to my husband for 8yrs we find out he has a low density mass on his pancreas and needs to go for further testing. I can't imagine having to go through this again!! I was extremely close with my mom, i was also very close to my sister, who was also like a second mother to me, now news that my husband (and best friend) might also be taken away from me! Has anyone else gone through this as many times and if so how did you cope??