Wits end

Jwisch2 · January 2018

First of all this is my first time posting but I have been reading thru these for 9 months and found it incredibly helpful. Now my husband was diagnosed with sinonasal cancer in April. Surgery followed by 7 weeks of chemo and radiation and continuing infusions 3 times a week into October a hour and a half away. New spot found in the head in October and surgery to remove it. Spot on sternum removed in December. last week they found cancer in the original spot again and surgery can’t take it out and radiation isn’t a option. We may be looking int hospic. Needless to say we are both devastated. Now on to my selfish rant. He checked out the first day he was diagnosed. He has no interaction with our daughter and if he does he is incredible mean. I have 2 jobs, take care of our daughter and run him to all his appointments and take care of house. And on top of it he has spent every day overmedicated and smoking pot. He is angry and out of his mind half the time. I have brought up my issues with the oncologist and was told maybe I should talk to someone. This is after finding him passed out in a lawn chair at 1 in the morning in the rain and him being unable to even remember leaving the house. Now since getting this news it has gotten even worse. He has been completely out of his mind. It reminds me of being with a blacked out drunk when he has been overmedicating. I have taken his keys and all the ammunition out of the house which turned into a huge fight with him punching walls and finding a spare set of his keys I forgot about and taking off. Called his parents and the police were contacted and he no longer has a truck. I called the oncologist office to let them know of this behavior and they wanted to see him but he refuses to go. Got him to the cabin for the night and he has calmed down but can’t even admit to any wrong doing. I guess I am going to have to call 911 next time. I can’t leave our daughter here half the time because she is scared of him. All his old family members he partied with 20 years are showing up now and getting him worked up and messing up my house. Have asked them to leave him be for now. I find myself so angry with him I don’t know how I can ever get over it. I just keep eating *hit and dealing with it because I don’t know how much time he has left. Contemplating looking into a hospice house even though I never wanted to do that.

Catholic · January 2018

I was in the same situation.

I was in the same situation. My wife was awful to be around. She called the police on me 12-15 times (I lost track).
She started off accusing me of beating the kids and then the accusations just keep growing. I was at my wits end. Eventually
my wife got an apartment and then there was peace in our house. My wife, who was an angry person for years, gave me
a hug the day she left for the apartment which was her only sign of affection for probably 4 years.

See if your husband will get an apartment. If not an apartment, a hospice house will give you peace as well. You have to do
something. You mentioned a "cabin". If its a separate residence and the kid(s) are staying with you, see if he will stay at that
separate residence.

Jwisch2 · January 2018

Catholic said:
I was in the same situation.
I was in the same situation. My wife was awful to be around. She called the police on me 12-15 times (I lost track).
She started off accusing me of beating the kids and then the accusations just keep growing. I was at my wits end. Eventually
my wife got an apartment and then there was peace in our house. My wife, who was an angry person for years, gave me
a hug the day she left for the apartment which was her only sign of affection for probably 4 years.

See if your husband will get an apartment. If not an apartment, a hospice house will give you peace as well. You have to do
something. You mentioned a "cabin". If its a separate residence and the kid(s) are staying with you, see if he will stay at that
separate residence.

The cabin is his parents and

The cabin is his parents and he could gladly stay there but it is two hours away and I’m not sure he is capable of taking care of himself and I think his parents are tired of dealing with him too. I am just trying to get thru to his pet scan next week and see if they can give us more of a time frame. I just feel so sorry that if it’s come to the end that this is how he has chosen to spend the last of his time, alienating the few people around him that have been there taking care of him.

Catholic · January 2018

Jwisch2 said:
The cabin is his parents and
The cabin is his parents and he could gladly stay there but it is two hours away and I’m not sure he is capable of taking care of himself and I think his parents are tired of dealing with him too. I am just trying to get thru to his pet scan next week and see if they can give us more of a time frame. I just feel so sorry that if it’s come to the end that this is how he has chosen to spend the last of his time, alienating the few people around him that have been there taking care of him.

I think what your going

I think what your going through is normal. I experienced the same thing with my wife. She rejected everyone. And
I mean everyone. We went to visit her family and she yelled at her sister, the aunt, her parents who are both still
married and still alive, cousins...everyone. She wagged her finger at them all and told them to stuff it. We visited her
family for a month and when we returned home, she yelled at me.

First off, try to ignore the criticism from your spouse. My wife accused me of every bad thing you can imagine and called the cops on
me way to many times. Second, try to get him to stay at the parents cabin. It gives you a breather and time to collect
yourself. Pack him some dinners and lunches and let him stay at the cabin for a week and visit him on weekends. Also,
try to find time for yourself. Exercise, sleep, anything to rebuild yourself.

Wits end

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