Tamoxifen & Sex Drive???

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  • DW1965
    DW1965 Member Posts: 1
    edited November 2016 #22
    Husband's Point of View

    I start this post in a place of sadness. My wife 55 years old went through a double mastectomy 8 month ago. Tamoxifen prescribled for the next 10 years.

    The true sadness is that this drug has taken away all of my wife's joy. Even sadder is that this drug has made her believe that she can't be a "full partner" in our relationship together. With the "guilt" of this feeling, she feels the need to be alone and not pulling on anyone or feeling pressure from anyone.

    Husbands, Partners and Friends... When your wife, partner or friend is in this place, be the ultimate support. Give space but also be clear that you are not going anywhere other than to be there when they need you.

    Sometime it is best, but also incredibly difficult, to be the best of who we can be. Allow space and give all your love and energy to the woman you love to heal.

    It's not about you. Their lost is beyond anything we can imagine, no matter the lost you may feel.

     

     

  • jorola
    jorola Member Posts: 243 Member
    edited November 2016 #23
    that is the sweetest most loving post

    i have ever read. thanks for sharing that!

  • david54
    david54 Member Posts: 164 Member
    #24
    When my wife was diagnosed

    When my wife was diagnosed with sarcoma about a year ago, the stress and pain killed her sex drive. She always felt guilty about it. I understood. What is most important to me is that I know she still loves me and I love her! She is now down to about 60 pounds, the end could come any week now. No food of any kind for 10 days -sips of water and 7-UP, that's all. She is and always will be, my Bride.

    And, all of you, ALL of you ladies that are suffering with this awful disease, I want you to know, you have my utmost caring and compassion. You are all beautiful

  • cittykitty
    cittykitty Member Posts: 1
    edited July 2017 #25
    Jane 6756 said:

    Only part of me survived cancer
    Yes, it's always the same sense isn't it? We're so lucky to be alive that it seems almost mean-spirited to carp about the facets of us, the parts of our lives that didn't survive the treatment of cancer.

    Even more trivial when we lament the loss of libido. As far as I'm concerned my loss of libido means that only a facsimile of my former self survived cancer. I can take the pain in my breast, armpit and arm. I can handle the fatigue. But I now realise that I cannot tolerate being an asexual being. My partner and I used to have wonderful, joyous, exhilarating sex. Now we have sex and I'm planning what to wear the next day when I go to a meeting. I feel like a cross between a six year old girl or a ninety-nine year old woman. I must be a bit slow on the uptake because it's taken me about four years to face all this. Initially I just thought: this is post-cancer, all will be well when I finish chemo, or radiation or whatever. Now I know it will never be better. I've been de-sexed. Neutered. I've read the posts about how wonderful it is to satisfy one's husband without feeling desire and without feeling orgasmic pleasure. My husband never needed or wanted sex as much as I did prior to my breast cancer. Now I feel resentful that he desires me and I can't reciprocate. I haven't told him the whole truth. Just that my libido had diminished somewhat. I think he was almost relieved.

    If this is it, if I have to stare into the dark abyss of a future without any interest in the lifegiving force of sex, I can't cheer the fact that I'm still alive. Sounds petty and ungrateful? Perhaps it is. But I'm not still alive. Whoever is walking around with my name and in my body, she isn't me. She's a very shoddy version of me.

    Yes, I do have lots of things in my life besides my libidinous urge. And no, nothing compensates for its loss. It really annoys me that all the literature and so-called support groups operate on that pretext: don't complain about loss of libido, you haven't lost your life. At the risk of being far too repetitive, life is not only about being able to breathe in and out. I lost my life and the one I now have is not even one-dimensional.

    You put so eloquently what I am feeling

    I know this is an old post, but I just found it while researching tamoxifen. You describe so completely what I am feeling. Thank you. Smile

  • trak 2
    trak 2 Member Posts: 2
    #26
    No libido

    Chemo and radiation for breast cancer ended almost a year ago, I have been on Tamoxifen since then. So very glad that I found this site! While the hot flashes are bothersome, I miss sexual desire the most. Yes, I realize that preventing a possible recurrence is truly far more important but I miss the me that I was before!!!! I hate feeling Nothing concerning sex and I am so looking forward to getting off of this medication! It is really nice to be able to come here to share with others who have been thru alot of the same stuff concerning this monster. <3

  • HHandbasket
    HHandbasket Member Posts: 1
    #27
    More like Tamoxifen OR sex drive

    I'm 1.5 years into a 5 year course. I had radiation in Fall 2016 after 2 surgeries (1 limpectomy where they found a "surprise" and a second to clean up the margins). I was terrified of this drug and it took me a month to actually start it. So far so good except for the mild insomnia, gut and aboslutely zero sex drive. I'm so glad I found this thread because I thought it was just me. Misery loves company, right?  My husband is understanding and also EDS and on anxiety meds  so we are not the fun couple when it comes to sex. I hate it! 

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