Dad has colorectal cancer; I need moral support

Mikenh said:

i'm sorry that you had to

i'm sorry that you had to come to this board with such a difficult situation.

On your question about speed of spread: most of the colorectal cancer cases that I've read about are fairly slow-moving so that the treatment process feels like it's relatively slow. That said, there are a few known mutations or conditions where it can move aggressively like BRAF V600E. Cancer tumors can grow pretty quickly (I had one in me and I felt that I could feel it growing and was really worried that it would create a blockage soon if the treatments didn't start working).

The folks here either have cancer, had cancer or have/had loved ones with cancer. From my perspective with cancer, I'd want to know what I have and the prognosis so that I could get my affairs in order to help minimize problems for my family when I'm gone. And then spend the remaining time as productively (and that can include having fun) as possible.

There are clinical trials out there for various cancer mutations but it would help to know what the gene and mutation are that are the root of the cancer. Unfortunately, this can take some time to get a biopsy and then get the biopsy processed by pathology and then into the appropriate clinical trial which might also be some distance from your home. Cancer is horrible, horrible stuff.

 

Thank you Mike! The problem in our case is that it spread so quickly that we did not get time to do anything. The process might have started long time ago but since there were no symptoms we did not know what was going on inside him. Anyway, reading these messages gives me hope. Even if I cannot stop the disease progress, I will try to eliminate his pain as much as possible. Another discussion going on in our home right now is whether to continue giving him palliative support or not because with support he may live for a few more days but with pain. For example, my brother who is also a doctor noticed the thinning of blood. He thinks it's happening because liver is dying. He says this can result in vein rupture in his brain and causing paralysis. He says if we give him plasma infusion, we can control this problem but again shall we try to keep him alive or let the nature take its course and let him die peacefully. Difficult situation for us really! but I told him that i want to continue giving support for as long as needed. Thanks again!

airborne72 said:

So Sorry

Shamazz:

Let me begin by saying that I can not know your pain, only mine in a similar situation when my mother passed away from pancreatic cancer.  It hurt me deeply and I read that same depth of pain in your post as well.  Perhaps if I share my story then you might feel some solace regarding your father.

My mother was diagnosed in early June 2015 with inoperable pancreatic cancer.  She just woke up one day with jaundice and upon investigation it turned out that the tumor on the head of her pancreas was so large and invasive that it was blocking her bile duct, thus the jaundice.  She passed away on her birthday only 9 weeks later.  I was devasted and still greive. 

However, the passage of time has enabled me to accept it.  Not like it, just accept it. That passage of time has also given me a perspective about my mother, myself, others and life that I did not have prior.  I learned from her suffering and death and I am determined to "be a better person" as a result.

I come from a family of five children.  From the day of my mother's diagnosis until she passed, one of us was in her presence.  That became challenging since we were scattered across the country and all of us worked full time.  I assumed responsibility for making the schedule.  It was an extremely stressful time trying to juggle work, travel, finances, etc.  But the greatest stress was the slow, methodical loss of our mother.  Nothing we could do would abate the inevitable curse of cancer.  I lost weight just as you descibed.

Even in such a sad and hopeless situation (hospice care was wonderful but terminal illness was devastating) I learned from my mother's illness and passing.  During those short and heartbreaking weeks I learned more from my mother than I had in my previous 64 years, and what I learned was by her example.  What she did, and did not do, impressed me and has changed my demeanor.

I never heard my mother complain.  Never.  She remained positive and determined every moment of every day.  She was stedfast in her courage about the future and satisfied with her past.  She once said that obviously she had done something right to have five children who were so selfless and determined to help at all costs.  Always, without fail, she would thank us for all of the tasks we performed (feeding, bathing, dressing, bathroom, etc.) and then bless us with a kiss.

My mother was a member of the Greatest Generation.  The one that was born and raised in the Depression and then left high school to fight in WWII.  She was 20 years old, five months pregnant with my older sister and raising my one-year-old brother when my father went ashore in Normandy in June 1944.  That generation was tough, but also very appreciative, and my mother appreciated all that we did for her during her illness.

I lost my mother to cancer but I gained from her passing.  Your family may very well be in a similar situation.  My heart aches for you, your father and your family. 

I am on this forum because I have rectal cancer and I am currently going through chemo therapy.  So far, I have not been able to emulate my mother's example by being positive and determined and appreciative but I am trying.

Jim

Hi Jim,

Thanks for sharing your story and I am extremely sad to hear that you have rectal cancer but I would say please stay strong and don't lose hope. Enjoy each and every moment of life. I pray for your quick recovery and good health.

My dad passed away on Friday but I am ok now. I have finally accepted the fate. One good thing that calmed my nerves was that my dad stayed strong till the end. It was I who frequently broke down but he scolded me every time he saw me crying. I miss him and the life goes on ...

Regards and Best wishes,

Shamazz

ReeRee2 said:

So sorry about your dad.

My Dad passed away of cancer but not colon but bladder cancer. I drohim to treatments because hw wanted to live. He did radiation and chemo. he got so week that it was hard to get him to treatment.

i left to go see my daughter one weekend and my dad went into the hospital to never come out. His mouth sores took his life.

one day sitting in the oncologist office my dad pulled his wheelchair in front of me and said’ I would like Roy to speak at the funeral.i was taken back but said, yes we can do that. One of the things I did when I felt time was not on our side is I recorded him with me asking him questions. I even pulled out a box of pictures that I had him talk about. I am so thankful that I did that. 

My dad knew his time was near. I love going back and listening to him talk.

He fought hard for his family.

Now at 59 I have colon cancer and can relate to things he was having trouble with.

Love on your dad and ask questions you would like answered.

So sorry to hear about your dad! I sincerely pray to God to give you good health and lessen your pain. I hope you will recover quickly. Just one piece of advice, enjoy every moment of your life. Don't lose hope, stay strong and be thankful for everything. My dad who passed away on Friday, did not complain even once till the end and that has made me stronger. It was a lesson for me and I am proudly sharing it with the forum members. God bless everyone!

Regards

Lily Flower said:

So sorry to hear about your

So sorry to hear about your dad. That is so courageous of him wanting to donate his body for medical research. Sounds like your dad has accepted it. You can request FMLA from your job to care for him.  I know what you're going through, I have gone through that with both of my parents through hospice. It's a wonderful program with compassionate and empathetic medical team and its staff. It has been 14 years for my dad and almost 5 years (January) for my mom. They still send me holiday invitations and grieve get together events. All the best to you and your family! 

Thanks for your support Lily! My dad has passed away but I feel much stronger now. It was a life changing event for me. It's not that I did not understand life before but now I have a new meaning to life and will try to enjoy each and every moment left in my life. Thank you!!!

Regards

Shamazz