The hardest part

jfoster
jfoster Member Posts: 4
in Breast Cancer #1

I don't even know where to post this...my mother started with breast cancer (so post here right?) but then it spread to her bones and then to her liver....so I'll go with the beginning.

 

After 2 years of battling and being told she's terminal in Aug 2017, she gets a cold or something and loses her voice the day before Thanksgiving this year. This strong, loving woman...my mother...has no voice and I take her to ER the day after thanksgiving and they admitted her after an 8hr wait. From there...she went downhill. That saturday, we were told she had pneumonia.....wait, what? she was fine 4 days ago, just tired. Lets give her meds to make her get better...oh wait the meds haven't been processed properly by her liver (failing because of the cancer) which have now caused damage to the kidneys so now they are failing. The doctors tell us (after a week in the hospital) if kidney function doesn't improve in 24 hrs she doesn't have much time left with us here. So here I am, in shock. Kidneys didn't improve, body filling with amonia causing her to be delirious (although the conversations were interesting), and she can barely communicate. She was moved to hospice this past saturday.

 

So now every day I wake up- wishing I could go be with her and enjoy these final days, but I have to be at work. Because I'm a single mother with 2 kids and bills and no vacation days left. Both my brothers are there with her (plus numerous visitors coming and going all day). She's having bad days and good days. I get off work and head to get my kids and go stragight to the hospice home and spend 2 hrs there then go home (because my 2yo can't be quiet for anything). and repeat the next day. My nerves are shot, I have horrible anxiety, my fibromyalgia is flaring up, and my laundry...when do you have time to do laundry or go to the store when you only think about spending the last moments with your mother before she passes away.

 

Every day is a question--- is this the last day...was that the last kiss...was that the last hug....did I tell her I love her enough today...did I remember to hug her one more time.

 

What's harder...

knowing she's going to pass away soon....or the process of "waiting" when you know it's going to happen?

Comments

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #2
    Jfoster

    I just read this and I am so sorry. How is your Mom doing today?  It is very, very difficult to say goodbye to your Mom. I was also a single Mom and I understand not being able to be there 24/7.   You are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a horrible disease. Take very good care of yourself through this. You need to stay strong and well.

     

  • Beepositive
    Beepositive Member Posts: 259 Member
    #3

    Sorry to hear about your mom I know that is very dealing and stressful daily..try to focus on the good times and take it one day at a time!  also take care of yourself your mom will want you to do that ...PRAYERS AND BLESSING TO YOU YOUR MOM AND EVERYONE.

    HUGS TO YOU

    BEEPOSITIVE 

  • Apaugh
    Apaugh Member Posts: 850 Member
    #4
    prayers

    I understand, I thought I would go crazy over my mom.   My mother passed 6 yrs ago this past June and I miss her everyday.  I remember thinking did I say it all, did I do the right thing by her?  UGH, dont do this, dont beat yourself up.  Your mother knows you are trying your best.  Dont ever doubt that.  Cancer is a ****.

    Keeping you all in prayer for peace and comfort,

    Hugs,

    Annie

     

     

  • jfoster
    jfoster Member Posts: 4
    #5
    HapB said:

    Jfoster

    I just read this and I am so sorry. How is your Mom doing today?  It is very, very difficult to say goodbye to your Mom. I was also a single Mom and I understand not being able to be there 24/7.   You are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a horrible disease. Take very good care of yourself through this. You need to stay strong and well.

     

    She's doing okay today. She

    She's doing okay today. She actually grabbed her cell phone and called me this morning while I was on my way to work. It's very hard watching her go through this.

  • HapB
    HapB Member Posts: 527
    #6
    jfoster said:

    She's doing okay today. She

    She's doing okay today. She actually grabbed her cell phone and called me this morning while I was on my way to work. It's very hard watching her go through this.

    Jfoster

    My daughter was here to help me this past week. She lives and works 3 hours away. I can tell you that as a Mom, my main concern is her happiness and well being. I am sure your Mom feels the same way. For me,the worst part of my cancer is what it has done to her.  I am so sorry that you have to watch your Mom go through this. The best thing you can do for your Mom, is to take very good care of yourself and stay well.  That is what I told my girl too. Sending you prayers for strength and peace.  

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