Crying

My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 estrogen receptor breast cancer in July. It's been a rough road, my whole family is taking care of her, we are all in the same house, so whenever she needs someone, at least one of us is there. Shes not going to get better. For weeks she has been having these full on loud crying spells because of the pain any time day or night. And I mean sobbing, punctuated by 'oh God oh God' and sometimes 'i just can't take it anymore.' it kills me every time I hear it, and we have tried so many things to help, but there's absolutely nothing any of us can do. I feel like every time I hear her cry, a little piece of my personality dissolves and I'm becoming increasingly numb to it until all at once I break down and just don't want to do anything but sob all day. I have wonderful friends who take me out, to get a break, and I've got a loving family who really listen, but still, I just never want to come home because I will have to hear the crying. I would love for her to be cured and healthy again, but that is not an option. Her cancer is agressive and resistant to treatment, we've just started having hospice come in. It feels as if we are all stuck, just waiting for her to die, Trying to get some happy days in  with all the terrible ones. I dont want my mom to die, and I know I will miss her. But at the same time, I can't wait for all of this to be over.