Questions - My sister-in-law

Hello wmc,

      I am so sorry that you lost your brother.  It sounds like you were a great help to him during a time when he really needed support.  I do not know what type of NHL your sister-in-law had, but I can tell you the experience my husband had with stage 4 DLBCL NHL.  His cancer was very aggressive. He had testicular lymphoma and a large mass near the abdominal aorta.  He had surgery  to remove the testiclular mass, but the mass in the aorta could not be removed.  Please keep in mind that some types of lymphoma are not aggressive and do not require surgery.  My husband went through 6 rounds of chemo (RCHOP), 4 rounds of methotrexate intrathecally (in the spine).  His intrathecal treatments were administered to prevent the lymphoma from spreading to the central nervous system.  He did not have NHL in his bones or central nervous system.  He started losing his hair 20 days after his first round of RCHOP.  He lost all of his hair.  He had a PET scan along with a great many other tests before chemo and another PET scan after his fourth chemo.  He had 17 rounds of radiation after chemo and had another PET scan four months after his radiation was finished.  He had another PET scan five months later. I understand that some doctors like to limit the number of PET scans.  This was almost two years ago and he is in remission.  His doctor has never stated that he is cured.  Everyone is different and there are many different types of NHL and NHL treatments. I can only tell you about the our experience with RCHOP, methotrexate, and radiation.  Some types of chemo for NHL may not cause hair loss.  Perhaps, someone else can share their experience with a different type of NHL chemo. Try to take some comfort in the fact that you were a good brother and were there for him when he needed you.  I'm sure that was very difficult for you both physically and emotionally.  You don't sound cold, but you do sound tired. You have suffered a great many losses and that is emotionally draining.  My wish for you is that in time you will be able to remember your brother and the friends you've lost with more joy than pain.  I hope this helps you in some way.                       Simone

po18guy said:

Lymphoma is different

The staging is completely different from all other cancers. Stage IV does not mean marrow, bone, or any such involvement. It means that tumors are located both above and below the diaphragm, as well as at one or more sites outside of the lymphatic system. That could be a mass in the thorax, mediastinum, on or in an organ, or many other locations.

wmc,

You do not have a lot of detail regarding your sister-in-law's medical particulars, but what you do relate does not categorically indicate that she lied about a diagnosis.  Conversely, lying about a medical condition is not uncommon, usually done by persons with deep emotional os psychiatric troubles, seeking sympathy.   Many women cut off their hair in anticipation of cetain baldness.  You  state that she did not have a post-treatment PET scan. That WOULD be odd, but how do you know she didn't have one ?   Oncologists do use the word "cure" with patients some times, but in a qualified. layman's sense.  With Lymphomia or Leukemia, "cured" is equivalent to complete remission ("CR") or No Evidence of Disease ("NED").  Wonderful, but subject to change .   

If she did not wish to attend to your brother's sickness, there are much easier ways to do so than pretending to have Lymphomia.

You valiantly assisted your brother. You were a blessing to him.   He is now gone.  His wife (I would imagine) is no longer your concern.  If she spitefully ignored her husband, and faked an illness, that is on her.  But there is nothing you can or should do about it.

Quite possibly, you will never know the answer to her medial past.  Legally and morally, you have no right to her information.  And, she has the right to share or not share whatever she wishes with you.   Bu it does not matter.  If you find her offensive, forget about her and move on with your own life, proud of your own actions.   There is no healthy or beneficial reason to investigate what she did now,

max

My experience is with follicular non-hodgkins lymphoma. I had 6 cycles of chemo (R-CHOP) with a treatment ever 3 weeks. I'd say I was a wet dishrag at least 4 days. I was able to work most of the time but the big concern was being around people who were sick because the chemo knocks the white count down.  There were times when I went to the hospital I had to wear a face mask.

That said, reading your story I can understand why you would be suspicious. With her behavior and actions I would be too. If you do ask her about her cancer definitely ask her exactly whay kind she had. 

Reason I say this is I know someone whose mom has twice told her she had cancer. First time it was breast cancer but the Dr was just going to watch & wait. When I asked what kind of breast cancer she told me her mom didn't know. (Doesn't every victim of cancer know what kind?)  Several years later the mom claimed she had cancer in her back. Again did not know what kind. It's been over 10 years and her mom is still alive and I am not sure she ever got any treatments for her cancers. I used to talk to her mom but cut-off contact at least 10 years ago because of her behavior.

If you were to find out she really did have cancer would it change the relationship you have with her. If not, let it drop.