Husband lost it for the first time...wife with cancer

I don't think there is an easy answer to your quesiton.  Everyone handles their situation differently. 

One thing I did during treatment was to write everything down. Side effects, emotions, happy moments, sad moments, fears. Maybe that is something your husband could try. If he could write down his emotions, his fears, his hopes, and either share them with you, or review them himself. Sometimes seeing things written down can help. 

I think there is a mourning period, after diagnosis. Life as you know it has changed forever, and its important to come to terms with that and flow with the fear and emotions. 

Wishing you much luck. 

Tru

him losing it, in what way, getting mad or breaking down crying?   If it’s crying then he’s just upset his soulmate is going thru this and feels helpless and probable scared he can’t fill your shoes, getting mad means he’s more mad about the situation and it happening to his better half.  I’m going thru same thing... my wife has stage 4 colon cancer with liver Mets and best thing to do is he stand by you thru this and still treat you like before just a bit sick.  Try to still keep communication lines open and let each other know that you are both fighting this just not you.  What emotions you are both going thru is normal and having that solid relationship behind you both will help you both in long run.  Just like my wife, hope you get thru this and get better.  

Cancer puts an incredible amount of stress on the family and I'm the kind of guy that likes to be strong for others but it can be overwhelming at times. My wife has indicated to me that she's had a tough time of it as well with worry. We're older and have had to deal with difficult health issues with parents and with kids so we've had some experience but it's not the same with cancer in a spouse because you can work together on the other problems.

It might help if you had some resources from family or friends to help out with some of the responsibilities of parenting and other things to take some of the load off both of you. Or perhaps a support group or even social services assistance.

Sorry your husband is having a tough time dealing with your diagnosis. I totally understand, my husband went through similar emotions that he was having trouble expressing. I think that sometimes men think they are supposed to "fix" things and when they encounter something they can't fix, they are at a loss. Like someone else said, communication is key.

Best of luck to you.

Elen

needs to let it out every so often. My husband was stoic throughout my treatment. That was frustrating as well. I felt terrible when I lost it.

however, surprisingly we had several times when we chuckled together. Like the time right before getting my port out and feeling the "relaxation" drugs, I started talking about how I was not happy with the fact that radiation had such an effect on my private parts. It came out of nowhere and my husband had to laugh... which got me laughing.

Its a difficult road to travel on. You will have your ups and downs. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope you both find a way to lean on each other.

etaylor22 said:

Thanks for the ideas

You are all right.  It is a roller coaster, and I'm glad some of you said "the new reality" and "changed forever" because thats what I keep telling myself, but havent said outloud.  Next week a portion of my life will be forever gone.  Never like it used to be, even if fully recovered.  There are lasting effects that will be here forever.  I feel like I'm going to die next week, and I'll have to be a different person.  

He was better last night, but almost cold and in defensive mode.  Almost guilty for feeling pissed and crying the other night.  He is of the mindset that the strong man fixes things, and he can't fix this.  We have to trust people we wouldn't trust, and take pills and tretment that none of us would take if they didn't tell us that we would die otherwise.  But they are going to kill us just enough to have us live?  I'm not to acceptance yet.

I have started to document a few things, and when I suggested a few photos - like the first day of radiation - he refused.  I don't mean lcute selfies, I mean documentary style, and not overboard.  No thumbs up or signs, just a photo walking in or something.  If my kids lose me early in their lives, I would at least like them to know we tried, and did what we were told.  Now I'm going to have to either do the dreaded selfie, or take something without me in it.  Or ask the Rad Tech to do it, which I could, and probably will.   He doesn't want it burned into his memory, which I understand.

This really sucks.

I guess they call it a vlog.

I kept a video blog throughout my chemo treatments.  Anyway, looking back myself on the blog, is cathartic. I don't know if my kids will ever check out the videos when I'm gone, and thats fine. I did it mostly for myself. 

So, don't worry about wether its a selfie or not. Because you are going to survive this ordeal, it will be you looking back on them. 

Tru

Dear lost it, I know exactly what you are going through. Please read my story on my blog entitled

"How I Beat Stage Four Colon Cancer." I pray you find some peace from my experience.

God bless you and your husband. blessed39