non small cell lung cancer

Den Ohio said:

Yup, non small cell cancer is who I have become.

I am currently residing in the Hope Lodge in Cleveland Ohio being treated for this illness that has stolen all my smiles and all my joy. I have 5 weeks of chemo and radiation, currently in my 3rd week. I live 3 plus hours from the Cleveland Clinic where all the procedures are being done. Hope Lodge has graciously provided us a free room here. The biopsy’s have stolen my voice, the radiation has made eating horrible, the chemo has taken away my energy. I have simply become Cancer.  If and if is a big word somehow folks get thru all this stuff what life may be like? I know my new normal can never be what it was or even close. All I see if I live thru this and add any time is constant doctor visits and monitor my illness. I’d love to just be happy another day in my life. I know everyone’s doing the best they can. The doctors and everyone here are spectacular at what they do. I’m so grateful to have my team. But at the end of the day, I know my life is at high risk, my God seems to have left me, all my joy is gone, I never smile, I’m never happy, I just worry about everybody else going thru this. They want me to see a physcholoist so I guess I’ll go. Not sure what mind altering drug she can give me for hope, my bet is nope. Now I dont fear dying but but I do fear putting myself and everyone through this then dying. I just joined this site  and cancer is new to me so I wish not to offend anyone By saying something inappropriate on here.  I’m angry, I’m hurting, I wrote this mostly for me cause I don’t wanna share with family or friends. I feel like a total failure in all of this!

Den, I hve stage 4 NSCLC - I know exactly where you are right now. I also went through radiation and chemo that appeared to work well for the massive tumor on my chest. But now, a couple months after I had gone through that, I have to start the same thing with my adrenal glands which have been affected by the cancer. Yeah, hurt, angry, and in pain. Depressed, and ready to snap at a moments notice, even at those I love. But each morning I get up and try to meet the day with as positive attitude as I can put together, and think "This too will pass..." Hang in there brother, you are not alone for sure, and there will be good days, they won't all be bad.  Try to find a group where you are staying to sit and get it all off your chest, it will help. I'm sending prayers, and good vibes your way.

Joe