How cancer effects me!

           I have cancer in my body and my job is to keep it out of my spirit!  The shock of cancer can only be understood by those who have it.  I have known many who had cancer and felt empathy for them but did not get the gut-wrenching shock until my doctor said, “you have cancer!”  My mind went to almost shut down as he talked, and I am sure I heard little of what he had to say. The first impact of cancer was a profound loneliness and a guttery level of fear that I have never experienced.  

The early days of being diagnosed were a mess of ignorance and fear, two forces which can do a number on your mind and spirit. I could distract the fear though information, reading and talking with others. However, there were those times like sleepless nights or just a flash of the possible treatments that could send me into a tailspin. Sure, there was comfort in reading other guys success stories and with that come the unsuccessful stories which seemed to overwhelm the success stories. 

Cancer is a lonely disease.  Support groups, forums and the like take the edge off and there are just times that the Dis-Ease sets in in your heart and drags you down.  The other force which makes it so difficult is the slowness of treatment decisions and how the medical system moves.  I find it discomforting to hear “take you times, no rush, etc.”  While this is good advice to learn and understand your options, the fact that months must go by to get to a treatment decision is not comforting.  

Having cancer is a physical ailment and if I am not careful it will become a spiritual and mental ailment also.  This is when fear overwhelms logic and trust.  I have had hours of deep confusion and near despair because I let cancer get in my mind and in my spirit.  And those around me also suffer due to my discomfort.  

It is critical for me and those around me that I show up strong and ready to be the best I can be today with cancer.  I cannot change that fact, but I can choose how I show up today.  I cannot predict how my disease will manifest, how effective the treatment will be and what side effects will happen in the future.  But I can decide to be as healthy as I can be today. I can help those around me, be grateful for the life I have today. Yes, I can choose to be grateful with cancer!   I have already met dozens of guys who share the disease and we have laughed and worried together, have share advice and experiences, and shared hope and courage. 

As Movember approaches and our disease will get some awareness, I am committed to keeping my spirit grateful, to be clear about being the best I can be today, and to move forward on the cancer journey.