Possible Cancer

I am a 57 year old male. Smoked for about 18 years, but have recently quit. Have had kidney and prostate infections since I was in my 20's. Kidney stones came into play roughly 20 years ago. I have had blood in my urine many times while having kidney stones and when I had infections. In the past four or five months I have had issues with pain in my bladder, blood in my urine and blood clots in my urine. All this accompanied by burning when I urinate, feeling a urgent need to urinate, unable to empty my bladder and getting up in the night to urinate up to 15 times a night. After a Ultrasound, I was told I had multiple kidney stones, yet none were obstructing. The ultrasound did show a thickening in my bladder wall. The doctor, after analyzing the ultra sound decided to send me for bloodwork as well as a CT.

I went today for bloodwork and go for a CT on the 5th of May. Then meet with my Urologist. He hasn't said the "C" word, but I get the feeling, based on my recent issues compounded by the smoking, that bad news is on the horizon. I don't know how to prepare for this. I've read a bit and have looked at the statistics as well as at procedures that can be done slow or irradicate the cancer. Emotionally, right now, I'm doing pretty well, but mentally I'm running the halls screaming.

I've got hopes that it's just a wierdness in my bladder that can be changed with diet or even surgery. I always figured I would have lung cancer at some point because of my poor choice to pick up a cigarette. Little did I know how it truly effects every part of your body when you smoke. 

I'm just not ready for any of this. I don't know how to prepare for possible bad news. Just kind of numb. Is that normal?