Terrified of relapse!!!’ Opinions plz

First, do not think relapse since that is only a suspicion. Suspicions are not proof. Sometimes, they are not even evidence. Still, many many cancer patients do have relapses. They deal with them when and if they occur. I have relapsed twice, and mutated into two aggressive sub-types. My prognosis was so incredibly poor that there is not a word to describe how poor. I developed a secondary bone marrow cancer from treatment. I ask: So what? I am still alive, still happy to be alive and living the life I have been given - a day at a time.

You do not have cancer (again) until a pathology report says you have cancer. Enjoy today, as your greatest risk is driving to see doctor!

Peace and good!

Commit yourself to never be "terrified"! That only gives power to the disease. To be terrified means, at some level, to cower in a corner. Never! Rather, any cancer, or any relapse is the bully who just entered the room. Even though we may not be natural fighters, the fight has been brought to us. So, we stand and fight!

Why?

Love. We must always bear in mind that love is the greatest force on this earth - even though it rarely makes headlines. We love others and they love us. That is why we stand and fight.

Never panic. Never give up. Life is worth living.

Wondering what you are doing to deal with the anxiety? Many therapists are stressing counseling rather than anti-anxiety drugs - which is a better solution, actually. First things first, as no one has told you that you have cancer - you only suspect it, and it is probably the anxiety talking. But, anxiety cannot help you under any circumstances, right? Jump on it! Crush it! Chew it up and spit it out. Yes, it will take some doing, but it will be worth it. 

Then, you can live life in peace.

Hi Lacie.

I have been following your thread here.  I was similiar to you, except widespread (neck to pelvic region, and across both sides) Stage III with NLPHL Hodgkins, the only one of the five strains of HL that is not classified as "Classical."  Of the 4 Classical types, most are usually not highly aggressive.  I also did 12 infusions of ABVD, and mine also was knocked back by the 3rd infusion or thereabout.

Nothing in your CT report strongly suggests relapse.  The doctor did not specify what one node appearing "slightly larger" means.  It went from x mm to y mm ?  CTs can vary slightly in showing node size. Not much, but some.  After total remission from HL, I was followed 2 years for a tumor in my lung, which hasa since been assessed as benign.  It NEVER came back as the exact same size twice, but the Pulmonologist said it was so small that imaging it was difficult. 

So you actually have very little reason to be worried at this point.  The cough and sensation in your chest absolutely could not be related to a microscopic increase in the size of one node, so that experience was indeed almost definitely unrelated to HL.  It could possibly be related to residual Bleomycin in your system, but doubtful if you were not having cough earlier in treatment.

Rapid relapse of Stage II CHL following 12 infusions of ABVD would indeed be extremely rare after C.R. was achieved.

I too was handed an Ativan perscription at my first meeting with my oncologist, and he said, "Go get this now."  You never needed it before ? Well, you never had HL before !  Objectively, it would stress anyone.  I ate Ativan the whole experience, but was able to walk away from it at the end with no problems, but I am a very non-addictive physiology (I once was in ICU for 25 days and on IV morphine for 23 of those days, and going cold turkey only bothered me a little for one day.)   If I were extremely stressed and still have the perscription available, I would use some as needed to get through this wait.    

Oncologists are slow to respond.  Undoubtedly he does not see the upcoming PET as an emergency, and may have just taken the first-available scheduling date.

I wish you peace of mind and heart. To this outsider, it seems you most likely are not in relapse,

max

Hello Beautiful People,

It's been two years since my Dx w/ Hodgkins. I went through Stanford V, but "failed." Added two cycles (6 weeks) of BEACOPP (the German Protocol - now I know why Germans are tough! LOL). Did a month of radiation. All my scans have been good - lymph nodes show stability or reduction in size. ...But in the last few months, have been "feeling things" in my neck. Kinda sore. Different places at different times, but I think it's my nodes. I remember feeling things near the end of chemo - as they were shrinking. But now I worry that they are sore due to inflammation. I haven't felt any enlarged nodes - and I'm constantly palpating. My 18 month scan was cancelled due to insurance, but damn - I really want it. Anyone have any soreness in their neck after therapy? Like so many of you, I hope it hasn't returned. Started a new job and going to ask my girlfriend to marry me tomorrow...

Patrick

Lifeisbeautiful said:

Scared as well

Hi Lacie,

I haven't come on this forum for a very long time and when I signed in I saw I wasn't the only one looking for the same answers.

I finished my chemo 3 years ago and have been in remission every since (I was diagnosed with stage 2 Hodgkins Lymphoma and did the ABVD treatment). Recently, about  three weeks or so ago my 3 old son had a flu and a week later my husband and I got it but I never felt so sick before. I don't seam to be recovering well and then got everything else, sore throat, ear ache, sinus infection and bronchitis! I've been sick for a little over two weeks now. I lost some weight even though I stopped exercising (I usually excersise 5 times a week) and I don't think I eat that much less but what scared me the most is that I felt a swollen lymph node where the cancer was initially diagnosed. It's very tiny, just a little bigger than a grain but this is how it started in the first place and I ignored it for almost 8 years! There is nothing on the other side of the neck and with the holidays I can't get a hold of my oncologist so I was wondering if anyone knows do I have a reason to worry or is this happening because my body is fighting an infection?

It was easier to face the unknown when I was first diagnosed and being pregnant at the time gave me so much hope and courage but this time I know exactly what to expect and I really hope I am just a little paranoid and there is nothing to worry about.

I am going to try and get and appointment with my oncologist as soon as I can but until then I will have to wonder...

 

A lymph node the size of a "grain" is smaller than a normal lymph node.

People vary in their reactions to infections, based on degree of exposure and many other factors.  Your sickness compared to the other family members is very likely irrelevant and too subjective to read anything in to.  I was never prone to infection (in fact, never had one) when sick with advanced Stage III HL, and am the least sickness-prone member of my household since recovery, seven years later.

I would calmly wait till I could see a doc if the spot does not disappear and see him whenever, and enjoy the holidays in the mean time.  A tall glass of wine might make you feel like a new person.  If it fails to do so, repeat recommendation,

max