Treatment is done...feeling more stressed now

betula
betula Member Posts: 86
in Caregivers #1

My husband just finished his treatment for stage 3 rectal cancer.  He had 28 days of raditation and chemo, surgery which ended in permanent colostomy and then more radiation.  He had his ct scans done and things look good at this point.  This has been a journey to say the least.  

My issue right now is being critical of everything he does.  Obviously we will never know what caused it but I totally stress if he had fast food for lunch while at work, if he is drinking too much diet coke and the other day he had two beers.  I feel like since we just went through all of this that he needs to make better choices even though we have no idea what contributed to the cancer.  

How do you go on with out worrying about every little thing that your loved on does because you fear it will cause cancer to return to your life?

 

Comments

  • Catholic
    Catholic Member Posts: 86
    #2
    > How do you go on with out

    > How do you go on with out worrying about every little thing that your loved on does because you fear it will cause cancer to return to your life?

    Whether he had fast food at lunch or too much diet coke are really small things.  If you thinking about either, your worrying too much and
    have to take more breaks.  There are much bigger worries to worry about and I would let him eat and drink whatever he likes even if its not
    good for him.

    My wife is a 110 lb asian woman who probably ate rice and vegetables every day for her childhood.  She was diagnosed with cancer at age 36, 11
    months of chemotherapy and hormone therapy and then came back home.  She eats poorly now. She eats fast food daily, drinks soda, sleeps
    too much and has nothing but awful things to say about me (or her sister) to anyone who is willing to listen.  But I cant live her life.  I cant force
    her to eat healthy even though Im a big believer that food is medicine and the frig is stocked with vegetables. I cant force her to exercise or to
    calm down and stop being so angry so often over really stupid issues. I stopped thinking about, worrying about, being critical of or even mentioning
    any of her lifestyle decisions.  The only time I get bent out of shape is when she tries to negatively influence one of our kids.  When she brings a
    bag of fries home and offers it to the kids or starts crying in front of the kids over something really ridiculous.  Then I step in.  Otherwise, I let her
    live her life.  I know it not a healthy lifestyle but the caregiver can do so much.  When my wife wants to make changes, then Im available and I
    can help.  And when your husband wants to change his lifestyle and eat healthy and exercise regularly, then you can work together to make changes.

     

     

  • Ladylacy
    Ladylacy Member Posts: 773 Member
    #3
    Stop Stressing

    We all make our life choices about everything and there is nothing anyone can do about it.  There are really no reasons why someone gets cancer.  Why do those that watch their weight, exercise and eat right have a major heart attack and die or get cancer while overweight, don't exercise or watch what they eat never have a health issue?  They don't know what causes cancer, and they don't want to, because then they could cure cancer.  All the theories are merely guesses just like the treatments because they don't know.  One doctor says you won't survive more than a year or less while others say your cancer is treatable with a great outcome.  During my husband's treatment I met many people who couldn't understand why they had cancer because they did everything right and then I met those that didn't.  So to me, it is nothing but a guessing game.  

    Now my husband was a pipe smoker and beer drinker and yes he died of cancer, but he was a very healthy person until he had cancer.  Skinny, eating right, didn't just sit around and watch TV was always doing something.   On the other hand our youngest son didn't smoke or drink but yet he lost a kidney to cancer and my mother's youngest sister, who didn't smoke, drink, did exercised, eat right died from cancer.  

    You are only going to really stress yourself out worrying about what your husband eats or drinks.  Enjoy the fact that he is still with you and is apparently doing good because you don't know what the future holds.  You can't make his choices for him just like I couldn't with my husband.  When he decided no more treatments that was his choice and I didn't try to change his mind I wanted him to continue the fight but I also know how tired he was.  

    Guess what I'm trying to say is stop worrying because it isn't going to help only hurt yourself and your relationship with your husband if you stay on him about his choices.  

    Wishing you peace and comfort

  • betula
    betula Member Posts: 86
    #4
    thank you

    Thanks for the replies.  I am feeling better lately about things.  Cancer just never totally goes away as it will always be on my mind to some extent.  i feel like I did great keeping everything together for the last 9 months.  Keeping our kids life normal, working, helping my husband, all the while fearing he was going to die and how would we deal with that.  I just don't know how I could go throught that again but I guess at the beginning of this, I didn't know how I was going to get through it and I did.

    Thank you

     

     

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