Chow down. Weight loss correlated to lower survival rates.

Perhaps the only positive from "relating to" colorectal cancer is weight loss?  Looking for a rainbow here.  In this litany of pain, fear, confusion, irritation, depression, nausea, etc., it sure would be nice to find some positive in this mess.  Maybe weight loss is it?

A majority of adults struggle with weight issues.  Here we are blessed with an opportunity to lose weight while being told to eat whatever whenever and in any amount.  This could be the answer to someone's prayer.

Regardless, I would trade my rectal cancer for normalcy (life without cancer) and deal with BMI issues any day of the week.  Funny how our perspectives change as our lives change.

Jim

NHMike said:

Hello Jim,

Hello Jim,

Your writing was definitely more positive at the beginning of your journey and I've been through enough parts of it to understand a little negativity creeping in. In fact I'm literally sitting on that understanding.

I've seen several people lose a lot of weight through sheer willpower. Some diet, some exercise, some do both. It seems to me that it's the makeup of the individual though. I've seen far more take off a lot of weight only to put it back on. I'm blaming various bodily mechanisms for that. I see how hard people try to lose weight. There are systems that we can put into place to make success more likely but you have to line up quite a few of them to be successful.

I'd make the same trade that you would but I know how to lose a lot of weight - and it's way easier than Xeloda and Radiation.

I have a bunch of relatives coming over this weekend so I need to work on cleaning the house tomorrow. We're likely going to talk about a lot of weighty stuff. I hope it goes well.

I hope that things get better for you too, physically and mentally. You are a solid member of the community.

 

 

Thanks Mike.  Your comment about the change in the theme of my writing is interesting.  I had not noticed.  Guess the effects of treatment blind us to some things.

Your comment about relatives and weighty stuff struck a nerve.  I have one sister and three brothers.  One of my brothers has been almost incommunicado while the other has been totally silent.  In fact, he never responded to my email to all siblings explaining my situation and encouraging them to follow through with routine and preventative medical evaluations.  I am trying to take the high road, but I just can't understand the absence of a response unless he is so overwhelmed by it all that he can't formulate a response.  Weird.

Over the past decade I have been the power of attorney for my father-in-law and mother-in-law and the executor of their estates when they passed.  That was a very difficult task, but I learned from it.  What I was doing prior to my diagnosis was arranging my affairs to make it so easy for my survivors to settle my estate.  Upon diagnosis, that task rose in importance.  For example, I have compiled lists of numbers for bank accounts and insurance policies; account numbers, locations and amounts of investments; explicit instructions about financial management for my wife upon my death; and so on.  You should try it - it is a very burdensome task.  The first question that I had to answer was whether to write in the first person or third person.  Afterall, I could be dead when someone reads it for the first time.  Grammar, punctuation, tense, syntax, bla bla bla.

My point is that we are statistically closer to death than our spouses or immediately family members.  Therefore, it stands to reason that we should get our personal affairs in order.  One aspect of that is to compose detailed, understandable written instructions.  Try it; I think you'll find it both a challenge and a release.

Jim

airborne72 said:

Oh yea, relatives...

Thanks Mike.  Your comment about the change in the theme of my writing is interesting.  I had not noticed.  Guess the effects of treatment blind us to some things.

Your comment about relatives and weighty stuff struck a nerve.  I have one sister and three brothers.  One of my brothers has been almost incommunicado while the other has been totally silent.  In fact, he never responded to my email to all siblings explaining my situation and encouraging them to follow through with routine and preventative medical evaluations.  I am trying to take the high road, but I just can't understand the absence of a response unless he is so overwhelmed by it all that he can't formulate a response.  Weird.

Over the past decade I have been the power of attorney for my father-in-law and mother-in-law and the executor of their estates when they passed.  That was a very difficult task, but I learned from it.  What I was doing prior to my diagnosis was arranging my affairs to make it so easy for my survivors to settle my estate.  Upon diagnosis, that task rose in importance.  For example, I have compiled lists of numbers for bank accounts and insurance policies; account numbers, locations and amounts of investments; explicit instructions about financial management for my wife upon my death; and so on.  You should try it - it is a very burdensome task.  The first question that I had to answer was whether to write in the first person or third person.  Afterall, I could be dead when someone reads it for the first time.  Grammar, punctuation, tense, syntax, bla bla bla.

My point is that we are statistically closer to death than our spouses or immediately family members.  Therefore, it stands to reason that we should get our personal affairs in order.  One aspect of that is to compose detailed, understandable written instructions.  Try it; I think you'll find it both a challenge and a release.

Jim

I've been planning it out in my mind for a few weeks. Basically a lot of writing. I also want to write a package for co-workers over the years and tributes to those that have been in my life. But the financial stuff is the most important.

On food. I went to the bathroom for the first time since Monday. That was intentional as I didn't eat much Monday and Tuesday and then ate normally Wednesday and Thursday as I was getting weak and tired. It was painful today, twice, though the MiraLax helps quite a bit. Was it worth it in not eating much and having almost four days without pain? Probably. But it's not something that I could sustain for a couple of weeks. Four days to go and then I guess about 10-14 days of continued discomfort. I want to go running and hit tennis balls between then and surgery.

How are you doing these days? Do you still have side effects or are they shrinking?

airborne72 said:

Improvement

Mike:

Each day I notice a decrease in the pain associated with BM's, and that of course is good.  What I did notice this past week was hair loss in my public area.  I wondered about that and now it has happened. *Note to self - do not wonder about things as they may come to pass.

My urine continues to be rather yellow, which indicates slight dehydration but also tissue replacement internally.  I do not feel dehydrated so I am going with the internal rebuild theory.

My unpredictable episodes of fatigue continue.  I have finally stopped fighting them and now simply enjoy a power nap or a 3 hour nap.

On September 11 (Patriot's Day - let us never forget) I have my handoff consult with my oncologist.  Then I will return to my surgeon to begin the discussion and planning for a resection.

To quote Sonny and Cher..."and the beat goes on..."

Jim

 

Sounds good. I haven't noticed any hair loss down there but haven't checked but there's radiation down there so it could be. Hair up top is fine.

I have had more fatigue than usual but I think the causes are: 1) Xeloda, 2) Not enough sleep due to anxiety, 3) Not enough food.

BTW, If I could have my favorite Cher song come true, it would be: "If I could turn back time."

Trubrit said:

Not too public, I hope

Had a giggle at the typo. 

Hair today, gone tomorrow; that was me. Bald all over from chemo and radiation. 

It all grows back, though not quite the same. 

Thanks Jim, for the giggle. Now go cover up. 

Tru

Thanks Tru.  I noticed that right after I posted it and it irked me dearly.  Then I thought I would just leave it and perhaps make people wonder if I am a nudist and live in Hawaii.

There are several words where just one letter totally changes the meaning; for eample, hello and hell, or dame and damn, or politician and liar.

Humor is the best medicine.  And when we can laugh at ourselves it is most therapeutic.  Thanks Tru for helping me laugh at myself and feel better early on this Saturday morning.

Jim