I think maybe it's a plot, or...?

JerzyGrrl
JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
in Kidney Cancer #1

Tell people who "haven't been there" that you've got any kind of cancer, kidney or otherwise, and you generally get the "Oh, you poor thing" look. They want to bring you casseroles, drive you to your appointments, come by and read uplifting poetry (or Chicken Soup books) to you.

Those who are on your care team are generally being quite on-task, making appointments and scheduling tests, asking how you are, then often pausing to hear the response. 

However, when you're just post-neph, TOTALLY overcome with pain, feeling as though you're for sure fixin' to die, suffering that even the miraculous powers of red hospital jello cannot touch? You inevitably have the poor judgement to let it slip that it's all due to some little bitty carbon dioxide bubbles they left behind after surgery, and suddenly you've lost any semblance of street cred you may have or pretended you had. 

So, still in your groggy state and in your johnny gown, the nurse or physical therapist comes by, encouraging you to get up and walk, "to work the gas out... it'll help the pain." C'mon. Would we really have been so willing to get up and walk if it wasn't for those stupid gas bubbles? 

Without those sainted gas bubbles, we would've been asking for a bag of chips and the TV remote. We probably would've lifted or twisted or lifted AND twisted, walked for miles, or even walked four miles. 

So those little gas bubbles are our friends. They get us out of bed and moving, but they do it at a rate that's more appropriate with our healing. They keep us humble. 

PS for those who haven't had the surgery yet or are caregivers. The gas pain won't kill you, but the jello? I once asked a nurse what flavor the jello was and she said, "Red." Now THAT'S seriously scary. I don't think it's terminally scary, but just to be on the safe side I never touch the stuff. 

Comments

  • Optimisticgirl
    Optimisticgirl Member Posts: 82 Member
    #2
    Love your sense of humor!

    Thank you for the laugh!

  • hardo718
    hardo718 Member Posts: 853 Member
    #3
    Jerz....you crack me up!!

    I'd love to live in your head for a day.  Where does this come from?  You should be working a stage somewhere and getting paid for this hilarity!  (Is that a word?....maybe hilariousness?) LOL 

    And hey!  If orange can be a flavor, why can't red?  hahahahaha

    Love ya!

    Donna~

  • donna_lee
    donna_lee Member Posts: 1,045 Member
    edited August 2017 #4
    And to add to the "dumb questions"...

    You have to fast and cleanse prior to surgery.  Wouldn't want to throw up or have them nick a bowel, right!  Then they feed you nothing but broth...oh, pray they caught a noodle with that spoonful; or the above mentioned jello, or clear everything.  And I'm lactose intolerant, so no milk with meals.  And then they have the audacity to come in by day 2 or 3 and ask if you've passed gas; or wonder of wonders, had the urge to move your bowels.  My response is "What is there to move."  My colon has been empty for at least 3 days.

    Ah, the wisdom of some people with an R.N. after their name.  Go figure.

    donna_lee

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    edited August 2017 #5
    Jerzy, you have an incredible

    Jerzy, you have an incredible sense of humor and writing style. If there's room I'd like to live in your head for a bit too :)

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #6
    donna_lee said:

    And to add to the "dumb questions"...

    You have to fast and cleanse prior to surgery.  Wouldn't want to throw up or have them nick a bowel, right!  Then they feed you nothing but broth...oh, pray they caught a noodle with that spoonful; or the above mentioned jello, or clear everything.  And I'm lactose intolerant, so no milk with meals.  And then they have the audacity to come in by day 2 or 3 and ask if you've passed gas; or wonder of wonders, had the urge to move your bowels.  My response is "What is there to move."  My colon has been empty for at least 3 days.

    Ah, the wisdom of some people with an R.N. after their name.  Go figure.

    donna_lee

    In a stroke of genius...

    ...or not, all those the liquids I consumed worked a deal with the kidneys and the intestines to take an alternate route on the way out. The good news was, it got me out of bed, plus allowed me to answer "Yes" to the "Have your..." question. The bad news was, broth and tea traveling that way really don't want or need to wait. Much. 

    I have vague memories of being in fixin'-to-die pain and clutching my pillow to my abdomen, beseeching my higher power to at least give me some dignity and not let me die there on the toilet, while the nurse was commenting, "Wow. You really did need to go. Usually it takes longer."

    BTW, she had offered to get a bedpan, but there just wasn't time to work out the details. 

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #7
    hardo718 said:

    Jerz....you crack me up!!

    I'd love to live in your head for a day.  Where does this come from?  You should be working a stage somewhere and getting paid for this hilarity!  (Is that a word?....maybe hilariousness?) LOL 

    And hey!  If orange can be a flavor, why can't red?  hahahahaha

    Love ya!

    Donna~

    At least orange...

    While it's terrible to try to find a rhyme for it, does match up with a fruit in flavor as well as its color. Green is also a color flavor, but I don't recall it matching up with greens in taste, which is probably a good thing. "Kale" or "collards" doesn't strike me as having much of a future as a dessert flavor. So, maybe it's minty or lime-ish? Red, on the other hand, is just "red."

    The last time I consumed jello was nearly 35 years ago. My tastebuds have been quite thoroughly replaced over the years, plus my brain's microglial cells have been busy purging jello-flavor memories from my files so there's room for the important stuff. At least that's their intent. 

  • JerzyGrrl
    JerzyGrrl Member Posts: 760 Member
    #8
    APny said:

    Jerzy, you have an incredible

    Jerzy, you have an incredible sense of humor and writing style. If there's room I'd like to live in your head for a bit too :)

    Thanks, but...

    On a good day, it's both fun and scary in my brain, so the entertainment factor is probably a bit lower than what you might otherwise anticipate. Also, checking to see if there's "room" available opens up potentially new avenues of scariness. Should my grey shrink to make room for others to drop by, that's not a good thing. It's irreversible. 

    One of my kidneys may be smaller than it used to be, but we did that on purpose. Not to mention, I've got a spare and it's the real deal. 

    How about I just do my best to take good notes as to what's going on inside my brain and give you the highlights?

  • APny
    APny Member Posts: 1,995 Member
    #9
    JerzyGrrl said:

    Thanks, but...

    On a good day, it's both fun and scary in my brain, so the entertainment factor is probably a bit lower than what you might otherwise anticipate. Also, checking to see if there's "room" available opens up potentially new avenues of scariness. Should my grey shrink to make room for others to drop by, that's not a good thing. It's irreversible. 

    One of my kidneys may be smaller than it used to be, but we did that on purpose. Not to mention, I've got a spare and it's the real deal. 

    How about I just do my best to take good notes as to what's going on inside my brain and give you the highlights?

    Oh, by "having room" I meant

    Oh, by "having room" I meant after Hardo takes up residence. Otherwise I'm sure there's plenty of gray matter with zero shrinkage in there :)

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